Schizophrenia

Hi,

I'm scared to death. My son seems to be showing drastic signs of Schizophreniz for about a year and a half. I had him under a doctor's care when it first started but he aborted it because he said the Abilify they were giving him wasn't doing him any good.

He said it has dopamine in it. I don't think so but it may. Anyway, things are getting worse and worse. He won't go to a doctor and I think he's on drugs as well.

I dont know what to do. He gets very angry at me and ruins most days with petty demands. I've called the police on him twice. He's 29 years old and lives with me, unemployed and terribly unhappy.

I can't sleep...I'm so afraid.

Hello Summer,

I've read your post on the message board. My suggestion is that you try to get your son into a group home. Too often I hear stories of grown children living at home, who have schizophrenia, who do street drugs, and it's a no-win situation. Of course I'm an outsider looking in. I wouldn't let my son live at home if he was doing drugs. Otherwise, if you do, you have to set limits and boundaries and learn not to enable him, and steer clear of getting into a co-dependent relationship.

The truth is, though, he shouldn't be doing drugs if he lives in your home. Abilify does NOT contain dopamine, and if it did, so what??

I wish for you peace of mind. Because if your son has a mental illness and is doing drugs, he's what's called MICA--a mentally ill chemical abuser, or someone with a "Dual diagnosis"-mental illness and substance abuse. That being the case, he should be in a residence or group home or at the very least be attending outpatient treatment or going to a day program.

You need to set the rules: get treatment, or get your own apartment. This is my take on things. He is an adult, and he's responsible for the choices he makes. You are not responsible for his choices.

I wish you to have a better situation.

Keep posting.

Regards,
Christina

quote:

Originally posted by C. Bruni:
Hello Summer,

I've read your post on the message board. My suggestion is that you try to get your son into a group home. Too often I hear stories of grown children living at home, who have schizophrenia, who do street drugs, and it's a no-win situation. Of course I'm an outsider looking in. I wouldn't let my son live at home if he was doing drugs. Otherwise, if you do, you have to set limits and boundaries and learn not to enable him, and steer clear of getting into a co-dependent relationship.

The truth is, though, he shouldn't be doing drugs if he lives in your home. Abilify does NOT contain dopamine, and if it did, so what??

I wish for you peace of mind. Because if your son has a mental illness and is doing drugs, he's what's called MICA--a mentally ill chemical abuser, or someone with a "Dual diagnosis"-mental illness and substance abuse. That being the case, he should be in a residence or group home or at the very least be attending outpatient treatment or going to a day program.

You need to set the rules: get treatment, or get your own apartment. This is my take on things. He is an adult, and he's responsible for the choices he makes. You are not responsible for his choices.

I wish you to have a better situation.

Keep posting.

Regards,
Christina

Hi Bruni,

Thank you for your post. The problem I have with him is he has become very abusive as of late verbally as well as emotionally.

I have called the police on him twice because he became so out of control but they told me they have nothing on him and as long as he didn't become physically abusive (and I would have to prove that) there is nothing they can do. I then told them (both times) to check his bedroom and I'm sure they would find drugs or at the least drug paraphenlia...they told me they didn't have a right or probable cause to do that.

I then told them since they would not arrest him I wanted him out of my house. (I own my own house) They told me that in my state the only way to get him out is to have him legally evicted through the courts...however, they warned me that the time allotted to have him removed could go from anywhere from 30 days to six months depending on how the judge feels he is able to provide for himself.

My son has already told me....he would set fire to my home before he left if I had him legally evicted, I told the police this, they said until he actually does such a thing, or I have a witness to back up what I am saying...there is nothing they can do. I told them he could do a lot of damage before he left as he threatened to and they told me that would be illeagel....but I would have to "prove" he did the damage and not myself.......before they could criminally charge him.

They also told me I could, more then likely, win in a civil suit......however, that would be like getting blood out of a rock because he is unemployed....and quite frankly...unemployable as he gets fired because he refuses to take orders from the bosses.

Also, if I did manage to have him evicted...I am afraid he would come after me. A restraining order is, after all, just a piece of paper....he could flatten my tires in the middle of the night, be waiting for me behind a bush when I came home from work in the evening...he's threatened these things already. He is very angry toward me and blames me for all his problems. I wasn't a perfect person or parent...however, who is? I always did the best for him that I knew how but I don't know how to help him.

He refuses to see a doctor. He believes he is not mentally ill and does drugs because I am a bitch.

I am currently spending nights at a neighbor's house and only come home to shower, clean a little and so fourth.

The police will not listen to me. If I have him Baker Acted....I need three witnesses to prove he is of danger to himself or others. I have only myself and he has never threatened to hurt himself...and I have no witnesses that he has threatened to hurt me.

I am at a loss. He eats very little and is getting thinner and thinner. He blames me, says I don't buy groceries and yet the refrigerator is so full I can barely close the door as well as the pantry. He says I won't cook for him but when I do he refuses to eat it. He's eating barely enough to stay alive however, I know that he isn't to the point yet that they (the law) would commit him.

Should I just wait it out?

Oh, I forgot to add......if I can manage to have him committed they can only (by law) restrain him there for 72 hours at which point he will be screened and a professional will determine if he should be committed or not.....I have a feeling my son could act very reasonable for that amount of time.

In this case I would have to, by law, allow him back into my home. If I changed the locks...I could be arrested for an illegal eviction. The laws about "right to residency" are very clear.

If I have him committed...and they let him out before he receives the help he so desperately needs....I fear for my life.

Just an update.

Last night he started becoming very verbally and emotionally abusive again. When I came home just for a few moments to feed the dogs I noticed he had torn up the inside of the refrigerator. When I questioned him he said it was because I didn't buy the right kind of food. (he doesn't even know what it is he wants)...anyway, he threw a waste basket at me and I called the police once again. This time they did arrest him. Tomorrow (Monday) I am going to have a restraining order put against him so he cannot reenter my home. At that time I will ask the judge if he will commit him either now or once he is released from jail. He has tried to call me but I will not accept his calls because I know he will beg me to bail him out...then we will argue and it will end with him verbally abusing me.

I am so sad.....I find it difficult to breathe but I can't bail him out or he will start all over again...of this I am sure.

I can't help him...but hopefully a judge will have him committed to a place that can.

Well, it finally happened. I got a restraining order against him and he cannot, by law, re-enter my home only to get his personal belongings and then he has to be accompanied by a police officer.

I tried to have him Baker Acted as well but the clerk told me that I can't do that while he is incarcerated. She told me that when I have my injunction hearing that I could bring it up to the judge and he may then send me to her. That will be on February 12. I still don't know when his court date is....I wish I could set it up so when he is released...he will go straight to the hospital.

If only he had not refused help while he was still here. He might be on the road to recovery and at least he would be somewhat safe...safer then jail anyway.

Anyway, that's the newest.

I finally got him Baker Acted....however, I found out today it is only extremely temporary. He is at the center now, as I arranged bond but had a judge order him to the mental health facility upon release.

They called me today to arrange a "family meeting" for tomorrow. I told them I have a restraining order that I cannot violate as well as he. They agreed to see me without him.

He is lying to them and denying hearing voices or his drug use. He has in essence...denied everything. However, they did find pot in his system so they know he lies.

I told them that if they let him...he will just be another mentally ill homeless person on the street as coming into my home....is never an option again and since his mental illness has isolated him from any former friends...and family.....he has no where to go.

They said they would try to convince him to go to a halfway house...as an out patient....

They said he doesn't fit the "criteria" for the State Hospital. Then they asked me something so strange it rocked me off balance.

They asked me if he "went to a regular school".

Why would they ask me such a thing? It is because he appears mentally retarded to them I am sure, being around him 24 and 7 unless I was at work or spending the nights with neighbors...it never occured to me that people would think he was retarded. However, upon reflection...I understand.

This man was born with his full mental capacities.....I don't know if the drugs he took as a teenager and early 20's damaged his brain....or if he is Schitzophrenic.....I just know that something is terribly wrong....and I don't know what to do now.

Well, I had my meeting with the mental health facility and I think they are going to try to help him. He is refusing medication and is lying about the events that led up to his arrest.

Evidently another hearing has to be set in place in order for them to hold him at the facility but none has been scheduled yet. From what I understand I cannot be present because of the restraining order. I cannot be his "guardian" either. I have no intention of lifting the injunction against him because I do not know if the judge will order him held.

The facility informed me that a "guardian" could be appointed to him from the outside to make his medical decisions if he is deemed incapable of making these decisions himself.

The mental facility where my son was transported to...did not hold him. I don't know what happened as they didn't even call me to let me know he was being let out. Since today is Saturday everyone responsible for this horrible decision is not there so I have to wait until Monday.

I find it ironic that they feel he is "well" enough not to be held there, which, in my opinion means he's able to take care of himself...and yet asked me if they released him would I let him re-enter my home.

Seems to me a 29 year old man should be more than capable of taking care of himself, shouldn't need to be living at home with his mommy and terrorizing her to boot unless, of course, he is mentally ill.

People with a lot less then he has, (he has a valid driver's license and a fairly good vehicle) were left without a roof over their head and managed to make it in this world unless, of course, they were mentally ill.

The system stinks. They let this monster out in the world.....and his anger is directed at me and he feels I am the cause of all his problems...and yet he'd like to come here...where I am.

A normal person doesn't do this. If a normal person felt that one individual was the cause of all their problems on this earth....a normal person would stay as far away from that person as humanly possible.

The world thinks I should take care of him....although it's quite obvious I am not qualified, educated, trained nor have the resources to help him. I've tried...I've failed.

Well, I was able to get a restraining order against him for 6 months.

He stayed at his grandmother's for about two weeks and he is now employed. From what I understand he is going to live out of motel rooms until he saves enough money to get an apartment. I don't know if that will ever come to pass but he's out of his grandmother's now...and supposedly renting a motel room.

If he wants to get his belongings he has to bring a sheriff with him. I've boxed everything up for him and it will be very easy for him to just pick everything up....and go.

I only talked to him briefly and....he seems the same. I still think he is very sick but there is nothing I can do now. He doesn't want help and the mental facility feels he's okay to be out in the world. I don't think so, I think it's only a matter of time before he quits his job or gets fired....and ends up back at his grandmother's front door.

I told her to be strong and turn him away because she is too old to put up with this. While he was there she is quite certain he set off the house alarm on purpose.....twice. I think he was hoping it would give her a heart attack and he could live in her house (it's paid for) without having to pay rent or anything.

Thing is....there's still taxes and insurance, neither of which he feels people should have to pay. He thinks it's some sort of government...evil...I don't know...something or other.

It's sad that my only son....wishes his grandmother and I were dead.....so he feels he can live. It's scary too.

Dear Summer,

Forgive me for not replying sooner, as it was difficult to navigate the messages boards and now I see it's been easier to locate them.

My heart and prayers go out to you.

Stay strong.

I always tell people that sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better.

Unfortunately, because of the "rights" of the mentally ill, forced treatment is considered inhuman.

It is a blight on society that we allow people to have the right to be psychotic and refuse medication, even when they are harming their loved ones.

Please understand I mean no disrespect when I say that your son's co-dependent relationship with you just isn't healthy.

And I think you know that.

Stay strong.

Keep him out of your house.

Above all, pray for him if that suits you as a strategy.

Please respond to my post here if you can so that I'll know you received this belated reply.

For awhile, my login for the message forums was denied, and it has been fixed.

Tonight I will say a prayer for your son.

God bless you.

Respectfully,
Chris

Dear Chris,

Thank you so much for your reply and thank you for your prayers.

It's been a week since he left his grandmother's house and no word. However, he's not supposed to contact me at all neither by phone, e-mail, text messaging, post, etc., no contact at all.

I have no idea how he is...but as you said we did have a co-dependent relationship even though I tried hard for many years to get him to become a responsible person who could take care of himself. I believe this is what angers him so.

It's strange how some people reject the hum-drum of responsibility and just wear a person down when they decide they'll get others to take care of them.

I believe that's how our relationship became co-dependent....he simply wore me down. It was to the point where I was willing to take care of him for the rest of my life......if he would just stop being abusive and violent.

But, of course, nothing is ever enough with this type. I believe he was trying to get me out of my own home, so he could possess it and give the "appearance" that he was "on his own". Of course I still hold a mortgage and he would have expected me to continue paying it. As ridiculous as it sounds, I was so afraid for him and myself, I was actually considering it.

Do mentally ill people.....are they capable of such....manipulation? Sometimes I feel he isn't mentally ill at all, just very "slick" in his approach to dodge responsibility....but then I think Of how he behaved before he became mean and violent.....and something just didn't seem right even when he was at his best behavior.

Regardless, it's out of my hands now. He refuses help and nobody will keep him in a facility long enough for him to get "help". Maybe they know more then I do, I don't know.

However, I find it comical that they asked me at one point to release the restraining order and take him back into my home upon his release. I asked them, "Why would you release him?" They said, "Well if he doesn't meet the criteria to hold him we must release him." I said, "Wouldn't the criteria mean that he is able to take care of himself if he so chooses?"...they said, "Why yes." I said, "then why would I have to take in a man of almost 30 years old....if he is mentally, emotionally and physically able to care for himself?"

I also told them that he was violent towards me and why would they want to jeopardize my safety by returning him to me.....with NO treatment. I also reminded them that I feel he will hurt somebody some day, and I will go to the parents or loved one of that person and tell them how this facility....released him.

Again, thanks for your prayers.

Hello Summer,

It was not pretty in New York City last week. A doctor released a patient from the hospital who within twelve days bludgeoned a psychiatrist with a meat cleaver.

You are NOT, in any way, are NOT responsible for your son's behavior. You can't change him, and if the worst happens, understand that you couldn't have prevented it.

Take care of yourself.

Regards,
Chris

What a terrible quandary you are in. Not long ago my mom told me she was afraid I would kill her in her sleep if I was off the meds. I had no idea she was thinking something like that. It made me very sad, but I still am noncompliant. I tell her that while she is competent, she can make all the decisions about her medical care. If she is incompetent I have her medical power of atty. I told her that I too will make my own medical decisions while I am competent, and that if I am incompetent to do with me whatever she feels is in her own best interest. We explored the option of longterm care in a State Hospital (my doctors recommended it) but they said they would release me as soon as I showed improvement. I have lived with Mom for 11 years and I am nearing age 50. She is 80. I want to take good care of her and I do love her. I don't do alcohol or drugs. I go to church. I get SSDI and pension payments so I can help her with the household expenses. I drive her wherever she needs to go. If she wanted, I would get my own apartment, but we actually need each other. I have not been hospitalized since 2002. I have never had any inclination to hurt her or be abusive in any way.

I'm sorry your son is treating you this way. I take my meds when I feel I am getting worse, so I manage to stay stable. I agree it would be better to be totally compliant, but I am still struggling with that. (I wrote a sharepost about this a few days ago called "Confessions of an Embarrassing Nature.") I have prayed to God to "make" me compliant, but I know I am in charge of what I choose to do.

If your son has made the choice to take illicit drugs and not the medications he desperately needs, then he is responsible for that choice and will have to pay the consequences. Which means right now not having access to you or your home. I think that was the best decision you could have made. I only hope it makes him come to his senses and become a son you are not afraid of.

I know this probably didn't help much, just a lot about myself. But you did make the right choice and I am proud of you.

Carolyn

Thank you Carolyn,

You did help me very much because I was afraid that the nature of schitzophrenia was to harm people since he is the only person I have ever been around that had it.

I am happy to hear your mom and you help each other.

I will read your post if I can find it before I ask why you think you don't take your meds. I wish you the best of everything and thank you for your post.

love from summer