Rheumatoid Arthritis

As you may have seen my profile, I have had this RA for the past 10 years. I also have Fibro kind of bad. Lately, I have been a little depressed and even mad at myself. I have been divorced for for a very long time and only in one other pathetic relationship. I'm a single mother of three wonderful kids, two whom still live with me because my oldest son has started his own family. I wonder sometimes if I will ever meet someone who could love me with my issues with RA. I am becoming deformed in many joints, and being 39, feel hopeless at times and angry that I don't turn to God more often than I do. I don't even know if I should be wondering about relationships ever again, I have so many other problems with this RA that I have given up and tell myself there's more to life than a relationship. I feel ugly and unworthy of love. I admit I don't take too much care of myself on my bad days because I don't have the strength at times. Maybe that is why God doesn't feel it's time to send me someone, i have to work on myself first. I just get discouraged sometimes. I don't feel there's a guy out there willing to deal with all this. Now a days, alot of guys are into the looks of a woman instead of what's on the inside.

Oh darlin'! I am the last one to advise on matters of the heart, but I couldn't bear to see you so sad with no response. I don't know what to tell you other than God loves you and wants you well and happy. He and I have had some bouts as well, but now I like to think that rather than having it in for me, he cries when I do and hurts when I do. Nobody but nobody is unworthy of love. I wish I had more for ya sweetie, but that's all I got. I hear you and I'm sorry your sad.

Cheer up! When the time is right that special person will come along. Until then, work on you, your interests, what makes you happy and be the person that you have always dreamed of being. Get out there and accomplish some life goals you have. I know what you mean abut feeling ugly. My hands and ankles have been so swollen that I have pictures where you can see the knots in the sides of my wrists and my ankles look huge! You can get through this, WE will get through this, but don't give up on life or love! Love you and that special someone will come one day : )

Do not give up. There is life and relationships after RA. I am 43 and have had RA for 10 years now. I was diagnosed shortly after my divorce after 11 years of marriage and four children so I am a single-parent also-now all grown up and moved out on their own now.

At this time I am trying to deal with relationships with two seperate men. One a long time boyfriend (six years now)who has no intention of ever moving forward in our relationship and would love to keep things exactly as they are (we had lived together for two years) and an ex-boyfriend who has just reappeared after breaking up with me years ago. He is wanting to marry me. This is a situation that I never thought I would be dealing with at my age. I have deformities of my feet and starting on my hands, I am on ten seperate medications for the RA treatment (and associated side-effects) daily. I am 50 pounds overweight and have spent the last fifteen years fighting depression. I have just started treatment six weeks ago with Orencia and so far it has not really helped but in spite of it all, my life is good and I have learned to make the best of it.

I never would have believed it even five years ago but; even though the RA can and will take over if it so chooses, as long as I stay in control of what I can do about it I could not be happier with my life and am determined to live it to its' fullest.

Hi Maria,

I feel your pain. I feel really unattrative on my days as well, and have developed some really negative body image issues due to my Arthritis. I'm actually really worried myself if any man will accept me with my arthritis and all its unpredictabel episodes and support I would need...

but I agree with Newlywed22, go out and do things for you, because once you are in a relationship there wont be too much you time ! Not sure if I helped, but I totally get where you're coming from ... and we have God, so there is hope

Hi Maria,

You got the advice I was thinking of saying. I just want to let you know I have felt the same way you feel on days my body betrays me. I am still married. We have been together 18 years. He has been running away for years now, at first I stayed for the daughter and then I stayed because this disease got so bad that I am more inpatient than I am outpatient. presently we live apart. I am 44. the disease is persistent and I have many deformities in the both hands, all 3, boutonnieres in finger on both hands, swan neck on first fingers, and z-deformity in the thumbs. They hurt nonstop. I have been on mtx, plaquenil, all biologics except for rituxan. the body has developed secondary conditions from ra and its meds so hesitant in starting something new right now. One doctor is hesitant in starting me on it as well. Changing my diet is the only thing that has been bringing me relief, that and changing my attitude about how I view life, living in the moment.

Dating, marriage, etc. there really is no easy answer. Many healthy people seek marriage. many successful dating services out there, everybody's looking for Mr./Mrs. right. So it isn't a health-related problem. I really think it is possible for you to find love again and if it is what you want it happen.

I do think it is a good idea to work on yourself first and not focus so much on finding love. That way you will recognize the right person for you when you get to know you and what you want in a relationship. Be clear about what you want in a relationship, don't settle because you have RA but at the same time relationships require give and take compromising. when you do meet the right person, you want it to last. We all have our opinions about God and some church people will tell you God did this to you and you are being punished. God is a loving God and a forgiving God. I do feel prayer is a good thing and will help to keep you in a positive state of mind. Heal the mind and the body will follow. Sometimes our health fails us for any number of reasons, environmental, accidental, infections, stress, stress, and did I mention stress? So, clear your mind and prayer helps with that, meditation helps, journaling helps. focus on the positive, and I know better than anybody looking down at these crippled fingers that it is sometimes hard to see the positive in your appearance but you have to. If you don't who will. that positive energy will be what he likes about you when you meet him. Not the physical at the same time physical appearance is important in that you do want to be well groomed appropriately. People are attracted to the same cleaniness you are. You wouldn't be attracted someone who was disheveled and unkempt, but more importantly inner beauty, self-love all shine through and people want to be a part of that. In the meantime live today as if it was your last. It's a cliché but a true one.

After my last 2 inpatient hospital stays, I made a list of 20 things I want to do this year and I am checking off the list more and more. Things that bring me joy. Going to a beautiful beach, visiting the botanical garden near me, enrolling in a self-enrichment class, etc. All of them are things I can do alone. If a nice person wants to come along that's okay but I am perfectly happy with going alone but these help me to nurture me for a change. but what do I know, just someone with RA and way too much time on her hands.

blessings, I am rooting for you. take care.