Migraine

Hello All:

I wanted to tell you about an unfortunate incident I had last night at a local Target store. I had just gotten over an HM episode and it was nice to be out and about with my son who was helping me. I parked in the handicap space and noticed a woman next to us that was looking at us rather strangely. I told my son not to mind her. I did not stay long as my legs were still quite weak, I did not have my cane but I am getting good at using the cart for support when on the days that I don't walk so fast.

For such a short trip to the store it was easy to fatigue and I was somewhat short of breath, but it was great to be out. We bought some ice cream and we were planning to have some warm brownies with ice cream at home As I returned to my car, I noticed a post it note on the drivers side of the window. It stated "YOU ARE BEING REPORTED FOR HANDICAP VIOLATION".

My son was a little upset and did not understand why anyone would write that. He has seen me on days that I can barely walk and helped take care of me when I could not get things for myself as with my other children. He asked "why would they write that mom, you are disabled and we have a sticker." My only response was that people can be ignorant.

I was so upset to think that I could be accused of falsely parking in the handicap spot. They don't even know how embarassing it is for me to use this service and how even more embarassing it is to use a cane or a walker let alone a wheelchair. I think at 40 I consider myself still young and I really despise the look of pity on people's face's when I have to use a cane or a walker.

I will not apologize for having a good day and not looking like I am not a handicap. I will not apologize for using the handicap space because by the time I leave a store I feel ready to collapse.

When I got home I called the sheriff's department and also spoke with the Target manager. They are trying to review the tape to see if they can id the person that put it there. We went to the sheriff's office this morning to see if there was anything they could do. I was quite adamant about not dropping this case. It's not just for me but for all the others that have invisible handicaps who are being looked at and judged by others.

It's not right. There is not law to prevent this type of harassment. I understand that there are people that abuse this service. But if you are questioning the authenticity of the sticker than follow up with the BMV or your local police department. Don't demean the person who owns that sticker by writing an ignorant note because their handicap is already demeaning enough. Those with invisible handicaps may even feel it's not worth it to go out becuase they are afraid they will be judged.

I have posted a brief note on Facebook as well. Getting the word out is important.
Be an advocate.

Has this happened to any of you?

Sorry so long. I was REALLLLLY upset. Listen close and you can probably hear me screaming.

Rosette

This is beautifully written, Rosette. Thanks for sharing it with us. And, of course, I wholeheartedly agree. I have to use a cane when I go out, but I definitely understand the irritation. People look at me when I stand up next to my car before I get my cane, as if I am "doing something wrong" because I'm young (early 40s) and parked in a disabled spot (with a permit). It's frustrating. As soon as they see the cane then everything is okay, but why should that be? Good for you for standing up for yourself.

--Jaclyn

That just makes me all riled up! The nerve, when you have a sticker and everything! Too bad she wasted all that energy going after you when she had no cause other than her own ignorance. She could've used the energy much better to see you had the sticker, and then help you celebrate having a decent day!

Hi Rosette,

That must have been an awful feeling for you to come to your car and see that note on it, knowing full well you are disabled and all that goes with it.


I don't blame you one minute for being upset about this. The person who put the note on your car clearly doesn't have a clue about what a handicap is, and won't likely be getting a clue in the near future. See here's the thing - we can't change other people's behavior. This is something that has taken me a REALLY, REALLY long time to understand. In addition to this, not understanding why people do the things they do is just as difficult.

Having an invisible illness is no picnic. Those who don't "get it" never seem able to. I've often said if we wore a bandaid around our head we would probably get more understanding from people. But that doesn't change the fact that we have to cope with it every day and some days are easier than others. You, Target, and the Sheriff all know you are handicapped and have the correct identification. That is really what is important. I'm trying not to let one ignorant, uneducated, rude, crass person get me going here - and trying to impart the same to you. Karma has a way of coming around again........

Hang in there.

Hi Rose,

I agree with everyone. How awful and ignorant of that person! And to have it happen with your son right there. Just terrible.

I haven't applied for a sticker yet because of what you just wrote about. We both worried of how often we'd use it (since I don't go anywhere that often) and what others may think. I guess that's stupid on our part.

I support you 100% in your fight to find this person, even if it's just to educate them. Ripple in the pond....

Good for you for standing up for yourself! Tonya

Wow! Your story touched a nerve with me. Do you mind if I use your story in a blog post?

Hi All:

Thanks for the response and support. Much appreciated. According to the sherrif's office there was no way to see the license of the person that put the note on the car. It really would have been nice if the sherriff was able to at least educate this woman. People should not be afraid to use this valuable service. Maybe a short educational piece in our local newspaper regarding the various users of handicap signs and their daily lives. I wonder if I could get it published.

Anyway thanks again and Leeloo feel free to post on your blog. Nice site btw.

Rose

I told this story to someone who just didn't get it. She said what's the big deal.
Now mind you, its her brother who is having HM attacks! At this very moment his arms are so weak he can't drive..... Until someone lives in the HM world they just don't "get it". There definitely needs to be some public awareness!

Boone

My local newspaper has been running a series on people who steal handicapped spaces. It has helped a bit around here. I'm talking about the people who have no tags, stickers, or handicaps - the people who are taking advantage of the close-in spaces to "just run in for a minute."

I've made it a point to stop myself from judging the people I see with the stickers. Just because they have no obvious physical handicap I can see means nothing.

Rose, and everyone else who needs the stickers, it really stinks! I'm waving my magic marsh reed to make y'all's walking troubles go away.

Rebecca, The Island Mama

Hi Rose!!
YES there are a lot of stupid and ignorant people out there, i really shouldn´t say this but sometimes i wish that they could even for a day be sick really handicap so they can go throw what we do. That wasn´t nice of me but........often it makes me so
angry that i honestly think so.
I don´t drive at all anymore, i am too afraid beacuse the first HM attack i had was when i was driving so thats why.

Hope you bee HM free so much as possible!!

Hugs from Mimmi

Hey Island Mama, I'll take a little of that magic I can use some right now. Thanks Mimmi for the support, so sorry that you can't drive anymore that must really be hard. And Boone, I know where you are coming from, so many people just don't get it.
But we move on, let it go, but educate those we can along the way. Good health to you all.
Rose

Thanks Rose! I am right on it now!

Hi Rose,

I've been there. I've felt the anger and the need to respond. I've had it said to my face that I am not disabled and shouldn't be using the parking spot. My daughter has been yelled at for parking in a disabled parking slot while I was seated next to her. I've even been called on the loud speaker in freezing weather at night from my swimming pool physical therapy session to be told to move my car because 'we've had a report that you are not disabled' and they 'didn't have time to check' to see if I really was. My placard was visible for all to see.

With all my sympathy, while it is only my opinion, my advice is for you to let it go! The stress of trying to find and educate the ignorant person may end up being more detrimental to your health than it is worth. I truly believe if an HM'er intentionally lets go of the stresses in life that an HM'er can see to do so, the better the energy for managing the stuff that can't be cured -- mainly the headaches.

Here's hugs, my sympathy and my two cents...

Thanks Allioop for some good advice. Hugging you back. May you have many free HM days

Rose:
Thanks for this post. It never even dawned on me that I could get a handicap parking permit. I saw those spots as reserved for people confined to wheelchairs. I was ignorant myself. But I talked to my doctor and she signed the papers. It went off in the mail today. We're aware of the foolish behaviour we could be subjected to now. Thanks for letting us all know.

Leeloo: Loved the blog! You hit the nail on the head.