Migraine

Hey.

Since my wife's surgery things have been extremely stressful. Her health has gone down hill a little bit, her migraines are more frequent, and her Mom is gone with the twins until Christmas.

That means the brunt of her care falls on my shoulders right now. Yeah, we got a nurse that comes by once a day but I take her to treatments at 5am three days a week then work 8 hours only to rush home and take her to the clinic if need be.

This week has been rough. We have had to go to the clinic 4 days in a row and I am dead tired. Last night on the way to clnic I was a jerk to my wife. I was ranting and raving all the way there and said things that I didn't mean and I feel like crap about it.

I was just so tired. Our day started at 430am to get to treatment then I worked 9 to 6:30 only to rush home to get her to clinic by 7 so that they will see her (if not checked in by 7pm you gotta go to the ER). We got there on time but it took FOREVER and we got home 4 hours later.

I'm so tired that I can't sleep. I am tormenting myself for venting to her like I did because I KNOW that I hurt her deeply. With all of her health issues she already feels like a burden and now she feels even more so.

Sighs. I love her so much. I just wish that I could take all her pain away if even for an hour or two. I wish that we could live a life that is not based around her health and I pray that the day will come when that wish comes true.

Peace,

Dave

First off Sol knows you love her. I'm sure she is also aware of the situation and that it is, indeed stressful.

I'm sure she realizes you are under a lot of stress. It's a lot to take care of someone! I would think she may have some of her own guilt over you having to do this as well.

I am also sure you've apologized right? I'm not saying flying off the handle was the right thing to do, but it does happen. You feel comfortable with your wife, you should. She is the one person you can probably be yourself with. And like with anything, you hurt the ones closest to you, even if not on purpose.

I'm sorry you've not been sleeping well. I'm sure that does not help with the frustration of the situation at all! I'm sure if you explain how you feel - things will be o.k.

Sorry things have been tough for you guys lately. You are both in my thoughts!!!!!

I think you're just human Dave. And I think Sol knows that.

What you're doing now is super human - you gotta break at some point and you did last night.

It won't help to dwell on the past (although I know that's human, too); just move on. You both know you love each other. We love you, too.

You're not a jerk, Dave. I'm certain that Sollie knows full well that you are human and that you do the best you can. She also knows how much you've got to take care of and the added burden of her mom not being close right now. I'm sure she very much understands how tired you are and how frustrating that can be. Above all, I'm sure that Sollie knows how much you love her and how much you want to be able to take care of everything for the both of you.

Sometimes we get a bit snarly when we're exhausted and frustrated. That's a normal thing. In the moment, the fallout can be hurtful, but underneath, you both know that you're each others' world, and that you care for and about each other very much. You both know how hard you're working to try and build that life where health doesn't matter so much. That's what matters, and that's what you'll come back to.

Hi Dave,

I'm sorry to hear life is a bear right now. Can I add my take on things.

I am in no way as chronically ill as Sol, but having a chronic illness kind of puts us and our husbands in the same place. Men want to fix things and make us stop hurting. When you guys see us in pain it really drives you nuts because you cannot stop it.

During the last 10 years my husband and I have gone through many emotions, many of them alone, because we didn't think the other could handle it. That was the wrong approach for us. He would "vent" to me like you did when he was exhausted and I would feel guilty and sad.

This is what I know today. No matter how hard it is for the other person to hear, we are completely honest about how we are feeling. My husband didn't want to burden me with things, any things, because he thought I couldn't handle any more "stuff." I think that is where we missed a beat. He now tells me how mad he gets at THE lupus(not MY lupus,) how frustrated he is that he can't fix me. How bad he feels about how bad I feel.

You sound so much like my husband. Sollie knows how much you love her. Coping with life on good days is hard, chronic illness makes it near impossible some days.

Hang in there and know you are not alone.

Don't kick yourself in the pants. You're human, and you had a meltdown. We all do. You love Sol, and she loves you. You both do everything humanly possible to get her well, but it's frustrating that it's just not enough. I agree that guys get angry when they can't fix something.

Thanks for coming here and sharing. I pray that things improve very soon.

Gretchen

I agree with Eileen and Gretchen (the others too) - don't beat yourself up!

Tell Sol that you are tired and just venting, and again how much you love her. Remind her that she is you partner and NOT a burden, that she is the other half of you, and when she is sick, you are. And since you are tired and rushed, she must be too.

Prayers to you and Sol.....

Hi Dave,

I was thinking about you two and wanted to check in and see how you all were doing?

Hey.

Thanks for the cyber hugs and words of support. It means a lot to both Sol and I.

Yeah, I'm human and at times I am a total jerk.

Sol forgave me and we are fine as far as that goes.

Health wise we are going to limit what we discuss here since we don't want to bog things down with her other health issues. Migraines are not her main health issue by any stretch of the imagination but we will try to limit our posts to her migraine attacks and her treatments for them.

She had dental work last week and hasn't had a migraine since so hey maybe.....nah we won't get our hopes up.

Anyways, thanks for the support. Despite neither one of us posting that often we do think of all of you and pray for pain free days.

Peace,

Dave

Dave,

Even though this is a Migraine/headache forum we do have the Personal,Off-Topci, Jokes, Etc. folder. We know Sol has other health issues, so feel free to share them here if you want to.

Give my best to Sol.

Dave,

It's always your choice, but don't feel you have to keep the conversation here centered on the migraine facet of things. Those of us with multiple chronic ick know all too well that the various afflictions do like to play together and wreak all kinds of havoc as they aid and abet each other. Sometimes that's the time I need the most support to muddle through on ~ when things can't be sorted out so well because there's too much going on at the same time. We get that, and we honestly don't mind discussing the other stuff, too. We might even actually learn something.