Migraine

So it appears that the Botox treatments didn't work. She says the migraines are worse then before. I feel so bad for her she was really hoping this was the answer or at least the temp fix. Looks like it's back to square one. I think she's starting to shut me out even more to teh extent that she will break up with me. What does one do? This girl means the world to me and i'm at a total lose. I have a wicked job and I make tons of money but all teh money in teh world can't fix this. It's starting to take it's toll on my job as I'm not sleeping much.......Thanks for listening to me vent. I just want to be with her and hold her in my arms all night long until these stupid migraines go away.....

Rob

Rob,

It sounds like time for a new doctor. Has she seen an actual Migraine specialist?

It's really hard to help at times. Sorry it's so rough. If you don't already do so, ask her if you can go to her next doctor's appointment with her. That's a great way to support her, learn about her treatment, and maybe ask any questions you may have.

Obviously I have never met your girlfriend, but I know that when I have a migraine, or during a period of time when I have frequent migraines, I tend to shut people out. It's not any reflection on my relationship with them or my feelings about them. It's just because I don't feel well enough to have the energy for anyone. I've seen other friends who have health issues do this, too. It is SO hard to be the caring person who gets shut out, but keep letting her know you are available to her on her terms--my mail, if necessary--and I think she'll appreciate it.

Thanks for all the input. I've done lots of looking on this website and there is tons of good info and a lot of great people on this for support I'll try some of what you've all said and I'll see where it takes me.

Rob,

I think Teri's advice to find a true specialist and go with your girlfriend to her appointment is solid. I couldn't agree more.

I know it's hard when you're doing your best to be considerate and supportive and you feel like you're being shut out. It's obvious that you care, and that you're committed.

I can tell you from my own migraine experience that there are times I've pulled away a bit from things. Part of the issue for me is that to some extent, I learned to not completely trust stability. There's very little that's stable from day to day with migraine and the other chronic ick I deal with. While a person does learn to roll with the punches to an extent when things aren't going well, they also get set in a pattern of things always being up in the air and unpredictable. Suddenly, when something (such as an uncommonly good stretch of days) or someone comes along that offers a promise of stability, it's easy to get a little suspicious of that, for lack of a better word. It's hard to grab at and go for that stability, because it can be snatched away in an instant. So, when the good comes along like a dangled carrot, it's easy to become ovdrly cautious. It's not that we don't want the payoff, or that we don't think we deserve it. It's just hard to reconcile that it's for real and for keeps, when all we know is instability, which makes it seem to good to be true.

I'm so sorry the Botox was a total bust. That was a terrible blow and very disappointing. I'm sure she's devastated, especially that things are worse not.

Have you told her that all you want to do is hold her all night and make things better? That is SO sweet.

I can't think of much that hasn't already been said. Going to the doctor with her is an excellent idea. In addition to being a big support for her, it'll let you see the doctor yourself and observe their relationship. You can tell if he's kind and caring or if he's a real jerk who doesn't respect her. That'll help you encourage her to see someone else.

My DH has come once to a neurologist appointment, 5 or 6 years ago. It was to convey to the doctor how much pain I was really in, and how often, and how it was affecting my life. I tend to downplay how bad I'm feeling, and I brought DH just to be able to tell the doc how bad things were. I think he was a big help. It also gave him confidence that the doctor was willing to work with me to get me improved.

Hang in there!

Gretchen in Mississippi

I do the same thing.

Migraine is a very lonely disease. It's hard to have someone say "I get it" if they don't - it's one thing to understand, its another thing to experience it. Not to say that the person does not sypothize.

I go through this with my husband frequently.

When I migraine, I want to be left alone - no one mess with me. I want my bed, my blankets, my pillows and no one else can share! Yes, this is the one time I am actually selfish - because I feel like the world is closing in and even though my husband wants to help - nothing he can do will help me - unless he is all of a sudden a mad scientist who as whipped up a cure for migraine!

For me, these are things that have been the most important to me that my husband does or did:

1. Read Livinig Well with Migraine Disease and Headaches by Teri Robert - I cannot stress enough how much info you will get from this book.

2. learn a bit about treatment and the lingo (triptans, preventives)

3. Know my meds. I don't know if you two live together or not, but if you do, this would be a good one to know. Know what your girlfriend is taking. If she is having a migraine, offer to get her whatever she is using to abort (usually a triptan, except in some cases)

4. Don't make me feel guilty for feeling sick - I can't help it. I'm trying to get better by seeing doctors and keeping on top of my healthcare - that's the best I can do. If we can't go out because I don't feel well - don't make me feel bad about it. I want to go too, and I'm bummed I don't feel well.

This stuff can really help!!!

Oh, and if she is shutting you out in the verbal form, try email. I know when I migraine, words get very jumbled and I am one that is blessed with crankyness as a prodrome symptom - so I'm a sheer joy to my husband a day or so leading up to a migraine, and then of course the pain comes. E-mailing lets us get it out in the open without the tone in our voice - or the not understanding what the other means. It's a good method for us during "migraine time".

I know it must feel like you are looking into a window if a place you will never visit, when it comes to this disease. Be thankful for that. But at the same time I can see where the not fully getting it can be frustrating. I see it with my husband and it is difficult sometimes.

We are here if you ever need any advise or information. Don't give up on her. She is lucky to have you in her corner routing for her.

so it appears that she's going to give it one more try. She's had a migraine every day since teh injections. She's going through some rough times but were talking more and she's starting to open up more so we'll see where it takes us. Thanks for all the advice guys. If I can help anyone I'd be glad to share what I've gone through and all I have to say is don't give up on teh ones you love. Migraines can cause lots of stress but if you car eabout the person it doesn't matter.

Rob

Good job sticking with her Rob. She really needs you now.

Don't foget about taking care of yourself too. Feel free to come here and get all the support you need, ok?