Migraine

I'm a single female. I have several close friends. Lately, I have been having a hard time doing anything socially because of my migraines. I don't plan anything because I never know how I'm going to feel. My friends tell me that they miss me because they don't see me like they use to. I usually just respond with "I miss me, too." They've been understanding about me being "sick" with migraines. I'm just tired of not being able to make plans.

I'd like to be able to date but I just don't see how I can right now. It is so frustrating. I feel like all I do is go to work and go home and sleep. How do other people deal with their social life and migraines?

Life is going on all around me while I lay in bed suffering. I so what to scream out: It's not fair! I know other people are going through much worse. I just want to have more energy to do the things I use to do.

One of my close friend has suggested that I call her up when I'm having a good day or at least a day that I'm feeling half way decent. That way she and another friend can come over for a little while and visit. I thought that was a very sweet idea.

I agree -

It is extreemly - EXTREEMLY hard for me to have any type of social life. At least that is how I feel.

I used to love getting together with friends, having a couple drinks, hanging out...you know, nothing special, just socializing.

Now, it's no drinking (my medication makes me feel drunk after like 1/2 a glass of wine), hardly any socializing (my medication makes me sleepy by 9pm), and no "whooping it up" like I used to.

Granted I am very much an "indoor girl". I enjoy movies, hanging with friends and things. Not much into the "bar scene", but I would like to at least go out and enjoy dinner once in a while without feeling like the drunk at the table after 1/2 a glass of pino!

My husband understands. I go to bed early. I try to take my medications on time every night, even when it is the weekend, just for my migraine wellness.

Friends, sometimes not so much. When we have friends over, if they are my husbands friends, I excuse myself and go to bed (real party pooper right??)

It's a hard balance. I've come to find my "forum friends" more understanding - but of course they are - you guys go through the same darn things!

I can only imagine being single and trying to "get out there" and do the dating thing with migraine. I tried it briefly before I met my husband, but then I got lucky because he lived right next door!

I just think - there are not enough hours in the day. Those important to you will understand and make time, when you can feel up to it, like your friend stated. When you are having a good day, call - see what they are up to.


Ok - I just notice I'm rambling.

I'll end with this. I've found the more open I am with my friends about my disease - the better understanding they are and more accepting they are of quick plan changes. If they want to see you - even a movie - nice dark room - hanging out and dinner - at least you guys get to socialize and it is still, for the most part, "migraine friendly" - as long as you don't have any guys there to amp up the volume and want to watch the latest action flick at max volume!!!! LOL

I want to believe that the right person will understand. But sometimes it's just hard to get out there to find that "right" person. I'm trying to take steps to get my migraines under control. I'm hoping that my new neurologist can help me with this.

I'm trying not to get discouraged. I just feel like these migraines have taking a part of me away. I'm not the whole person that I use to be. I also get scared; wondering what life is going to be like the older I get.

Hi Heather,

I haven't done the single thing for awhile, but I do understand it is hard to have a social life with migraines. But, I think it is great your friends are willing to grab the moment when you do feel good. My suggestion would be to take them up on it.

I have a couple really good friends, one has MS, so in a way she "gets it". We do just what your friends suggests, we call each other when we feel good and then we "sieze the day" sort speaking.

I would not worry to much about the future, you never know what the world holds for you. You might meet prince charming (he might even have migraines, wouldn't that be a hoot) Look, Eileen met her hubby right next door, ya never know!! Anyways, my point is, take one day at a time and enjoy it when you can!!

Hope that helps a little,

Dar

It is really sweet of your friends to offer to be kind of on call for you. Hold on to those friends...

What I do to try and work around this is pretty much the same thing. I pretty much do spur of the moment, at most a day in advance. When I plan anything it is always with a disclaimer of "... if I am not having a migraine that day.."

As far as dating, I think your real focus should be at getting your migs under control. Once that is in place, THEN you can work on finding Mr. Right (or Right-now).

Hey, maybe we need to start a new singles forum here... lol..

I've been married for 27 years, so I've got NO recent experience.

I met my DH in law school. He had decided before he started that dating was too expensive, and he'd refrain until he graduated. At the time, I was full speed ahead on being a pioneer lady lawyer and had no time to devote to dating.

We met 3 weeks into 1st semester at the Coke machine on a study break at 10:30 one night. Love at first sight! We talked until the library closed at midnight. He walked me home to the dorm, asked me out for that weekend (I was going home and couldn't accept), and surprised me and kissed me goodnight. We were inseparable after that. He started talking marriage 3 weeks later. We got married at Christmas our second year.

A big date for us was leaving the library "early," at 10 o'clock, and going back to his apartment, drinking a beer, and watching The Tonight Show.

Mister Right can show up in unexpected places, at unexpected times, and sweep you off your feet. Be patient.

Gretchen in Mississippi

Heather, you're right, it's really hard to feel left out of your own life while you lay in bed with yet another migraine. I can relate to what you're saying. I have no social life to speak of, really. I have a few friends at work that I've managed to hold onto, and only because they also have medical issues so they understand that it's rare that I can keep plans. (My migraines are daily right now - completely uncontrolled - so all of my energy goes into my full-time job since that's my health insurance.)

I am very, very fortunate to be living with my compassionate and loving DBF. He and I met our third year of architecture school, but didn't start dating until our fifth year. I will say neither of us were at all looking for a partner when we started dating, and we intended to break up when we graduated, since I was moving 3000 miles away. (We went to school in Virginia.) He moved out west and into my apartment about a year after we graduated. This has helped me a lot with the loneliness and isolation I had before he moved out here, but my social life really isn't looking much better. We hardly ever go out.

I did want to link you to the March Headache Blog Carnival though, which you can find HERE. The topic was maintaining friendships despite migraines. Thought this was timely considering your post. Maybe you'll find some ideas here.

Heather- I just recently got re-married, and just THINKING about dating especially in the city we both live in is enough to give me a migraine! I would hang out with your wonderful girlfriends until you get your headaches under control- dating could bring on more stress than it's worth! Take care!