Migraine

Ok, so I have no idea where to begin with talking to my boss. I've gone over how the conversation would go a hundred times in my head, but every time I have the opportunity to walk into her office and chat I get cold feet. I'm thinking maybe an email of some kind would break the ice. I don't want to go in there and end up crying and not be able to say what I need to say. My boss is great and she's good friends with my mom and she's been very supportive of me. Being a breast cancer survivor makes her very sympathetic to illness so I know I can go to her and she'll understand.

This is what I've come up with so far. I don't know if it's cheesy or stupid to do this in an email but I don't know how else to do it. I feel like such a failure that I've even gotten to the point that I feel like I need to leave this job. Here's what I wrote....


Leslie,
I don’t really know how to approach this. I’ve been trying to get up the courage for weeks to talk to you about it and I just can’t seem to get the words out.

I’ve been doing some serious thinking about things in my life right now. The new migraine specialist I went to see 6 weeks ago gave me this big lecture about needing to cut down on my stress and do less and all that. I go back and see her next week and nothing has changed, if anything my stress level has increased. I’m to the point where I don’t even want to get out of bed every day because I am in so much pain. I don’t know how I manage to come to work, even for the shortened hours that I do. I have not had a break in pain in months, no matter what kind of medicine I’ve been put on. Going to physical therapy has done nothing but make my neck worse. The last couple of days I’ve added twitching in both arms to my long list of misery. The more pain I’m in the less I can handle and the easier it is for me to get upset. I’m pretty sure that’s why I left Christian get to me so much yesterday.

There have been many times in the last couple of months where I’ve considered giving my notice here and just giving up. I’m so frustrated and disappointed in myself for having let this come to that. Every time I try to talk to Mom about everything we just end up fighting. She thinks that I want to give up my career and my future. It’s not like that at all. I don’t want to give up Accounting. I do love parts of it. It’s just that I need to figure out how to get better. And continuing this way isn’t cutting it. So I’ve been thinking maybe I need to consider some kind of medical leave. What will happen if I do that? Will I have a job to come back to if I’m out for an indefinite period of time? Do I lose my health insurance? I don’t have more than maybe a day of sick/vacation time, which I’ll probably have to use this week. I’m not really worried about losing out on the money though. It’s the health insurance that’s my biggest concern.

I just want to be able to have a normal life, but I don’t even know where to begin to get there anymore.


~~ Just looking for a little feedback I guess...

Meli, I think it's reasonable to send your boss an email, to ensure you get everything across that you want to.

The only suggestion I will make is that you add something to your email about setting up a time to meet with her and discuss this in person. You clearly have some questions and she may, too; those questions may be best addressed face-to-face.

Best of luck to you and whatever you decide to do, know that we're all behind you 100%.

I know how difficult it is to try and talk to a superior about medical issues. It has got to be even harder if the person is not a friend or family member. I was lucky at my last job. My boss became my best friend. She really understood where I was coming from after I explained it to her. Plus, her mom suffers with MS, so she gets the invisible illness thing.

First, I was just wondering - which job are you looking to take time off from? I would think the night job would be the one to leave, not the desk job with the set schedule. That is just what I did because it made my life work better to not work odd hours and actually sleep!

Are you looking for FMLA? If so, I think you can get 6 weeks and it does not affect your insurance - but I believe your company has to qualify. You can check into that more on your state website I think. I just know about NJ laws - which I don't qualify for since we have less than 50 employees. I didn't qualify at my last job either. I think you can also ask for it on an as needed basis. Like if you call in sick, you get extra days due to your FMLA - if you decide not to completely take a leave.

I really don't know if you want to go and say you almost quit, because with this economy, they may just say ok, go! But I don't know how your relationship with your boss is, and you do.

I know it's hard to do, but it's your health and if you are thinking about this, then you must know you need it.

I wish you all the luck in the world with this! Please let us know how you make out and keep us posted.

Meli -

I think that Eileen and MJ's comments are very good ones. Other than that, I think there's nothing wrong with sending the email if it breaks the ice and makes it easier to do this thing that is being so hard for you. Cut yourself some slack, girl! You are not a wimp, these are emotional issues, it IS hard to give up on something you've worked for, even temporarily, and it's okay to cry. All of these are totally normal human reactions. You don't have to be super-woman with nerves of steel here! Keep reminding yourself that you are doing this in order to take care of yourself. You are looking out for you, and you deserve a lot of credit for that.

- Megan

((Meli))

How difficult it must be to think about talking with your boss! I just want to share my input for whatever it is worth.

In interacting with people, I find it is always best to approach them from a collegial point of view. Sometimes an email, no matter how well written, can be misinterpreted because there is no body language to communicate what we are feeling.

As an employer/supervisor, I am always much more open to someone who comes to me and says "Cyn, I'm in a difficult situation and I don't really know how to handle it, and I'd like your advice. My problem is that I don't seem to be able to get my migraines under control, but I also love my job and am committed to it. I'm trying to figure out the best way to go about this within the framework of our company and my job. I know you had to deal with something similar, although different, when you went through your breast cancer treatment and I'd really value your input both personally and professionally."

My approaching her this way, she hopefully becomes a part of the solution, sees your dedication to your job and to your health, and does what she can to help you meet both goals.

I don't know if this will work with your boss. I am praying for you and thinking about you. Please let us know how things work out!

Cyn

Thanks girls, you all had some good advice.

MJ - I will definitely wrap it up with something about wanting to talk about things further. My boss wouldn't just let me get away with sending an email like this and not discussing it afterwards anyway, lol.

Eileen - Unfortunately it's the desk job with the set schedule I want to take a leave of. As much as the set schedule is nice, the almost 11 hours a day with commute is torture, and I don't like the job. I'm not challenged and just being here is frustrating. It definitely doesn't like my head. And it's easier to take a leave from here. If I take a leave from my night job I may not have a job to go back to and I'd be losing out on too much money. I'm not sure what kind of FMLA standards we follow, but I figure that's something I can talk to my boss about too. I may leave out the part about quitting all together, at least for now.

Meg - thank you. I know I'm too hard on myself. I've always been that way. I guess it has a lot to do with how my parents were when I was growing up and knowing how much they expect out of me. You'd think at 24 I'd be able to think more about myself than what they'll think of me...

Cyn - I understand what you're saying about being up front and open face to face. I've been trying for weeks to gather up the courage to talk to my boss about this... not only am I nervous about approaching something that I'm not thrilled to need to do, but I've never been good at discussing personal issues. I feel like a failure that I've gotten to this point and everyone here has told me that's not the case, but I just can't seem to give myself a break.

Guess I'm going to polish up the email and send it off. Then hopefully I can talk to her later on today...
Meli

Hi Meli,

How did your email go? What kind of response did you get?

I didn't get a response. Very frustrated about the whole thing. I guess I need to go a more direct approach and just go in there and talk to her. Too bad we are now in the middle of our Q3 audit. I guess our discussion will have to wait til that's over. Which will hopefully be next week...