Migraine

My serotonin levels must be low today, since I've been feeling generally depressed and I just know it's migraine-related.

It's just hard today. I've been at the 75 mg dose of Topamax for almost 5 weeks and I'm still having side effects from it - not bad enough to reduce the dosage, but enough to drag me down. My sleeping problems are coming back again with a vengeance too, which doesn't help things.

And I'm between doctors at the moment. My head hurts and I can't do a darn thing about it. I'll be calling the new specialist's office again tomorrow to try to schedule my appointment, but who knows how long it will be until I can get in there. It could be months.

My head pain was decent last week - mostly a 5 or 6 - but I'm afraid it was just a normal variation. I'm afraid to ever be optimistic that medication is working, because honestly, at this point, why would preventives start to work when I've been in constant pain for months?

I'm sort of scattered tonight. I'm just dumping this as stream of consciousness to get it out of my head a little. I feel like what I really need at this point to break this migraine cycle is more aggressive treatment than what my fired specialist was willing to provide, but I'm stuck until I can get in with the new guy. It bothers me that she was so nonchalant about my constant pain. I mean, I fired her, so it's sort of a non-issue at this point, but until I get established with someone else I don't have many options.

*sigh* I just need a few hugs, I guess, and reminders that this depression will pass. I wonder sometimes if I'll ever be free of this constant pain.

MJ,

The constant pain just wears you down. You do need a break and why the doctor you had to fire could not understand that escapes me. I personally hope the new doctor will see you sooner rather than later due to the amount of pain you are experiencing to help you break the cycle you are in. You do have my support. I marvel at what you accomplish everday based on how you feel.


Hugs to all (the cat and DBF too) and a restful night.

Cindy

Thanks, Cindy. I'm hoping I'm feeling less depressed in the morning - for now, I'm curled up on the couch with DBF (our kitty is curled up on the other chair in his nest). I'll be going to bed soon.

Your hugs help so much - knowing I have this family here gets me through a lot.

Hi MJ- I hope you are feeling better this morning- I could tell from the tea room thread yesterday that things weren't going well for you. When depression comes on it's like a storm coming, and sometimes you just have to accept it and let it pass. The pain part of this disease can really wear you down, and I am so sorry you are experiencing so much of it right now. Here's a hug for you
Knowing you you will go to work this morning in pain and no one at work will know! My Dad is an architect, and I have a degree in art so I know you have a high pressure and very competitive job(even though I'm sure you love it!). I hope today goes better for you- we love you!

Valerie

MJ,

I hope you're feeling a bit better this morning also. It's impossible to keep a good mood about this stuff all the time. I think you're really smart to just admit that you are down about it right now. That'll help take the pressure off and give you a chance to look for what is going RIGHT.

You sound like somebody who just keeps going and going no matter how hard it is. My personality is built like that too, and although there are really good things about that (like, surviving), I find that it makes it hard to admit when we're not coping really well. My husband has often told me that he doesn't always really know how I'm feeling, because mostly what he sees is what I'm doing - but he knows I'll keep going till I drop in my tracks.

Some depression is inevitable with constant pain and illness. It'll lift. Truly.

And good for you for deciding to seek more aggressive treatment. Any doctor who is ignoring constant daily pain is just wasting your valuable time and energy. I hope you can get in with someone soon, someone who will take you seriously and really work with you.

Take good care of yourself.

Lynne

Hey MJ!

I hope you are feeling a bit better today!

One day at a time, one foot in front of the other....I know sometimes that stinks and it's hard to do, but we just got to keep on keeping on!

I forget did you find a new doctor already or are you still looking??

Hope you are doing better today my dear!!

Aww MJ Im ss. I know just what you are going through. I am in the same spot right now, sept Im not between Drs. Mine just dont know what to do to help.

Its hard living in constant daily pain. It wears a person down. Hang in there girl! Keep us posted on when you get to see your new Doc, but for now heres lots and lots o

Hope today is a better day!


Tawsha

Googobs of 'em!

I'm sorry you've been feeling down. We've all been there a time or two or a gazillion. This is an energy-sapping disease, and it's hard not to feel discouraged when it drags on and feels like it's zapping our souls in the process. You're entitled to get mad at things once in a while.

I hope you find your new doctor soon. Make sure they know how hard it's been recently when you make that appointment, and make sure that they know you want to be put on the waiting list for cancellations. Then call every so often during the meantime. I've found that sometimes they have cancellations and "forget" to call and move people up. As long as you're pleasant about it, hounding them about cancellations can be effective.

MJ I'm ss it's so hard now! I hope you're feeling a little better today! Droolie has some really good advice there - it may take some persistence to get in to see a new doc sooner rather than later.
Love you bunches!
Megs

Hi all. Thanks for your messages today. I made it through work today, so that's something. One foot in front of the other.

Eileen, I did find a new doc. My neuro (the awesome guy) and my specialist (who was fired) both faxed over my records for review to the new specialist, Dr Elliott, who is on our list here. There's a mandatory case review before they'll let you schedule - sometimes they won't even take you as a new patient but it sounds like they will be taking me.

I called the new specialist again this afternoon - the note in my file still says they need clearance from the doc before they can schedule me. The woman I talked to said she would have his nurse (? or scheduler? I'm not sure which) call me back, but I didn't hear back before the end of the day. So I'll call again tomorrow.

Droolie, thanks for the advice - I'll be sure to let them know next time I talk to them that I REALLY need to get in since my head's just been getting worse lately. I am nothing if not persistent!

The depression is still here today. It doesn't help that the clouds and rain are back this week. It's harder to feel optimistic when it's dreary outside.

Knowing I have this family here is all that keeps me going sometimes. Well, you guys and DBF. You will all be happy to know he's been treating me extra nice since I've been down. He's making me diet-friendly brownies tonight (my favorite!!), and brought pretty tulips home from the grocery store - which reminds me, I need to put them in some water. The man is a saint.

I know I can get through this, and letting it out here helps a lot, but it just seems very bleak right now.

Hope you are feeling better today Max! If not, hugs, and



DBF sounds like a dream! You're definately very lucky!

I hope you get into your new doc's office soon!!!! Keep us posted!

I still can't shake this depression. I woke up this morning and nothing worse than usual happened, but it's just one of those days where I feel like coping is just so hard. It was a huge accomplishment for me just to get out of bed and go to work today - too bad no one else at work realizes that!

I did finally get an appointment with Dr E for May 21, the first one they had. They don't keep a cancellation list. I'm welcome to call in, but they don't normally have any cancellations. I do plan to call in to check. Right now it seems impossible to wait that long. I know it isn't even that long, but with this constant pain waiting 5 minutes is sometimes impossible. I am actually somewhat encouraged that there's a wait to get in - with my last specialist I got an appointment in under 2 weeks the first time, and that didn't turn out too well. Hopefully this will be better.

I'm really trying not to look at these weeks stretching out between now and the appointment, but I don't know what I'm going to do until then. The past few times I've taken my Imitrex + ibuprofen combo it's hardly even made a dent in my migraine. I have the IV option at the fired specialist's office, but I don't feel terribly confident in that option, since that office seems to have such staffing issues.

When I went in last time the nurse they had doing the IV is one who doesn't normally do them (she said) and she left me alone much of the time. I really wasn't happy about it. I'll schedule one if I'm feeling desperate but if it only gives me a few hours of low-pain relief, I feel like, what's the point?? One IV isn't going to break this cycle, and that office can't do much more for me.

Grr. I don't understand why this has to be so hard. Migraines are hard enough to deal with, without having to fight with doctors and everything else too.

Good, good, good. I am SO glad to hear this. I was ready to get on my or who knows what else..... so ignore that question in the other folder..


May will be here before you know it and we can help you get there.

MJ - 10 minutes at a time, okay? And every every every nice thing you can do for yourself, hot baths, walks, flowers, yummy food, novels, movies, I don't know, what ever! Use your relaxation tapes as much as you can. Keep on imagining MJ as the dear sweet person you want to pamper - be very very kind to yourself.

We love you!
- Megs

MJ-

I think you must be my twin right now.... although you're considerably ahead of me in the process, or at least it appears that way currently. Sorry you're feeling so down. I certainly know how you feel. It starts to seem like the pain is gonna get the best of you, even though you've worked so hard... especially when the people who are supposed to be your advocates seem to be working against you.

I don't know what it is, but it does seem like a lot of doctors nowadays have lost sight of what really being a doctor should entail... caring for people. Not just toting around a prescription pad and shuffling patients in and out like a deck of cards... and even though I think we all can fall into the trap of viewing doctors as "greater than I" at times, they are still just people, and it hurts when somebody treats us like our pain doesn't matter.

I think it's totally natural for you to still be carrying around a little bit of pain and resentment at your last doctor's indifference to your pain. Sounds like you're still occasionally involved with that office... even with what little relief they can offer you, with a bit of wait ahead of you I can understand wanting to take what you can get!

I hope you start feeling better soon. Keep encouraging yourself--no cheerleader can beat the "inner parent", as hokey as that can sound.