Migraine

She gave me ol ultimatium... go to work or be fired. No decrease in hours, nothing, just full time or no time. Then she implied I was no doing anough proactively to help my condition. So If I try my every random treatment, lifestyle changes, and diet, then fail then it is my fault. The patient is always the victim, our fault for not doing better. Then she said I should 'get rid' of my cats, cause of the asthma, even though the serious asthma attacks I had a month ago were because I was taking a triptan that causes asthma attacks in order to get to work. And it ticked me off. What right does she have to tell me I need to do more to cure myself, that I need to give away cats that I love. Then she said the staff were complaining cause I was getting 'special treatment' as in able to have more sick days. So she wrote me up for missing too many days, and has written documentation, so can be fired if I miss up. It upset me of and made me sad all at once... I find it rude she suggest I am not doing enough to make myself better... I have tried so much stuff my head is spinning. And sad because there is not a thing I can do about it. The migraines will come, and in this hormonal stage they are constant... but I have to go to work... so essentially she is saying I have to come in mo matter what state I am on, taking as many meds as possible to do so, and hopefully siliently suffer so I don't induce false sympathy for my co-workers.

And I am tried. I am taking too many abortives and T3 just to get to work, am useless after work. And so stressed out at work lately. And so moody. And I don't know what to do about it. I am just negative adn not hopeful of anything changes things. And the isea of making it to work every day the way I feel, is frightening and so draining. I have improved, I don't miss every day, and lately I go with a migraine, it is just the read bad ones I don't or go to the ER... but improved is not perfect. No matter how hard I try to please these people it is never enough.

OOPS! Edited by moderator. Please remember to use family friendly language. Thanks!

Myth,

I'm so sorry your boss is acting like this towards you. I've been there several times myself and it is so frustrating. Have you shown your boss doctors notes, ER notes or anything to let them know you have a serious medical disease? I understand exactly what you're going through and I had to sit my boss down and through tears told him how I felt. He finally understood.

I'm sure you've already seen this but maybe you can give your boss these letters that Teri wrote:

Migraine Education-For Those "Who Don't Get It" and

Understanding Migraines and Migraineurs

Maybe this will help shed some light on your situation? Please let us know how your doing, k?

Big, huge

Take care!!

Hi Myth,

Although I don't have an immediate answer for you, I'm sorry your boss is giving you a hard time. We know you are working hard to take control of your Migraines. One of my favortive expressions is "you can't educate the ignorant" and clearly some folks at work fall into that category.

Any chance you could transfer to another department? I'm just thinking outloud now.

Hang in there seems kind of lame right now, but we are here for you and cheering you on.

Myth,

I just want to give you and than your boss a swift kick. I know the hug will help, the kick will not. Though you might enjoy watching me give the swift kick!!


Myth, I am better at practical advice. So here goes. If your company is large enough, please talk to your human resources department. If your company is not large enough, review your policy manual for the company's sick policy.

I know where my DBF works even though they get 10 sick days, after 3 separate 3 occurances they are counseled. But all of this is clearly laid out in their policy manual. There is no surprise in any of this. Your supervisor may be able to write you up about your use of sick leave, but she does not have the right to tell you how to live your life. You could be allergic to cats and if you want 10 of them it's your right to keep them. She is not your keeper. She is only your manager. If she was a good manager she would ask if there is anything in the work environment that would be done to better accomodate you, glare screens on computers, a better monitor with contrast/brightness controls, turn off florescent lighting over your desk, drown herself.......

Also in talking with your HR department talk to them about Family Leave. It's early I can't remember the whole name. If your migraines are still this frequent, you may need to consider this while you are getting them under control. Last year when mine were so out of control and I was switching medications etc in hind sight I wonder if that would have been better for both me and my employer.

Does your company have an employee assistance program that offers free conseling (3-5 visits usually) for a specific problem? If so, I would try to use it and talk to someone about this problem with your boss and your health and work out a plan.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this on top of everything else. You can make it work. Your supervisor may not make it easy. Do you feel like your doctor is the right doctor for you and you are making the progress with the control of your migraine disease you should be? That is certainly another consideration in all of this. I haven't seen many of your other posts to know about your doctor.

Take care,

Cindy

Myth so sorry you have to put up with this mess! Cindy gave some very good advice. The leave she's talking about is the FMLA - Family Medical Leave Act and i think there's info on this site about it somewhere - Hosts, can you help me out here? It kicks in after you use your sick leave. The main point is though it's unpaid leave, they can't fire you for taking it, and you can take it intermittently, I believe.

I also suggest you sit down and marshall all your info, dr. notes, company policies, and go in and request a meeting with HR or your supervisor. Be prepared ahead of time, and even if it's through tears, you will have the upper hand. You might visit Diana Lee at Somebody Heal Me who is an attorney and I believe has expertise in disability advocacy.

Good luck and come talk to us about it as much as you need to!

- megs

Myth,

I'm sorry you are dealing with all of this. I know some days it's hard enough to put one foot in front of the other, but then to have your boss harping on you about this on top of it, ugh!

Maybe it's time to cut losses here? Not saying that you'd be giving up, but I know you've been back and forth with this for some time now.

It really is a yucky situation. I know for me, I'm at the point where I just don't care anymore where I am.

Things will get better my dear.....hugs!!!

* wraps Myth up in a scaly hug and blows a HYOOGE whoosh o' dragon flames towards evil "boss person" *

That's a good one!

quote:

Originally posted by dragondroolHOST:
* wraps Myth up in a scaly hug and blows a HYOOGE whoosh o' dragon flames towards evil "boss person" *

Take care of yourself, Myth.

Here's a link to some FMLA info from the Dept. of Labor web site:

http://www.dol.gov/esa/regs/compliance/whd/whdfs28.pdf

Good luck.

Thnaks everyone! It has been stressful. I actually did take a medical leave of absence, then came back, then another month off and back again. Mostly from medication changes... I was taken off triptans for awhile, which was so not fun. To take more would require long term disability, which is quite a bit more paperwork and I recently changed doctors so that is not likely to happen. I live in a small city so transfering, while quite possible, would require long commutes. We do have a large human resources department, offering various services that I am considering taking advantage of. My moods are just swinging all over the place and it has made things difficult. I don't know there is much more I can do but use grit and willpower to get through one day at a time... but I know from experience this is not something I will be able to do long term. So I essentailly have to depend on the hope for an effective, in any way, preventative asap and right now not full of loads of hope.

Myth--

It was mentioned before, but you may be eligible for a few counseling sessions. Migraineurs often suffer from clinical depression. That can mean you can get insurance covered psychological counseling. I think that someone to talk to, to share your total frustrations, etc. with would be a good idea for you right now.

The amount of stress you're trying to deal with is bound to be affecting your migraines adversely, and having someone to talk to who is trained to help you with coping skills could even make a difference in the number and intensity of your headaches.

Tracie

It sounds like going to human resources is a great idea for you to try. I'm sure they offer many programs to take advantage of while you're going through all this. Having someone to talk to will help a bunch!

I know this is hard for you to deal with right now, but we are here for you and we can provide you loads and loads of hope! Hang in there Myth!!

I've been reading back over this post, and one of the things that bothers me most is your boss telling you what to do in your personal life. It's one thing for a boss/manager to ask if your comfortable sharing what is being done with your treatment, but I would ask HR if she can legally say things like that.

Making sure what the company's sick leave policy is and if documentation is required when you are out is very important for you. Each state can be so different that it would be difficult for any of us to comment on what may or may not be legal in your state. Also sometimes specific contracts can apply to you (if you're part of a union say).

Tracie's suggestion of ongoing counseling really is good. While the employee assistance program is excellent, something more long term might well be more warranted. Migraine diease is tough. It's alot to handle. I'm back seeing my counsler and I don't know what I would do without her. I just find life more difficult to deal with. In the past my EPA program has lead me to a counseler/therapist that was also covered by my insurance. Which was a huge help.


Take care Myth

Cindy