Migraine

I've been having a lot of trouble lately, that comes and goes, and it's just been wearing on me for a while. I haven't felt up to posting about all of it yet. I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed.

This has been a tough summer for me for any number of reasons, even though my pain levels have actually decreased some for the first time in years. Physically, I'm improving. Mentally, I'm still struggling.

The big stress right now is DF's and my financial/employment situation. We've been looking for jobs since we were laid off last November (almost 10 months ago). I found a part-time job in March and DF found one in June, but both of us are reaching the breaking point in underpaid, dead-end jobs. Don't get me wrong - I'm VERY thankful we have jobs. But we're both making so little that we still pull unemployment benefits. All of that together and we're still only getting about half of the income we did pre-layoff.

Financially, we're doing okay. Our debt is going up incrementally, but we still have some savings and are far from the bottom of the barrel. It's just to the point where both of us thought we'd have found something else by now. Our unemployment is running out, which carries more stress. DF just filed for his extension and I'll be eligible for mine in another week or so, but it's scary to realize we're coming up to the end of that cushion. And it's hard to keep up the momentum of actively seeking jobs in the face of so much rejection, or (more often) nonresponse, from potential employers.

I am getting really fed up with my job, too, and of course I'm not going to leave it before I have somewhere else to go. The other receptionist at work drives me absolutely crazy. She's incredibly immature (she actually gave me the silent treatment last week... seriously) and tries to assert her authority over me by yelling at me about stupid stuff. Even though we're supposed to have a set shift schedule now, she's constantly changing it and short-changing me hours. (When I was hired, I was told I'd get about 25-30 hours a week. Now I'm getting around 17.) She's younger than me, which doesn't help, and she's the type to hold grudges. She's still holding a grudge about the week I had to take off after my LP in April when I was bedridden with a spinal headache.

And, while my treatment plan is starting to work, I still have a long way to go. I have constant head pain between the PTC and my daily Migraines. I always feel some amount of crummy. The weather this summer has just made everything worse, and the stress (which adds to my anxiety/depression) certainly isn't helping anything.

With all this going on, I'm having trouble sleeping. Or, on the nights I do sleep, I have incredibly vivid dreams and don't wake up feeling rested. I feel like I'm doing everything I can to reduce my stress (good self-care and staying proactive about applying to jobs) but it doesn't make it go away. I just need a break and I feel like I can't catch one.

MJ I'll cross my fingers and pray that you find the pause button for your life, because then maybe I'll be able to find it.

I understand how you feel about the long period of unemployment. My DH had been unemployed for the last year, he tried all summer to get even a minimum wage job. He will be going to school full time, so won't be looking as intensely.

As for the girl you work with at work, she does sound immature and clueless about life issues. Your life isn't full of meaningless things and I imagine that's what fills this girl's life. She thinks that you were hired to be her back up, and well isn't about to let you forget that. She probably is feeling very threatened by your presence. It has the sounds of a situation that is going to get worse before it gets better. Good luck with dealing with her and enduring a job you hate.

Emotional issues do stress our minds, souls, and bodies. Here's hoping and praying that you can find the strength and purpose to go on.



Mary in NM

Oh MJ,

I hate hearing you so down. But I know how "life" tends to do that to us sometimes. Difficult periods are always made more so when we are in constant pain, whether it is a 10 or a 3, continuous non-stop pain is exhausting, frustrating and downright crappy. When unemployment is added to the mix.......life just becomes a giant bowl of dung !

You know me, gotta do something - any chance you could speak to the person who hired you? Stating you took this job because you wanted 25 hrs and are only getting 17 hrs? Sounds like no matter what you do, Ms. Nasty will be Ms. Nasty and may be a no win situation. Any chance you can just "uh huh" her, and "yes" her so she stays out of you hair if you know what I mean. Real short, one liners that don't engage her - people like that hate it!!!

I so hear you MJ!

I'm sorry you have been dealing with the "mean girl" at your job. That does not make it easier to get up and go in to work, does it. I had to deal with this for a very long time with "perfume girl". It was horrible.

When I dealt with this situation at work, it was the "kill 'em with kindness" approach that I took first. That way, there really was nothing for this girl to say about me.

Do you have a head hunter that can help find you a job? I know that really helps sometimes. Just get out there and network. You have a great personality - I can tell from your posts and from our brief phone calls. You will find something new in no time. Heck, if you just want out of what you are doing now - I'm sure there must be some other part time office work somewhere near you! It stinks because I am looking for someone to bring on once we move, but I'm sure the commute to NJ would not be very helpful! LOL

Keep your head up! You can only do what you can do. It's hard out there right now for everyone. Just keep on looking and you will find something better than you had before!

Aw, MJ, this all stinks.

I know how the unemployment stuff goes- I was laid off before you... and sending out resumes, going to interviews and getting my hopes dashed have just become part of life right now. I think that I get another extension, in fact, I pray that i'm still eligible for another extention on the unemployment.

I'm with Nancy- the "uh- huh's" sometimes work wonders...Also- just think- when you finally get another job, she'll still be stuck there, doing what she's doing now. Sometimes when I'm in a deadend position, that helps me psychologically deal with ppl who are annoying me!

Hugs

MJ,
I'm sorry you're having a rough time. Your coworker does sound very immature and pretty clueless in my opinion. I agree with Nancy about talking to the perosn who hired you about why your hours are being cut so much. Even with your health issues there's no reason for that girl to hold a grudge against you. She keeps stealing all your hours, so why should she complain about having to take over a couple of shifts while you were out for a very legitimate reason. I really hope things work out ok for you.

I hope things turn around for you. I understand the unemployment thing. DBF has been out of work for 4 months now. We're trying not to let it be stressful, but if I have to give up one of my jobs we may have some problems.

Meli

MJ - I can relate on so many fronts! It is a struggle to keep going, and keep "up" in the face of everything. And yet, the alternative is to cave and give in to misery, so... don't want to go there!!! You are doing a great job, in the face of it all, you really are.

The job thing - you know I'm also working at something well below my abilities - sometimes my boss does something completely beyond the pale, or a customer is nasty, and I'm thinking "I don't need this!" but the unfortunate fact is I do... but I do a few things - I put a big grin on my face (a version of Eileen's kill them with kindness approach) - and I laugh about whatever it is, and I also confront whatever it is. Kind of, "hey I just know you don't mean you resent me for an illness completely beyond my control - I just KNOW you're not petty like that!" with a big smile. But also, to keep on speaking to your boss about it makes sense. No reason to take it lying down.

The job search thing. I know the feeling of rejection and the difficulty of continuing in face of that - but it really really is a numbers game, and the numbers shift in times like these - it just takes more persistence than it used to. Keep at it, keep at it, keep at it, and keep letting go of the feelings in connection with it the best you can. It doesn't mean anything about you!!! Getting the job means being in front of the right person at the right time, being persistent, networking, using connections. Life rewards action, it really does. The people who keep at it find the opportunities and are the ones who make it through tough times - the ones who give up, don't. That's what I keep seeing!

Hang in there sweetie!

- megs

Thank you ladies so much for your support!

I have talked to my boss about the shifts, several times. The day I came back after taking off for the spinal headache, Ms Nasty (love the name, Nancy!) was training another receptionist who was supposed to be our backup in case someone gets sick. There are 3 of us that work as receptionists: me, Ms Nasty (K) and a third girl (C) who has a limited schedule. The new girl (J) was hired to be our backup.

After J was trained, K started giving some of my shifts to her. I talked to my boss about it and let her know that I needed to know if the reduction in hours was going to be permanent so I could get a second job. She gave me a bit of a raise instead, which was fine, because I was still making about the same amount of money per week.

Now, even though J didn't work there all summer, my hours have steadily eroded. K (who makes up the schedules, BTW - she considers herself the office manager; she does have more responsibility than the rest of us but I think she may have taken on a lot of that herself) started giving C more hours when C quit her second job. After a long meeting with all four of us (three receptionists plus our boss), we agreed to work a set schedule. C and I were sick of stupid 2-hour shifts that were irregular week to week. I agreed to work only four days per week if it meant I worked longer shifts.

The first thing K does with our new schedule is reduce my shifts all by at least a half hour. No reason given. Now she's cutting back my hours even more. I've brought this up with my boss again, who says she'll talk to Ms Nasty about it, but I highly doubt that will happen. My boss is a nice enough person, but she can be a total flake, and doesn't like confrontation. It's obvious she feels very dependent on K to run her business, and since she's been there more than 3 years, she often gets the benefit of the doubt. My boss also gave a bit of an excuse for K's behavior, thinking she wants to bank her hours before she goes on vacation next month, and pointed out I would get some hours back while K was on vacation.

Except, now that we have the schedules for while K is on vacation, I discover I'm only getting 3 extra hours the whole time K is gone. C is getting about half of the available hours and J appears to have been re-hired and is taking the balance of time. So I'm still working my regular shifts for the most part. I have already talked to my boss about this and she said we would straighten everything out after K's vacation. At this point, I'm sick of bringing this up with my boss because I don't think it will be fixed. K is in control of the schedules and it's obvious she's going to work as many hours as she possibly can.

I'm trying to funnel all of my frustration about work as motivation to keep on the job hunt. I've been applying to all sorts of jobs, part-time, full-time, office, medical, architectural, whatever I'm qualified for. I try not to let the lack of success get to me or take it personally, but it's just HARD. I know I would be really good at any number of jobs, but I also know that potential employers aren't necessarily looking for the best candidate in their huge stacks of applications - just one that's good enough.

On top of all that, I still have some serious doubts about whether I'm healthy enough to go back to a job like I had before. I've had a tremendous amount of improvement in my health since the layoff, and while much of that is a more effective treatment regimen, I know a big part of it is getting away from the trigger nightmare that was my last job. I'm not letting that stop me from applying to jobs and staying on the hunt, but it's hard to have that worry.

I am fortunate that I don't actually see K that much while I'm working. Our shifts don't overlap by much. Nancy, I have been trying the "uh huh" trick, but sometimes I let myself get drawn in with her. All of you are right that her issues are definitely hers and not mine. She's one of those toxic people that makes herself feel better by making others feel worse. I will not be sad to leave her behind when I do finally move on from this job!!

It's just so frustrating, though, all of it. DF is getting frustrated with not having found another job, too, so there is sometimes a lot of stress and frustration in the house. I know that we can make it through this, but it just seems like such a long journey until one of us gets some sort of a break. Right now I'm working a lot on just not despairing.

Sigh. I didn't mean for this to turn into such a book, but it does feel good to get this off my chest.

MJ,
I see the reality of unemployment issues everyday in my job (banking), and yes, it is very depressing. Lots of businesses have been going out of business and people have lost their jobs. This is probably one of the worst times to be looking for a job, so don't take it personally that you are having trouble. Many companies have been downsizing. A lot of us feel thankful to just have jobs at all. I'm sure you already know all this. Looking for a job is no fun even during good times. You're right, being miserable with your current job is one of the best motivations for looking for another one. I wish you the best with your job search and I am sure that you are definitely better qualified and better suited for something else.

As far as the hair salon, I just got my hair done this morning and my hair stylist just confided in me quietly how "catty" the receptionists are and how difficult it is to get them to help her out sometimes. I don't know if that type of business just attracts shallow type people? I know there are difficult people everywhere, though.

Peggy

I'm still just having a lot of trouble.

Things are mildly better at work. My boss gave me a raise last week, to help make up for the lack of hours. She knows it's been an issue, and while I wish she and K would work something out, I'll certainly take the raise. K will be going on vacation next week, so after tomorrow I won't have to see her for almost 2 weeks, and that is certainly a cheerful thought.

I'm just still having trouble, though. I feel like the health issues and unemployment issues would be enough to deal with individually, but getting socked with both is making it really tough to get through the day sometimes. I spent yet another weekend on the couch because I wasn't feeling well enough to do much more than that. The pain is still there, constantly, and sometimes it's all I can do to just not scream. I'm frustrated, angry, upset, depressed and just plain worn out from feeling so crummy all the time. It's terrible how this constant pain just takes such a psychological toll on me and I hate having so few people in my life that understand that. The cattiness at work just gets to me sometimes when it's all I can do to keep going for just a few more minutes.

I just hate being in this holding pattern, both with my treatment and with my job. I'm at a loss about what to do, other than what my mom keeps telling me - don't despair.

Oh sweetie, I wish I could make it all better for you...

MJ,

I'm just now reading this thread and my heart goes out to you, my friend! Oh I hate that all of this is on your shoulders and I can see where you would be so overwhelmed!

I just want you to know that I'm rooting for you!
Mega comfort hugs...


Kelly

Hi MJ,

I so wish I had a magic wand and I would take all your worries and frustation away!! Sending lots of hugs and positive thoughts to get you through this. Miss ya!!

Dar

MJ

I wish I could fix it for you, too. I'd love to be able to dribble some caustic dragony drool on her pointy little head and dissolve all her nastiness in one swell foop. Would that I could.