Migraine

I'm so angry with those in my life that feel my health isn't important to me. I have to take care of me now. I am the only one working and it pains me when I can't even catch a break.

I don't get days off to rest. When I'm not at work I work. My head hurts so bad some days. The music, the family grips, the bill colletors calls. Then my chest begins to hurt, my head pounds pounds pounds pounds.

Don't really want to burden anyone with my problems because everyone has them. The same time I can't let it get to me.
This grip is about me wanting a break from madness. The horrible thoughts that go through my mind. . . you really don't want to go there.

My 18 yr old is talks to me like we have always been equal.
My now 25 yr old is happy,but wants her own place.
My ex, whom is my support (ha ha) thinks if I correct him on something that he's not a man and women should never correct him. So it's poor me.

Dang! Now I have an arua. I just can't do both right now. Can barely contain my anger.

Just want to scream " Leave me be." No I sit and just take it. I go home and just take it. I don't want to be sick forever, but then they at least behave. I just want a break...... I thought maybe I can get a hotel after work and stay the night. I don't work on weekends right now.

At least then I can breath again. Just be me.

No then again they will look for me and I come home to them griping at me. Not to say they don't worry, but I'm done...........



Dutchess

Dutchess-
Oh I am sorry you are going through this! Families are complicated things aren't they? And sometimes it is so darned hard to be mother and wife. And you are right, it is a 24/7 thing.

If you call your husband and tell him you just need a little time to yourself to rest and relax without any distractions for one night would he just be shocked and say okay? You might actually be surprised! I didn't think mine would but I did it once. My therapist really encouraged me to take a night for myself.

If you can't take a whole night, is there a place in your house you can go to be alone? Just to sit, breathe and try to restore a bit of your reserves- perhaps some time doing imagery or meditation? That incessant teen music....I get that. Maybe outside or in the basement where it won't be as noisy or distracting?

I hope you can get some time and some space.

You have my good thought!

Be blessed-
Dawn

((Dutchess))

How many times have I called out the words from the commercial and said "Calgon, take me away from here!!!).

I'm so sorry things seem so overwhelming right now!!!

I wish I had some magical answer to give you! But I do want you to know that I empathize and am thinking about you!!!

Sometimes with adult children you just need to be assertive about YOUR needs! Take care of yourself!!

Hoping you get a much needed break soon!!

Cyn

Dutchess,

My heart goes out to you my friend. Dealing with the demands of a family, job and your own health can be overwhelming, very very overwhelming.

I've been a single mother of 2 for 11 years. My kids are now both off to college and I also remarried. The worst of my migraines was before I met my husband and I as alone with the kids. There was so much to cope with.

One thing that helped me the most was counseling. They helped me figure out how to set limits on the people asking me for things, how to deal with the kids, their activities and migraines.

In order to be the best for your family, you have to take care of yourself first, please remember that.

Take care my friend and keep talking to us please. So many of us understand.

I needed that. I'm going to try to see a therapist.

Dutchess

Dutchess,

I hope you find this funny, but when I see your name the first picture that comes to my mind is the dear dog my family had for 11 years. That was her name too!! So whenever I see your name it brings a smile to my face. As cute as she was, forturnately you look nothing like her!!!

I'm happy that you will try and find a counseler. I don't know what kind of work you do or who you work for, but some companies have what is called an Employee Assistant Program. There are all kinds of services through this, the one I have used most is the free counseling. It is usually available to anyone living in your house. The number of visits is limited, but it's a good way to get started.

You mentioned the ages of two of your kids, I don't know if you have any more, but they are not infants. Always remember that there is a fine line between helping and enabling our kids.

My son this summer worked on a farm this summer. Some of the work was fun (making deliveries and driving the trucks), but some was not so fun (cutter suckers off of fruit trees). It really helped him see the value of post high school education and/or training. I think he entered college with a much better attitude toward the value of his education.

While the economy is not great, I do see jobs available. They are not glamerous or easy jobs, but they are out there. Perhaps it's time to limit how much you help your kids. It may bring home to them the value of what you are doing for them.

These are the types of things a counseler can help you with. It's not easy. But they can really help get your thoughts together on the bottom line issues for you and how to deal with them.

Oh and don't stop if the first person you see you don't click with. Clicking with the person is so essential. The woman I see now I really feel like I can say anything to her, anything at all. At first I found her to be a bit distant, but I came to realize that she is not there to be my best friend, but there to help me work out problems in my life. I think only once or twice has she mentioned something personal. And I find I really like that. It's about me, not her!!

Well I have rambled on long enough. Take care and keep talking to us!!

Cindy

Dutchess! I hope you do get that "you" day, whether you book a room all to yourself, or demand everyone else to go OUT to have a day together while you have a day IN to yourself. I'd say you have every right to insist on some quality you time, particularly since your kids are adults and should be able to see to themselves for a few hours.