Migraine

I broke down last night when I went to bed and ended up crying to DBF for probably an hour. I'm still feeling mixed up after my visit to my specialist on Monday and that's spiraled into a lot of other stuff.

I am just - so - sick of this constant head pain. And it really upsets me that the only changes my doc was willing to make was to suggest some supplements to add. That's it. No rescue meds, nothing when I exhaust my abortives, which I inevitably do every week. Just, "the only thing we can do is find an effective preventive".

Like I told DBF last night, I'm having a serious case of why even bother. I've made a lot of lifestyle changes to try to help my head, and they may have helped a little (it's hard to tell) but the constant pain is still there. I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing but the pain doesn't go away, ever.

I just can't stand doing this anymore - continuing to go to work and trying to function like everything's fine. It's not. I feel sick all the time, and sitting under the fluorescent lighting at work all day just makes me miserable. I feel like there are no good answers to any of my questions.

Help... I know in my head I don't want to give up, but I can't help feeling like that today.

MJ
I wish I was there to offer chicken soup and hugs, though neither help the pain . Is it time to see if the IV therapy the doctor did offer would help?

I have always been amazed listening to your posts at how you move forward with the amount of pain you are in. You are possibly, with the diagnostic study tomorrow, close to finding out a root cause of your problem. It's not time to throw in a towel. It might be time to throw things to realive your stress, but there are answers out there for you. Tomorrow is a step toward that, even if it's ruling something out.

We are here for you. Think strongly about calling the doctor for the IV treatment today, now. You need relief.

Cindy

MJ, my dear, I know how you feel. I feel this way frequently too.

I'm sorry that you don't feel like you are getting results from your doctor. It sounded like an ok visit to me. Suppliments need time to work their magic, just like a preventive would. Give it some time.

I know that's not what you want to hear, I know you want a definate. I do too when I feel that way. But there isn't one.

And as far as acting like you are ok - why? If you hurt, you hurt! I'm not saying milk it, but don't take on extra if you physically cannot do it.

And if the lights at work bother you - go celebrity and wear sunglasses! If that's what helps - then that's what helps. I do it all the time in my cubicle. Darn florescent lighting kills me!

I know how you feel my dear. We all have our moments. That's why we are all here. To help pick each other up when we feel like this. We are here for you to lean on if you need us.

MJ,

First:

OK--Maybe a few more are needed today:

It's OK to feel the way you're feeling. I think we all hit a wall sometimes--this disease takes an awful lot out of all of us. It's particularly difficult for people like you--people who don't ever get a break in their pain.

You're not gonna give up. You're much too important around here...we simply won't let that happen!

Now, let's stop and think a bit. Your doc agreed it's OK to start the supplements. That's a small change, but it's still a change. And we all know from reading here that supplements CAN make quite a difference in our migraine and HA patterns.

And she gave you the option of the IV treatments for the really bad times. That's something new, too! Maybe you could even call to see about having a treatment soon...it's possible it might break your HA cycle for even a few days. (I know in the past, my doc suggested giving me monthly outpatient IV treatments to stop the migraine for a day or two and give me a couple days of sanity. Maybe this would be helpful for you, too?)

I know the daily pain really wears you down. But you've got to take one moment at a time. Do what you need to do to get through today. Wear sunglasses, take a walk at lunch--whatever you need to do to get through. Then go home, get lots of rest, and think things over.

It's important that you let your doctor know if you're feeling really overwhelmed. Maybe she didn't hear that in your voice during your appointment...but she'll certainly hear it if you place a call to her nurse and explain your feelings again!

We're always here for you!

jenny

Virtual hugs coming through your monitor!

It's normal to feel the way you do. You're in constant pain, and it's difficult to do anything about it. What you're doing doesn't seem to be working. It feels like it's taken over your life.

All I can tell you to do is to keep looking for the right preventive and do whatever you can to make yourself comfortable. And crying is OK.

I'm hoping tomorrow brings some answers.

Gretchen in Mississippi

Hang in there Max! We all have those days where you just want to give up on everything. And it is okay to have those days. No one has to be strong all the time.

We are all here for you whenever you need some support.

I agree with Eileen, wear sunglasses at the office. Before I started working at home (in my quiet dark apartment thank god) I wore sunglasses at my desk all the time! I merely explained to my boss that I can work with sunglasses, or I can get a pounding migraine and go home.

I hope you feel a little more hopeful about things soon. I believe there is light at the end of the tunnel for anything. Frankly, that is the only thing that gets me to sleep at nite.

MJ,

We all feel the way you do sometimes and rest assured that it is okay. Sometimes, I want to throw in the towel. I totally get it. That is why we are here...Let us hold you up when you just don't have the strength. You WILL get you strength back. Heck, your our MJ .

You are an amazing person, whom I know will never give up the fight. Others gave great advice. I agree, call your doc and let her know how you are feeling. And maybe try the IV or talk to her about rescue meds again. I know you know supplements take awhile to work, we just want the pain to stop now. This disease is so aweful sometimes.

Just know we are here, holding you up, rooting for you, and there is Hope even in days we just can't seem to see it. Hang in there!!

Dar

Ok, I'll play the devil's advocate here. I'll take the other side.

I say it isn't ok to stay in constant pain. I say it isn't ok to try and tough it out day after day with nothing but hugs to live on.

I say call that doctor back and say, "I'm in constant pain every day and if you can't fix it by [insert date], I'm firing your butt. I'm compliant, I'm doing everything you say, so now you do what I'm paying you for or I'll pay somebody else."

Then, I'd think about whether I wanted to ask for an IV treatment to see if that would break the current attack. They don't always but they frequently do. I had a toradol IV in-office that helped the pain for a few minutes but it most assuredly did not stop the attack itself. Now, I've been toughing out migraine for so many decades that I'm a bleeding martyr. I took the IV toradol and lived with the attack until the Topamax stopped the mild status migrainous (SM) I was in. Took about 2 weeks.

You may be in a mild state of SM. I've been diagnosed with it twice since I started seeing my migraine speck in November 2006--haven't been hospitalized yet either. It's living Sheol and no mistake. I can't believe there isn't anything docs will do for it but my speck seems unconcerned. Topamax has broken it both times but gah, at what a side-effect price: heat-stroke the first time and now, I'm a personality monster. There has got to be a better way.

If I could take your pain, I would, dear one. Throw out the doctor but never throw in the towel.

Oooh...MJ,

Here are some much needed hugs for you and some flowers to try and help brighten your day.

I’m so very sorry you’re going through this with your doctor and your migraines. I know it can be so frustrating to be in pain day in and day out, maybe it is time to try the IV therapy? You need to get this migraine back under control so you aren’t in constant pain.

It’s time to call your doctor and let them know what is going on with you, and that you aren’t any better off than you were Monday.

You are such a strong person! Don’t throw in the towel, we’re here for you MJ!!!

MJ, I'm sorry for stealing your thread, but I wanted to send a quick note to MW :

Hi MW,

Sending some your way, too!

I understand where you're coming from! My message to MJ may have been a little confusing...

I said, "It's OK to feel the way you're feeling." By that, I meant it's OK for MJ to feel frustration. By "OK," I mean "normal". Many, MANY times here on this forum we've had discussions like this one! We ALL feel frustrated with our doctors and the limitations of modern medicine to manage our migraine disease.

However I am absolutely NOT saying it's OK to have the level of pain she has! I have a migraine pattern much like MJ's (thankfully, though, my last 3 nerve blocks have given me 1-2 weeks of pain free time every couple of months). My normal pattern is chronic migraine that NEVER stops--it varies from a 3 to an 8 each day. It's been this way for several years. I'll definitely agree with you--It's NOT OK to suffer through and try to look normal! IMO, MJ should certainly let her doc know how she's feeling and what she needs right now!

Sometimes we have to wait longer than we want to wait for medicines to help. Sometimes we have to do whatever we can think of to get through day by day. Is this OK? Definitely NOT! Nobody should have to live like that!

When a person writes in feeling desperate and dealing with extraordinary suffering every day, sometimes a hug is nice to have! And sometimes a kind word and a bit of encouragement can go a long way!

I think you and I are both on the same page here. But I just wanted you to know that I'm not trying to say we should all just keep plodding along, pretending to be OK. Pretending that everything is OK is definitely NOT OK.

OK?

jenny

An update...

I did call my specialist, just now, and left a message on her nurses' line. I asked about going in for an IV treatment or if she had any other suggestions to break my current migraine cycle. I specifically said I wasn't looking for pain meds so hopefully she will hear that I just want relief. I did say that I'm feeling overwhelmed and the pain is really impacting my quality of life.

I'm still feeling pretty down, but it helps having all of you here to share the burden. Work is definitely not helping today - it's just one of those pretty bad days but honestly, most of me doesn't even care. The client is being cranky about one of my projects and keeps calling my boss's boss, but he (boss's boss) knows the problem isn't me so I'm just doing what I can to solve the problem and letting the client be a cranky jerk all he wants.

I had a lunch meeting in one of our very brightly lit conference rooms and took my sunglasses with me. It helped. I also looked at my calendar and saw I could take some Imitrex today, so I did. The pain is more tolerable at least.

I will be very happy when today is over and I can go home to DBF and my couch. This pain has completely gotten me down today and I just want to break this cycle. You guys are right, I don't want to throw in the towel, but it's so hard to keep going.

But thanks - I probably wouldn't have called my doc without everyone's insistence. I'll let you know if I hear back.

Definitely no "giving up" talk! No no and NO! You're making it, and just be coming here to talk about it we know you're pushing to keep going.

I'm glad you got that call into your specialist; and I hope that you see some improvement soon. And you're right, let crankypants crank all he wants...I know it's likely stressful for you but if you can't do anything about it might as well let it slide off your shoulders, right? At least someone else is running interference for you.

I hope that you're feeling better. Big hugs, and get some rest!

Well, I didn't get a call back from the nurses today. Hopefully I'll hear from them tomorrow. I'm seriously considering taking tomorrow off of work as a "mental health day" as I used to call them in school. It's somewhat of a miracle (more probably, the Imitrex) that I don't have a worse migraine right now, as I stacked just about all of my triggers today: skipped breakfast, small lunch, fluorescent lighting, big weather front coming through. Plus it was a stressful day at work. I'll see how I feel when I wake up in the morning but I may well call out. I hardly ever call out, even for migraines, so I don't feel too guilty about it.

I just hate that there's so much doubt and so many questions. I'm trying to just put off all the wondering for now but my brain just gets stuck there sometimes. Am I doing the right thing? Is this the right doc? Should I get another opinion? Is there really no better answer to my constant pain? But I'm not making any decisions tonight. For now, I'm resting like you guys said. Tomorrow is my MRI, and then it's the weekend. I just need to hold out until then.

Have you reached the threshold for an ER trip, hun?

You can consider doing this: if you don't get a call first thing in the morning from the nurse, call them back and say you're going to the ER because you can't take the pain anymore.

You don't have to live in pain, honey, scheduling your life by the calendar of when you can take your next Imitrex just so you can get a few minute's relief. Migraine management isn't supposed to be like this.

We're behind you and beside you, dear one.

MJ,
If ever a mental health day is needed, this is it. Do yourself a favor and just call out. You've got the MRI today. As MW said, call the office back first thing if you don't hear from them. You need relief. You can't and should not have to live like this.

You work so hard to do things right. The doctor needs to also. We're here with you all the time MJ.

Cindy