Migraine

just completed two days of neuropyschological testing for my ltd suit. i am so exhausted. migs both days. felt like i was dragging cement blocks around. rain both days...of course. the psychologist was very nice, someone our lawyers recommended, someone WE hired, not the ins co. so he is on our side. the degree of cognitive dysfuntion in my poor fibro mig brain was very disturbing to me. some of the tests i couldn't even finish. some i just had to guess to right answers cause i sure didn't know. did okay on the third grader test, meaning questions like who was president during the civil war, who is cleopatra, name the seven continents, altough on that one i left out antartic until he prompted me.

anyway it's over, i will spend tomorrow in bed withy ice packs and then i hope resume the limitied existence that is my life.

see you all thurs.

oh, i did get appt with other mig spec for aug.

Sounds like you earned a day in bed. At least the tests were done when you were fully affected by a migraine--they have seen you at your worst. So maybe that has good results for the future

Mary in NM

Hi LauraSue,

Thank goodness the neuropsych testing is over!

Rest and relax today!

Oh, and I'm glad to hear you got your appointment!!!!

jenny

Laura Sue--

I'm so glad for you that's over. Now off to bed for much needed rest. I hope to join you later this afternoon.

Laura, I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. I have a psych degree, and when I was in school I had to adminster those kinds of tests as practice for a class, so I can imagine how grueling that must have been.

I agree with Mary, it's for the best you had full migraines both days. This way it can really prove how much this has impacted your cognitive functioning.

You definately earned a day in bed, and I hope you're enjoying it!

I'm so glad the testing is over! It sounds icky but I know it had to be done.

How are you feeling today? Here's a much needed, well deserved

Sounds exhausting. Methinks you need a few energy augmenting smooshes...

Ooooh, droolie, energy augmenting smooshes! What a wonderfual thing!

Thanks, everyone, for your good wishes and warm support. I'm feeling much better today (although that's probably prodrome euphoria LOL!)

From time to time, I get all metaphysical/philosophical about my illness. The big question is always why me, what did I do to deserve this. I once read a story that illustrated why we can't always understand the reason for something that feels like punishment. This lady had a little dog that loved to go outside and play. One day they were doing a very dangerous construction project outside and she couldn't let her little dog go out and play. The dog looked so sad, and whined and scratched at the door, because there was no way with its perceptual and mental abilities that it could understand that it wasn't being punished, it was being protected.

I used to think that unless something could be proved scientifically it was superstitious nonsense. But now I see that it could just be that our human perceptual and mental abilities are unable to understand some of the mysteries of the universe. So we will never know the answer to the question why me, and we will always feel like we are being punished unfairly.

Unless we are willing to accept that we just don't know. A friend of mine with a religious background keeps telling me that not knowing is a state of grace. I kept rolling my eyes when he said that, since I always want to know everything. But now I think I'm beginning to get it. If we can admit we don't know, we don't have to struggle to figure it out, we don't have to feel like we're being punished like that little dog. We can just say I don't know why this is happening to me, but it's okay, I'm okay with not knowing. I have faith, I trust that there is a reason, that the universe knows, and that I just don't have the abilities to understand. I am not God. Only God is omniscient and knows all the reasons why.

So maybe I'm suffering so someone else doesn't have to. In the ying and yang of the universe, maybe there is a good to balance every bad and a bad to balance every good. Maybe my migraines and fibromyalgia are balancing someone else's good. If so, I am happy to be of service in the grand scheme of existence.

Told ya I get all filasoficul (sound it out, dears)!

Love you all so much. Thanks for being here for me and for each other and for the universe.

Hey LauraSue -
just to let you know something about MY cognitive functioning right now - I'm wondering and worrying about you this week and kept skipping over this thread cuz the title looked all technical like something I couldn't handle right now - and suddenly it occurred to me - it's in the support, vents, gripes folder - it's probably one of my dear friends in need of support - and sure enough it's you, with what I was wondering about. Duh.

Anyway - love the story of the little doggie. I've been thinking about you a lot as the last few days have not gone my way - thinking of you saying we are doing something while we lay around - we are healing our brains! That's for sure how I'm spending the last few days.

Glad your nasty testing is over and you sound much more chipper today. Rachel is in Manhattan today with her history class, so give a wave out your window, she's somewhere on the island with you!

- Megs

So sorry to hear you had such a hard couple of days... sounds horrid. Which I had seen your post earlier! Faith is a hard thing to have in times of such pain. I've found that the things I've used to motivate myself to faith in the past were totally useless against chronic pain. I had to summon new levels of abandon and surrender to believe enough to overcome this struggle.

However, faith isn't faith if you can see the reason for your hope. So it only makes sense that we should be the most faith-filled people on earth, or else become the most despondent, negative and bitter ones on earth. So I suppose we must choose faith, over and over again. Crawling over the wreckage of each day, each corpse of medical failure or personal disappointment to cling to the belief that there is a reason beyond our sight.

In the rear view mirror I see my life with much greater clarity than through the now foggy window of the front. So I accept the rear-facing seat with feelings of frustration but also with the knowledge that it can be no other way. I suppose I join you in your filisoficalizing, LauraSue. I hope you KEEP feeling better!

Thank you for the fillisoficializing, Laura Sue. Candace a dittos to you on your post.


Mary in NM

LauraSue,
That's a great illustration- when I read it, I thought about the word acceptance- and along with it, serenity. As soon as I realize I don't have to know the answer to anything(and the older I get, the more I realize the less I know!)I feel a sense freedom.

Thanks for sharing!

Valerie