Migraine

Hi,
I'm a newbie here-about a month I guess-and am having a really tough day. My migraines have been getting worse and more frequent and my doc and I are working on the meds, but as you know, that's a slow go.

I run all day at work, with our kids etc. and stay tired. I"m an office manager for a physician, and have 2 kids-age 6 and 9. I've been short staffed for 2 months now and have been putting in 55+ hr/weeks. My migraines have been worse over the last 2 months, mostly due to lack of rest. I'm doing good to get 5 hrs./night.

Today has been unusually tough. My doc is in a terrible mood today, my nurse was 2 hrs. late and I was running everything-just me. Add that to a husband who doesn't understand migraines and get mad every time I get one. He blames them on the stress at work and wants me to quit. We can't afford for me to do that and I love my job-when I have a full staff!

About 5 years ago, we had to make MAJOR lifestyle changes for my husband. Basically, I have to make everything he eats from scratch-no cans/boxes/pre-made etc. He had stroke level, uncontrolled blood pressure. Our entire family made the changes necessary, but he refuses to acknowledge that now, I need some changes for me. He doesn't help much at all and refuses to change. To make matters worse, he doesnt' require much sleep so he comes to bed at midnight or later and wakes me up almost nightly. By that time, I've had enough sleep that I can't go back to sleep for several hours. My alarm goes off at 4:30AM. He doesn't realize that HE is one of my triggers also.

I had a terrible migraine yesterday and didn't tell him because I'm tired of the attitude. However, our 9 year old did tell him. He didnt' speak to me the rest of the night and then woke me up at 2AM when he came to bed. I'm so tired today I can't see straight and I know I'm going to have his attitude tonight. I guess I just need a hug from someone that understands this disease. I'm still coming to terms with the fact that it is just that-a disease.

This forum is great and I'm so thankful I found it. I've learned so much from the people and the information on here. Thanks to you all

Lynn

Hi littlebit- Here's some hugs for you and some It's amazing how many have shared lately how their husbands are so unsympathetic to this disease! I attribute this to a lack of understanding/awareness- but no matter, what you need right now is some understanding and support, and you will definitely find it here! You are a giving person who needs to take care of herself- we're here for you any time you want to vent!

Valerie

I've got a big shoulder, and it's right here.

I've been getting angry in the virtual world about how you're being mistreated at work. Talk about being taken for granted!

And to be taken for granted at home, too.

Has your DH (maybe just H today?) been to one of your doctor appointments? Mine did once, and I think it gave him some insight.

I'll try to suggest this gently. There was a time, several years ago, when my husband and I weren't communicating. He was feeling completely neglected, and he probably was on some days. I was spending a lot of time in bed. I was overusing Stadol. My psychiatrist (I have Major Depression added into the mix) suggested a short course with a marriage counselor. He recommended a couple, and my husband's psychologist (Major Depression, too) suggested one. We chose DH's one. We went 5 or 6 or 7 or 8 times. It was the best thing that had happened in our marriage in years. In a safe environment, we could express our concerns and complaints, and the counselor helped us work out solutions.

I don't know whether your husband would be open to the suggestion, but if he won't go, you might benefit from seeing your own counselor.

Do you think something like Ambien would help you sleep better? Or is there a guest room you could camp out in? I'd guess that his being up would preclude your sacking out on the couch.

I wish I could make it all better. Virtual hugs!

Gretchen in Mississippi

Lynn,

I'm so very sorry this is going on. You've really had enough, just really enough. Perhaps if your H (Gretchen is right, we're droping the D today) had someone his head for say 3 or 4 consecitive days he might get a tiny idea of how you feel. We would take turns doing it for you

Your doctor is angry at the nurse and taking it out on you, knowing he can. Not right, not right at all. But he knows you'll take it. Like you've said, he's closed the office for you, his way of showing his appreciation.

Lynn, stand up to your husband and tell him to be quiet or sleep in the living room when he comes to bed. He is being just mean and self centered. It doesn't matter if you have migraine or not. You get up early, you need your sleep. This is one of those times you MUST be your own best friend and advocate. No one else will. Gretchen is correct the counseling is a great idea. Maybe he is feeling neglected, though for all you do I find that difficult to believe.

Take care and keep writing to us. We are here.

Cindy

Lynn

Lynn--

Somehow, when things go bad for us, they REALLY go bad. I know I've been pretty much where you are, especially with "not so dear" h. Gretchen is right. I had to stand up for myself and went for counseling on my own. It took a serious incident to get DH into counseling, but he finally did go, and it has made a huge difference. Our lives are much different--if you looked you might think we don't get along anymore. He sleeps in the spare bedroom now because of my sleep issues and having to get up early etc.

Actually, we're closer than we've been in years (married 37 yrs+ at this point). DH has recently become my migraine advocate since when I get a bad one, I seem to no longer be able to communicate.

At work, I finally just made things clear that co-workers and bosses have to understand that I have to work under less pressure than I used to, if they want me at 110%.

Remember--whenever, you're ready to scream, sign on and do so, we're here for you!!!

Tracie

Lynn- I hope you get some much needed rest tonight- Cindy is right about standing up to your husband- I wish I could for you, but I can't! Please take care of yourself tonight! You deserve it!
Valerie

Aww Lynn, I'm so sorry to hear that everything's just piling up today. And not to worry, we've got plenty of shoulders here to go around, so you just keep on leaning and crying on them as much as you need.

The others have given you some great advice and support already. When you're feeling better, and when you're ready, we can help you stand up to your husband for what YOU need.

For now, lots of love and hugs. We're here for you, ALWAYS.

Hi all,
I can't thank you enough for your hugs and help yesterday. Today started out about the same as it ended-H (not "dear") still mad and barely talking to me. I was so tired last night I fell asleep at 8:30 and didn't even notice when he came to bed. I tried to talk to him last night, but he walked out. I made up my mind that tonight, he WAS going to talk to me-no matter what. He had an ortho. appointment today for a hurt knee and when he called to tell me what he said, he was about as cold as an ice cube. Since my day was going almost as good as yesterday, that just added to it. My doc is still in a terrible mood and my new staff had a brain dead day-they couldn't remember anything so everything fell to me again.

About an hour ago, H called back and apoligized and told me how much he loves me. He wouldn't tell me on the phone what's been wrong, but I told him-didn't ask, but TOLD him-that we would talk about it tonight. I can't make him understand (I'm still trying to), but I can tell him what I've learned so far from reading and from my doc and hope he's willing to really listen.

I've never been a sick person-H is the one with all of the problems. It's time he understand that I have a problem now and he needs to help me just as I've helped him. Thanks to exercise and diet(all of the special food I prepare), his blood pressure is finally controlled. It takes a lot of work to prepare everything you eat from scratch-no cans/boxes or pre-made anything. I even have to make the bread we eat. With a family of 4-2 growing boys-that's a lot of bread and work. Eating out isn't an option for us but MAYBE once a month at the most. He needs to understand that I need help now and if he's not willing to be that help, then he's contributing to the problem-not the solution.

Please keep me in your thoughts tonight. I have no idea how it's going to go, but I need his help-one way or another. After 16 years, I would hope that he's willing to help. You all are wonderful and have helped me tremendously try to get my brain around the fact that I have a disease, not just a headache and to try and find solutions to help with that disease. I have tons of questions about meds and treatments and I know I can find answers here.

Thank you more than you all know.
Lynn

Lynn, I've only got a minute here to reply, but perhaps this will give you some help in talking to your H.

Migraine and Headache Education for Those Who "Don't Get It"

Letter: Understanding Migraine Disease and Migraineurs

That letter in particular is a great one to show to your H if you think it will help.

Best of luck to you. Know that all of us are standing behind you.

Lynn--

I'm praying for you to have a QUIET open two-sided discussion 'cause that is what it takes. Know you'll be in my mind (and my mother's prayers; which really work)!

Tracie

Of course we're all pulling for you tonight. That's a given. Done deal.

Lynn,

I'm SO glad your DH called back to apologize. Mine does that, too. Hope the talk tonight goes well. And keep coming back here, okay? It's a great place, warm and understanding and educational!

Ditto on the counseling. Saved my marriage too. Ditto on the sleep. You HAVE to get some sleep, girlfriend!!! That is not negotiable.

Hang in there, it will get better, we promise!

Lynn,

Let us know how things are going. We're on your side. I hope you and H are able to have a meaningful and fruitful conversation tonight.

Cindy

I'm thinking of you tonight, Lynn. When you have some time, let us know how you're doing.