Migraine

Waaaaaaahhhhh!

I am really having a poopy day. This is day 13 of head pain/wierdness, and only about 7 days from the last what I would call "major" migraine type thingie. Argh.

I am so incredibly frustrated.

I don't know where these things begin or end.

I started a journal 13 days ago and there's something every day. Multiple symptoms every dingdang day. On top of that and more than that are my horrible moods. Now that I know that it's migraine I am starting to notice the pattern of irritability and depression and it is just so discouraging.

I feel like I am just broken. Like my whole daggone body is just broken. I am only 30 years old and I feel 80. My eyes hurt. My ears hurt. My neck and back hurt. Im cranky and irritable. Im uncoordinated, unfocused, unmotivated. Im starting to think of my children as those "young whippersnappers..."

I know I should call the doctor ok?

Im afraid to call the doctor.

I really am.

This is the only doctor who has ever listened to me. Ever. I was just diagnosed like 2 weeks ago? Im not supposed to go back til August. I just don't want to fall all over him now about head stuff. When we were going around and around about MS I told him I didnt have an issue with headaches. That I got them occasionally but that they werent a problem. I mean, everyone gets headaches right? I figured headaches were the least of my problems when the world was spinning round and the left side of my body was numb. And I had always had frequent but mild sinus headache, I barely noticed it... So now I am more aware of this and actually noticing it as more of a pressure sensation where before I was just functioning through it and feeling anxious and angry and irritable and not knowing why, does that make sense?

I am so afraid of being thought of as a hypochondriac because I really want real help. I don't want to do this anymore.

Money, and not being able to help out... Church and nuts telling me Im this way because I want to be...

Is there not a PAUSE button, a MUTE button, something?

Sorry for the rant. You don't even have to respond. I feel a little better just getting it out.

You reslly do need to call the doctor. Sorry- I don't remember- are you seeing a Headache Specialist? If you aren't, then you should probably find one!

I know how you feel. General head ick makes me jealous of those that don't go through the pain that I do... but also, as migraine is an invisible illness, I never know what they're feeling, or if they're trudging along just as I am.

I know that you wanted to rant. How about a hug? I'm really good at doing that... Can't fix anything else, though!

Jaimee,

I'm so sorry you're having a rough day. I'm glad you came here to share your frustrations with us, that's what we're here for, to lift you up when you're feeling down

Don't be afraid to call your doctor. He is there to help you, not judge you and I doubt that he will think you're a hypochondriac. The best part is that he already listens to you and you guys have great communication.

Hang in there, sweetie!

Please keep us posted on you're feeling, k?

Jamiee,

First... And second, whine away, that's what we are here for. This disease stinks. And it's okay to rant and get your feeling and frustations out. We have all been there.

I agree with Laura and Jamie, you should call your doctor, even if it's only been two weeks. That is what they are there for. They can only help you if they know what is going on. I know you might be afraid to call, just take a deep breath and make the call. It may be easier then you think.

Hang in there, and let us know how you are doing, k?



Dar

This disease is so crummy! Don't be afraid to vent- so glad you did. Please call your doctor, and let us know how you are feeling later!

Valerie

Jamiee,

This isn't an easy thing to deal with. We've struggled to find a diagnosis, being afraid of all those deadly diseases that it could be. Then we find out that its a misunderstood, understated, invisible disease that consumes our life.

So after the diagnosis, now what? Sometimes we want to elevate that Dr. who finally took us serious to a god-like level since we are appreciative of being diagnosised. Sometimes the Dr. that diagnosised us can no do wrong in our eyes. If we start thinking like this, then we become scared to talk to our doctor. I did this.

My migraine diagnosis should have been made years ago!! It would have been if I had known how to communicate to my doctors what really was going on in my body. For too long I have downplayed my symptoms, pain and suffered without telling my doctor the hard cold facts.

My diagnosis came about because I actually had a dialogue with my doctor about something I had taken for granted--my lousy condition in life. Head pain was something I ignored just like you.

I have lived half my life with a chronic illness diagnosis--cfs. One thing I do know is that my frustration, fatigue, pain levels and inablity to cope is elevated if I don't keep depression in check.

I learned along time ago to accept that depression management is part of life with a chronic illness-migraines is one. You probably have dismissed any doctor that tells you that your depressed. Now that you have a real diagnosis, give an open mind to the mental health issues of chronic illness.

From someone that knows,



Mary in NM

Hey, thanks guys. No, I didnt call the doctor. Im really very stubborn. I took 440mg of naproxen sodium which was completely and totally POINTLESS. When my husband got home though I took 3 passionflower and lay down for an hour. That really seemed to help. I went out by myself to do some grocery shopping which was ok at first until the lights started getting to me... Took 3 more passionflower and went to bed. I have ouchie hair this morning. My cue to get off the computer.

Mary thanks. I was actually diagnosed with CFS when I was 19. I ignored it. I figured there was nothing could be done. I never reported it on any of my medical documents. I know my irritability and depression is surrounding the cycling of the migraine, so I am watching it as I start treatment and hoping it will calm down as the migraines start to spread out. Also having hormone trouble and we all know what that does to our emotions!

I guess for the most part I've been living life in denial-land. I am "anti-doctor" (I say this tongue in cheek cause obviously this can be no more). So I'm getting there. This is a huge adjustment for me. I have always considered myself to be extremely healthy. I've always had an excuse for the "little" things that bothered me, and I always treated those things myself at home with herbs and vitamins. This has been an interesting shift.

Anyway. You guys are awesome. Sorry to be a crybaby. I know alot of you have put up with alot more crud than I have. Im going to get off the computer now-- gotta get kiddos to school and I'm going to try to get my hair to stop hurting.

Jaimee --

You sound better today. I hope your hair stops hurting soon!

Acceptance is a hard part of dealing with chronic disease. I've had to give up my "healthy as a horse" self-portrait and replace it with "healthy as a horse except for migraine disease." It's nothing I did: it's just the way my genes lined up. I'm going to have to take daily meds to treat the migraines aggressively. Plus exercise, continue to lose weight, try to find more triggers, avoid the ones I have found. It's a new lifestyle. It doesn't take long for it to become automatic, but it's hard in the beginning, having to give up the "perfect" myth.

It sounds like your family is supportive, and that's great. And you've got the forum community!

Hang in there! Things WILL get better.

Gret
Gretchen in Mississippi

Jamiee,

Nineteen huh? My CFS diagnosis was in 1990, and again in 1992. By 1993 they told me it was the reoccuring type that would never go away. Once more they told me that high fevers would bring back the worst of my symptoms. The list of my worst symptoms sounds like HM. However, I haven't been lucky enough to convince a doctor of this yet. But the treatment I am recieving is completely off of Teri's migraine medicine list of over a hundred drugs. I currently take six different medicines--all that control different symptoms. Alot of my meds are what was orginally perscribed for my brother for his symptoms. I have two brothers who have the same problems.

I didn't accept depression and daily medical use until my "nervous breakdown" and mental health hospitalization. I had been told so many times that I was lazy and needed to start exercising, overdramatic, or stressed out. I never could explain what was really going on in my body, I just knew I wasn't crazy. I know that my symptoms would come and go, but I never knew why.

I was so "anti-doctor" the day they admitted me to the hospital. I almost was yelling at the doctor when he told me I had depression. But I listened to him when he said CFS wasn't fatal but sucidal depression was. I worked with that psychatrist for five years. He treated my depression and anxiety that came from whatever the real chronic illness was.

My reluctant nature to meds meant I tried going off my meds after five monthes of treatment twice. Each time the depression got worse and all of my symptoms overwhelmed me. I come from a very strong personal religous faith and just didn't want to accept that depression could be anything more than lack of faith on my part. After all the body is a temple. But another realization that made me understand the need to take my meds was a conversation with a church leader. During, that talk I realized our spirit may live in the temple of our body but our spirit can't thrive if our temple blocks are falling down around us. I keep my depression in check like some people monitor their blood pressure.

I have also worked with good counselors to deal with the grieving proceess that chronic illness brings with it. My mom died in 1994 and as part of the healthy grieiving process I went through anger, denial, bargaining and acceptance. As I learned this process it seemed to make sense to dealing with all the losses in my life.

Like I said from someone who has been there.

Mary in NM