Migraine

So last night DBF decided we were going to hang out with a couple we are really good friends with to watch the game. I consider this couple our 'couple' BFF. DBF and I both have our own BFFs but they are our BFF couple that we do everything with. Basically he'll be DBF's best man whenever we decide to get married, and I'll be her maid of honor whenever they decide to get married. That's how good of friends we're supposed to be.

Anyway, the guys decided they were going to go to the bar for awhile and then meet up with us after. Our friend had her son with her so she had to stay home and I was just expected to hang out with her while the guys went out. I wasn't exactly given a choice, and considering how I've been feeling lately that set me off. So when DBF told me they'd be at the bar for most of the game that made up my mind that I was just going to stay home. I love our friend but I could not sit there and listen to her complain about her BF the entire night while the guys were out. That always does wonders for my headache. I was really upset that DBF just kind of dumped me off on our friend and being so miserable I'm emotional and just ended up crying and crying. I cried myself to sleep. I never texted our friend to tell her I wasn't going to come over. Yeah, I know, my mistake. So I knew she'd be mad. I tried to smooth things over when I did wake up. Not sure how well that worked, but whatever, she can get over it. I love her to death but she's one of those people where the world has to revolve around her. I wish she'd grow up and realize not everything's about her.

When DBF finally came home, he told me that his friend was talking trash about me. About how it seems like every time we're supposed to hang out I have a migraine. Like I make it up. Boy do I have some choice words for him. Luckily DBF stood up for me big time. I love him so much for coming to my defense. They have no idea how many times I go out with them when I don't feel well. And knowing that we always stay out late and how I know I'll pay for it the next day because they are our friends and I don't want to let them down. I can't believe they would even think that I fake this. Why on earth would anyone want to fake this? I see them more than anyone else.

It really hurt my feelings that they would think that way. I don't know how I'm going to handle seeing them the next time, but I'll have to do my best to keep my mouth shut because whatever I say will just get twisted to make me look like the bad guy...

Meli-

I'm so sorry your friends are being so insensative. People who don't have migraines just don't understand how unpredictable and life altering they can be. I'm fortunate because I don't have them often and I can usually still function with them. I know many, many others that aren't so lucky.

I'm glad your DBF stuck up for you big time. You're lucky to have him. Hang in there and hopefully one day, your friends will get a clue.
Lynn

Meli,

I'm sorry you had to deal with this last night, especially when you were already in pain. Many people don't "get it" when you have an invisible illness like migraine. It's wonderful that DBF stood up for you. You know that he will defend you.

It's when the bad things happen that we learn who our true friends are. You said yourself that the woman in this couple tends to be self-centered. It doesn't sound like the guy is far from that either. Maybe DBF talking to him about it will help, but maybe it won't. It's really up to them at this point. You can't "make" them understand how you feel, unfortunately.

You know that you have to take care of you and not worry about what other folks think. Period. The ones who love you will be there for you. And your forum family will be here to listen when you need us.

I don't blame you for not wanting to listen to her complain about her BF when you wern't feeling great. And that wasn't really fair of DBF to "kinda dump you off on your friend" and what you said about your friend getting over it to me is right. If she is truely your friend then she will get over it and understand that you were not ignoring her but that you were sick. I'm glad that DBF stood up to his friend for you.

One thing i would like to suggest is maybe it's time to sit them all down and have a talk about migraines and how you feel when you have one and how hurt you are when they think you are faking(which we know you aren't). Tell them the truth that there are times you have one but still go out with them but have a hard time enjoying the night because you know there will be pain tomorrow. You need to explain that you have to take care of yourself first and formost and that you really need their friendship, understanding and support and help to get through this.

Also read my signature as i feel it is really true. and know this... You have Friends who will support you and understand you and help you through, you have them in your parents, siblings, cousins, grandparents, and you also have them in here. We are here for you anytime you need us just call and someone will listen.

I know they try to understand. Her and I have talked since that night and she tried to tell me that DBF took her BF's statement the wrong way. I'm not sure how much of that I believe, but whatever. Even if she does understand, there's always going to be times when the world just has to revolve around her. It's just something I have top deal with by being friends with her.

I like your quote... I definitely have a few friends like that


Meli