Migraine

Hi,

I don't know which end is up today! initially, I thought my steroid taper was helping, but things went back downhill a few days ago. I've bbeen having a lot of pain but less vomiting the past two days. Numbness/tingling in my arm and hand are gettting in the way.

This was a hard week for me. The kids had lots of activities (soccer practice/games, cub scouts, spring festival for preschool, art show preparations for elementary school). I've been trying to just keep going. I cancel my ownn plans without hesitation, but I always try to keep to my schedule where the kids are concerned. I really struggle with the feeling that i'm not doing enough or doing the right things for them when I'm so sick for so long. So this week, I made sure I made it to all of the events and helped out with them, too.

DH has been trying to be supportive. But yesterday he called from the pharmacy and asked if I realized that my Maxalt refill cost $110. Tears rolled down my face. What am I supposed to do? i have to keep trying, even if it is expensive. He told me he didn't mean anything nasty by his call, he just wanted to know if I'd had the med before and if it was worth spending the $$. (How do you answer a question like that when it seems like nothing is really helping very much.)

DH has been coming home late from work--it's a busy time for them. But it's really hard for me to take care of the kids til 7:30 or 8:00 when I'm barely able to care for myself! Tonight he's not coming home till 11:00PM (he has hockey tickets). I don't want him to give up his life for me--he should be able to go out with friends and have fun! I'm just really tired...

My family has been a little difficult this week, too. They called for Dh to help with my nephew's homework 3x this week--it's just very basic, intro algebra stuff. If anyone else cared enough, they could help him. But for some reason they have decided my DH needs to be the one to help. It's hard because he's getting home at 7:30 or 8:00, eating dinner, and helping me get the kids ready for bed. He's hardly seen them at all for days! When family calls for help, his time with us is even more limited...

As I was leaving my son's preschool today, one of the teachers (who has known me FOREVER) asked how I've been feeling. I burst into tears. I mean I completely, totally fell apart. How totally humiliating. She probably thinks i'm nuts.

Sorry so off today. I just wanted you all to know I'm still here, going on with the family routine...

jenny

Jenny dear, you are going through a rough time! I'm so sorry to hear about it! Please take these hugs and please use them to remember to be gentle with yourself!

First of all, I think you do more with your kids than I ever did with mine even though my migraines were rare when they were little. You do more than many Moms. You are measuring yourself by an impossibly high standard.

Secondly, you need your DH more than your nephew does. Someone needs to put their foot down. If DH is not the only one in the family who can do algebra, he needs to be relieved from algebra duty so he can come home and help you! First things first!

quote:

one of the teachers (who has known me FOREVER) asked how I've been feeling. I burst into tears. I mean I completely, totally fell apart. How totally humiliating. She probably thinks I'm nuts.

And finally, if the teacher has known you forever I'm sure she doesn't think you're nuts. I'm sure she thinks you're under an enormous amount of strain. I would bet big big money that nobody expects you to be as perfect as you expect you to be.

Jenny if you can stand a little bossiness from someone who is not inside the misery that is your head right now, I'm telling you:

Give Jenny a hug and a kiss and tell her she is a wonderful Mom, and fabulous wife, and a fantastic woman who deserves all the love and compassion in the world. And do something really nice for yourself. Then have DH do something really nice for you. Okay? Promise?

- Love, Megs

Meg said it best, especially that "bossy" part.

Me, I'm adding these...

Jenny--

I'm only barely computer-savvy so cute icons are way-y-y beyond me, but how you manage to keep up with the kids is, in my book, super-human. My kids got to pick 1 activity, period, and I still had trouble. Luckily, they both turned into computer nerds and my life was saved.

Elementary Algebra can be helped with by even computer nerds, so DH can be home with his own children and wife who need him desperately. My DH was a fighter pilot and was often not there thru no real fault of his own. He really regrets not being there for us now. I can remember just wishing he could not be in, you pick one, Germany, England, Turkey, Las Vegas, just for a few hours so I could lie down for a while with my dreadful nondiagnosed migraines that nobody would give me drugs to treat other than ibuprofen and aspirin.

Know, we're there for you! Try to find some time for yourself--insist on it! It just drives you totally crazy otherwise.

Tracie

Oh jenny,

Oh Jenny you are the most wonderful mother there is, please don't ever doubt that about yourself, not ever.

You have had such a hard time lately. You do need your DH at home with you when he can be. Your family will have to find a tutor elsewhere. My kids use their friends alot for help with their classes.

I'm sure you're son's teacher knows stress when she see's it. She's probably been there herself. Don't give it a second thought. Thank her for her kindness next time you see her. I'm sure at some time someone helped her and she is repaying the favor to you. How many times have you helped someone here or in person when they have been under stress?

Take care of yourself. You have always said what wonderful caring children you have. Let them play quietly, make Mommy some beutiful pictues and give you some very real and special hugs.

Take care Jenny. Let us know how you are when you can.

Cindy

Jenny honey, don't you ever doubt that you are a wonderful, beautiful wife, mother and woman! Even in the midst of a bad migraine cycle I can hear your love for your family through your pain and sickness. And if we can see that, they know it too.

The others are right that you need your family right now, and you need to make sure you're taking care of yourself as much as you're taking care of them.

As women I think we're all too quick to just ignore our own discomfort to take care of others. (Survival instinct, right? How else would our species have survived?) But right now you need to make sure you stand up for YOU and say what YOU need right now. I know your DH is a wonderful, supportive and loving DH so he will do what he can to help you.

And don't you worry for one second what your son's teacher thought. We all have moments like that.

Just remember that we're all always here for you, rooting for you and keeping your spot warm even if you can't post. We love you and always will.

I'm sending good thoughts your way tonight, Jenny. Let us know how you are, ok?

How are you?

Jenny,

I'm just going to guess--is DH in the midst of tax-time crunch? What a DREADFULLY insensitive remark on his part. He should be flogged with bras.

You are entitled to fall apart when asked how you're doing. I'm sorry it was your son's teacher who asked. Almost makes you wonder for a fraction of a second if he said something, doesn't it? The embarrassment won't really help things, but you are entitled to let her see how you feel. Maybe she can help him see things in a way that no one else has thought of yet.

If you think you aren't doing a MARVELOUS job (and be under no illusion, I believe you're wonderful) just read these responses again and again whenever you think you're not.

We're behind you and beside you.

Jenny,

My heart goes out to you, sweetie!

What a wonderful, kind, strong mom, wife and woman you are! We all deserve to be a bit down at times, I hope you’re feeling better today and enjoying your weekend.

Take care and all my best to you

Jenny,

I'm really in just about the same boat (just began a thread begging for a pep talk, actually), but the kid thing really resonated with me. I always prioritize my kids' activities too. I have been either frantically calling friends all week to get rides for them, or taking them places when I really wasn't up to it.

I also feel like I don't want to overly burden my husband - this whole thing is a curse for him too - but there is always a part of me that thinks, "Can't somebody else do this?"

My 10 year old's art teacher said the nicest thing to me two days ago when I emailed her about my son't project not being done on time (becasue of the chaos). I told her what was going on, and she first said not to worry about the assignment, then she told me that her mom had been chronically ill with migraine and something else when she was a child, and she spent a lot of time taking care of extra chores and even taking care of her mom sometimes.

She is a really caring and enthusiastic and well-adjusted young woman, and she told me that even though at times it was challenging when she was young, she never really saw anything weird about it. That's just how life was. She said she thought she developed some character traits that she never would have had if she hadn't seen her mother cope bravely with adversity, and learned that she herself could help and pitch in.

It helped me (on Thursday) feel less guilty about my parenting and feel more hopeful. I'm passing on her story to you.

You are doing your best. We all are. I guess all we can do is handle it as gracefully as we can. Which sometimes means breaking into tears because our grief is too large to bear, and a kind question opens the door on it.

Don't worry about what other people think. If it makes you feel any better, I began this week by passing out in a local bagel establishment, and my friend had to drive me home in my van and then run like crazy for a bus back to her workplace (we were trying to have lunch). I had to lie on the floor of a restaurant for awhile, with everyone looking at me. It became funny the next day ...

Hang in there. You're not the only one in the boat. I get it. Your kids will be more than fine.

Hang tough. (which means, cry freely and get it out of your system - it's not weakness, it's being human). You can do it.

Lynne

hi guys,

Thank you all so much for the replies! You all really keep me going--don't know what I would do without each and every one of you!

I'm still really struggling. I called the doc again friday afternoon, and he called in some decadron to see if that will break the cycle. I'm also to use Maxalt for 3 consecutive days...

My doctor would really like to admit me for inpatient IV's. I know I need to seriously consider this at this point--I'm not sure much can be done to break this awful cycle without around the clock IV therapy.

I'm afraid, though. My last inpatient visit was 100% unsuccessful--I continued to have the severe pain and nausea despite all of the IV meds. I left the hospital feeling MUCH worse than when I went in!!! I was seeing a different specialist then, though, and my new doctor tells me that his care will be COMPLETELY different from my last hospitalization...

Also, I fly to my specialist's office. I will need to stay for as long as necessary in a city far away from home. I'm very apprehensive about being in the hospital alone and so far from home! I also wonder how I will possibly arrange for proper care for my sons...they're young and they need a great deal of help every day.

I've been doing everything possible to avoid a hospital stay! But I think I may have no other alternative right now.

I'm wondering if anyone has ever used home health care at a time like this? It'd sure be more comforting for me to be at home while receiving IV treatments...Maybe that's just not possible, though.

I will write back to each of you individually as soon as possible! I think I'm going to put the kids in their pj's and head for bed myself right now...I am so thankful that you all are here for me!

I'll pop in again soon...Right now,

jenny

Jenny -

If you end up in Philly getting IV's inpatient I will come visit if you'll have me! I'm 45 minutes away from the Jeff. If you go to my blog About page you can contact me through there. I mean it. You tell me and I will be there. Really.

- Megs

Hi jenny,

My best friend has MS and get IV infusions at home. I think one problem may be with some of the drugs they use BP needs to be monitored.

If the last hospital stay was unsucessful with the drug they used, can't they try others?

Hang in there, sweetie.

Jenny,
You will need to find out more about what type of treatment your doctor has in mind for you before home health can be discussed. If the IV treatment is continous, I don't know that HH would be an option. Your doctor can help guide you with that decision. You ultimately need to do what will give you the best chance for a positive outcome. Also, I will be blunt, you may first feel worse than better and I think you would rather do that in the hospital than at home.

Jenny I think you would be very surprised at the out pouring of help you would have with your sons if you need to go to the hospital. You are loving, warm, giving woman and I'm sure it shows in everything you do. You have friends and family who will help. Take care of yourself dear girl, please.


Cindy