Migraine

need some advice-

so i'm living in a triple w/ 2 other friends. 2 of us are of age to drink now. one is turing 21 in septemeber, she has epilepsy. she came over for my 21st. she decided to drink, which was against my wishes. what she didn't tell us was she was on keppra which is contridicated with alcohol. she didn't have a full blown seizure that night but started to show seizure like symptoms and came close to a grand mal seizure. she is still on keppra and it doesn't look like shes getting off along with other seizure medications.

my roommate who is of age, we'll say roommate A and i plan on keeping alcohol in the room because we want to drink say on a friday night while were watching the ball game. i have talked to my doc and she has said its fine.

my friend has indicated that she is going to drink in the room even though she knows its not ok. she has said she is going to steal our alcohol, not take her meds and drink.

what should i do? she said this is all seriousness. i think roommate A and i should be allowed to keep alcohol in the room because we've played by the rules for 3 yrs. but i know that my friend would steal it and not take her meds, even though this is pure stupidity because she would have a grand mal seizure and would probably end up in the hospital and she knows this.

i know its soo early to be thinking about this but i guess between the three of us, my friend and i are closer friends, but i end up being the mediator between the three of us. sorry for the long post. thanks for your advice.

best.

Kate:

Oh, what an awful situation. I have a bunch of thoughts on this- so stick with me- some ideas might stink, and others may be more helpful.
I don't know what I'd do in this situation- it's pretty scary and emotional.


- 1. talk to the roommate and say that you're not going to be responsible for, care for, or be in any way there for her if she does have a seizure- she's completely on her own if she chooses to be that stupid.

-2. Play "mommy" and hide the alcohol from her- perhaps in the form of a safe- where only you and roommate A can get at it.

3- Have a meeting- the 3 of you- with the RA so she can know what's going on. Actually, This may be something to do regardless of anything else you do. If Keppra-girl won't go to the meeting, then you and your other roommate should just have the meeting anyway. Someone with responsibility needs to know what's going on here.

I Assume that this is occurring on college property. because of that, there may be resources available to you on campus to intervene here. It's really scary what can happen, and just remember- YOU are NOT responsible for her behavior. If something goes wrong, and she chooses to drink, it's not YOUR fault. She's an adult. We all make bad choices.

However, just like we take responsibility for our own meds, and our own triggers, your roommate needs to do that for herself. But I don't know how to make her realize this- sometimes the only way that people learn is landing in a situation that is really dangerous and may not have a happy ending.

I don't really know what to say. What an awful predicament to be in. I hope others come along and add ideas, or tell me that I'm all wrong, and there's a much better way of handling this situation.

I can give hugs, though!

Kate -

There are several different issues here. If I was living with someone who told me they were planning to steal my property, whether that was something that would make them sick or not, I would want to change room-mates right away! If that's an option, I'd do it. It's not acceptable to live with someone who is planning to steal from you, even if it is "just" your drinks!

As to her self-destructiveness, and that's what it is, I think Jamie is on the right track. I think the RA or someone else in authority should know about it. Ultimately if she wants to give herself seizures she is going to do it, but you should not be forced into the position of having to feel responsible for her!

If I sound like I'm being tough - well, long history of dealing with addictions... you won't do her any favors by helping her make herself sicker.

Sorry to hear you're in such a terrible position!

- Megan

Kate,
Jamie and Megan are right on this. You and Roommate A cannot assume any liability for the other roommate's self-destructive behavior. Y'all aren't married to each other.

Since she's drinking underage, she needs to be reported. Try an intervention with the RA. Call her folks. Call the police (domestic disturbance.) Call United Way. Call the local Mental Health Association. Call Legal Aid & find out where you and Roommate A really do stand, legally, in all this.

I'd be scared to death in your shoes. So, lean on me. Now, I'm a Mama, with 2 grown & 1 almost-grown daughters. I've had the same "roommate" for almost 31 years, & he's not going anywhere anytime soon.

I'm not at all afraid now to sit your one roommate, or anyone like her, down & have what we call a "come to Jesus" with her. No raised voices, no violence, just a heart-to-heart talk.

In the meantime, please share with Roommate A that I'm here to listen to her & you as often as needed. Ask Teri for my e-mail addy if you feel the need.

Rebecca, The Island Mama

I've been thinking on this, and I don't think it's too soon for you to be trying to hash this all out. It's wise to do some thinking ahead.

One thing I do know is that you're all over the age of 18, which means that you're all adults and you're all responsible for your own actions. You shouldn't have to "babysit" each other, and you shouldn't be forced to mediate.

I don't blame you for being uncomfortable with your friend's poor choices in regard to the drinking. Her actions are extremely irresponsible, not to mention illegal, since she isn't of age right now. I know as a matter of conviction you don't condone her actions, but if you have alcohol available, and she drinks in your presence, then you could have some level of liability should something happen, because you knew she was drinking, and you knew she was underage. You could be held accountable in some cases for having alcohol available to an underage drinker, even if she is an adult.

Definitely look into college resources for helping you handle this, such as RAs or directors of housing. She definitely needs to be reported.

I know you're trying to be responsible about this whole thing, and that's commendable. Personally, I think as long as your friend is not of drinking age, the most responsible thing that you can do would be to simply not keep a store of alcohol around, period. It's not that far until September, when everyone will be of legal age and entirely responsible for their own actions. Keeping alcohol around right now is just asking for trouble in some form or another, even though you're legal and have every right to do so.

I also agree with Megs, in that I'd seriously be reconsidering living with someone that's actively planning to steal from me, and has even had the nerve to say so!

i have been reading gall of your posts. thank you for everything. i agree with everything said. i have been talking with my friend. she has tried to i guess ok her wanting to drink stating it was just the tequila she managed to have when she was over my room that sent her over the edge... not that keppra is contraindicated with alcohol and alcohol is frequently a trigger for seizures in people with epilepsy.

i will be talking with roommate A soon about my concerns with having alcohol in the room fairly soon. we will probably decide what we want to do whether its to not keep alcohol or hide the alcohol in our desk drawers so she really has to go in our drawers no just my personal little fridge (where i would keep some of my meds and would've possibly kept the alcohol.)

I also agree that it might be necessary to get the RA involved. I hope it does not come to that because I would like to keep this as low key as possible, although her potential behavior transmits otherwise.

Thanks again for all the advice and if you have anymore thoughts i'd love to hear them.