Migraine

quote:

Originally posted by Kelly, FlywithHope:
Oh dear sweet Laura, I'm so sorry that you had such a difficult night last night. It sounded so awful. and some . Oh I have definitely had nights like that. I feel as though I could've written your post. I have definitely felt like I like I wanted it to be all over. Where my DH sat with me until my irrational self left and my rational self eventually came back and realized that I can do this. It does just get tiring some times.

I know you don't want to leave your kids or your DH. Nor do I wnat ot leave my DH. It is isn't about that for me. It is wanting the pain to cease. I just want it to stop and I'm pissed that it won't.

When I get to that point, I have a list of verses/statements that I read or have my DH read to me. And they help. I don't know if you are a christian. If you are..I'll send you them. But they reassure me in those deep dark times of pain. It gives me something to hold onto and to move through that yucky place. And my DH reminds me that we've gotten through it before, we will again.

But, sweet Laura, you are not alone. I have been there too.

Kelly

Laura
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quote:

Originally posted by DebHOST:
Laura, I'm so glad you felt safe enough to come here and let out your emotions.

I'm glad you're feeling better. Please take care of yourself.

Laura
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quote:

Originally posted by EileenHOST:
Laura -

My dear, dear Laura - Thank you for sharing. I am sure we've all been there and thought "I'm the only one who feels like this".

I've had one migraine like the one you describe. I was hysterical. I couldn't sleep, the pain was worse then any other one ever - 2 abortives, nothing. DH came home (he was just BF at the time) and was like "ER, NOW!" and I just couldn't do it. All I could think of was the bright lights and I just would rather die. This was the migraine that got me to try preventives - before this big one - I had no idea they existed.

So yeah, I think we all have these moments - like Nutcracker said, it's when the pain isn't there and you are still thinking like that - then that's a problem.

I hope you are having a much better day my dear!

Laura
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quote:

Originally posted by nutcracker1:
I can't imagine anyone's gone through migraine pain without the thought of "ending it all" occuring to them. It's when you start to dwell on the idea, and especially if it gets to the point of making a plan or thinking about how to carry it out, that there's a serious problem. Or if you're thinking about it even when you're not in the midst of the pain.

I have a friend who only had one migraine in her life. She says it's a good thing there were no guns in the house at the time, because if there had been, she wouldn't be alive.

That said, on the "receiving end" of the comments, we have to take all of them seriously. We're not in a position to know how serious or persistent the person's thoughts of suicide are until we ask. Thanks for assuring us you are OK, Laura.

Thanks for addressing this topic.

Laura
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quote:

Originally posted by LauraM:
Teri & moderators: I understand if this post needs to be removed due to its sensitive nature….

On Sunday I had only been asleep for about 2.5 hours and woke up to sheer pain. I knew it was going to be a bad one and was caught off guard because I felt fine only hours ago. I took a Maxalt, prayed for myself (and for my family and you guys) and tried to sleep it off. An hour later, I took another Maxalt. I eventually fell asleep but was up again a few hours later in worse pain. I took Vicodan but it did nothing to relieve the pain.

By the time the sun was up, my head was in the toilet (something I normally don’t have to worry about). By now I am in tears and rocking back and forth in the bathroom the pain had become so intense.

DH came in and asked what he could do. (***the migraine spoke here, not the “real” me, so alerts are not necessary***) I told him I was finished with this pain and knew I could end it all very quickly. He left the bathroom and hid my gun from me because I was just so emotionally broken down he didn’t know what else to do besides listen to my rant, close the door so the other kids wouldn’t get scared, and rub my back and stay by my side.

I felt like I had hit rock bottom and was just sobbing and pulling on my hair and curled up on the bathroom floor. He wanted to take me to the hospital and I adamantly refused. I couldn’t move off the floor let alone climb into the car. Eventually, the “peak” subsided and I was able to do some deep breathing, “ending it all” far from my mind. I took phenagren to sleep and stayed in bed all day, still in pain.

I am in pain today but it is nothing compared to yesterday. I haven’t had a migraine like that in so long and pray that it doesn’t happen again for another long time. I can normally hold it together mentally and not talk about ending it all but when the pain gets to that point I mentally break down. Like the migraine has won the battle, not me. However, I am still fighting the war and will continue to do so.

Please understand, my boys have already lost their birth father in a motorcycle accident. I would never, never take my own life. It is not for me to decide when I die and hell doesn’t appeal to me. I would never want my kids or my husband to find me having taken my own life. I say all this because I don’t want everyone worried about my mental capacity. I am my back to my “normal” (whatever that is) self.

I created this post because, as embarrassed that I am to admit I would utter those words, I am sure that there are others of you out there who have done the same and I wanted to let you know you are not alone.

On the selfish side of it all, it helps to write down the feelings. Kind of like a mental release. It is also a reality check for me, it helps me put things back into perspective.

This is a disease, and not terminal as long as I take care of myself and continue to see my neuro and work on my treatment plan.

I have great kids, a great DH and all their love.

Thanks for listening. I am off to my cozy bed!