Migraine

Ok, I definitely need to vent about this before I start crying or yelling or something else embarrassing at work.

Last week I printed out some information from this website, and Teri's letter for migraineurs. I pinned them up on the outside of my cube, as well as on the employee board in our office. I put my name and phone extension on them, offering to answer any questions.

Well, today, one of my coworkers on my team (let's call him Mr Insensitive), walks by my cube and sees the flyers. He says to himself, "what's all this ****?" and skims through it. Then he looks at me and says (in a rather rude tone of voice), "Oh, you have a headache? I guess you've already tried some Advil." I just stared at him. I couldn't believe he would actually say that, nor could I come up with anything to say to him that wouldn't be incredibly unprofessional.

It is SO HARD for me to be at all open about my disease. And then, inevitably, someone makes an insensitive comment and I just want to crawl in a hole. Maybe if I wasn't in pain EVERY DAY I would have a thicker skin about this.

It doesn't help that the beast is here full force today, and if I take anything for it I risk rebound. I am really trying not to cry right now. Whenever something like this happens I just feel so hopeless that anyone will ever learn that migraine is more than just a headache.

Mr. InSensitive is a jerk and a moron. He obviously has no empathy, or even sympathy. Try to ignore him. Much easier said than done, huh? He's not worth it.

It was brave of you to try to educate your co-workers about your disease. I admire your braveness.

I'm glad you came here to vent. We're always here.

Gretchen in Mississippi

MJ
That is so awful. We are here for venting when ever you need to.

Sending lots of hugs to you!

Luckily you will be on vacation soon right?

A lot of times I wish that our disease had a visible manifestation, or even that I could hold up an MRI film and say - just look at what is wrong with my brain. But we can't.

Some people are just so mean. All that you can really say in that situation is that their behavior/attitude is unwanted and you would apprechiate if they would stop. There are always a million things that you want to say that are incredibly unproffessional, but good for you that you didn't. Sometimes it's really hard not to say mean things back.

If this person continues to harass you, I think that you should talk to your HR department. Unlawful harassment is verbal or physical conduct that segregates or shows hostility or aversion toward an individual because of any characteristics protected by law (which includes diability).

You have a right to a non-hostile work environment.

We are here for you!
Laurelin

I ditto what Gretchen said!

As I commented in your Share Post about this, you were extreemly BRAVE and UNDERSTANDING - and I think that you were willing to give your extension out, showing you would take the time to educate - is wonderful.

Just think - someone out there in your office will get some good out of what you did.

And our little friend Karma.....well - that's all I can say about Mr. Insensitive.

What a jerk!

We are here for you MJ! You did something very brave and tried to help others that may be suffering. I am proud of you. Don't listen to that guy.....and if he gives you any more problems...make sure to seek him out if you feel an onset of nausea.... then maybe he will see it's "not just a headache" when he's cleaning his shoes.

MJ -

I ditto all that's been said - and in addition... It was a brave thing to do and may not feel like it's making a difference yet, but chances are good it will make a difference, over time. Most people are not Mr. Insensitive. Chances are there are right-thinking people who will read it and think, "Oh, now I understand what MJ is going through." And those people can become your advocates with the Mr. Insensitives. It's a culture shift, and when the culture of the office gains a new understanding, mostly the insensitive ones come along, eventually. So... thanks for being so brave and standing up for what's right! Sorry you're feeling so bad today - but I think you planted a great seed!

- megs

It's really Mr. Insensitive's problem, not yours, MJ. While many people in the office will have a chance to get to know and respect you better because of your action, Mr. Insensitive is cutting himself off from a number of really nice people he could get to know--including you! After all, you are probably not the only target of his insensitivity. So in the long run, you will be the winner in this situation, and Mr. Insensitive will be the loser.

Take care of yourself.

MJ, You handled it well. Much better than I would. I think I would be unprofessional with A JERK like that. People like that don't have A clue to other's pain. Or too much of A clue to anything else for that matter. I know the type. The guy should be careful shooting his mouth off though. A person never know's when they may be in A bad situation. It can happen in A blink. How soon arrogance can change to humility.

Yes, it's definitely his problem, and none of his business if he can't be supportive.

I'm mean, though, the next time you hear him whine about an ache or pain please do ask him, "I guess you already took some Advil?" Of course, that doesn't encourage office peace but I'd LOVE to say it.

You're nicer than I would have been. I would have called him an A** or something even more vulgar I'm afraid. Obviously you have more class than I do. Kudos to you!

MJ-Thank you for taking the time to educate your co-workers; something I never did. I commend you not only for taking the time to educate people but for not losing your cool, especially while in pain.
Mr. Insensitive should be renamed Mr. Uncaring. I really don’t think I would have had the patience to handle him as well as you did and I am proud of you for it.

I echo what everyone else has said. Especially Eileen; Karma is a beautiful and powerful thing. Maybe he will understand one day but even if he doesn’t, there will be others in your office who will understand and appreciate being educated.

All my best to you! Thanks again!!

Thanks so much, everyone. Reading your messages throughout the day and then when I got home really put a smile on my face - and I needed it. Today has been a bad day all around (for various reasons).

Mr Insensitive of course did not realize that what he said was out of line. I'm very impressed that I managed not to 1. curse at him, 2. cry or 3. both 1 & 2. I went home with DBF for lunch and vented to him a little bit too, which also helped.

I know you folks understand how difficult it is to be at all public about this awful disease. There are just so many misconceptions - sometimes it seems impossible that that will ever change.

I've known since I started working at this job that Mr Insensitive is really a jerk. Today just confirmed that. This is the same guy who commented to me last week that "life isn't worth living" without being able to eat any sugar. (Sugar is severely restricted in my current diet as it's a big migraine trigger.) I don't usually take things too personally, but my health is a sensitive subject.

At the very least, if I can take anything positive away from today, it's that I can somehow manage to keep my cool when someone says something incredibly jerky for me. And I am a firm believer in karma - it takes much better revenge than I ever could.

Thanks so much for listening to me vent and for all of your wonderful comments. I love you guys - and I don't know what I would do without you.

Hi MJ,

I'm sorry you were treated badly by that co-worker. Remember, the info you posted will likely help someone out there...we all know there are MANY of us (migraine sufferers, I mean) in this world!

There are many people in this world who have no idea about illness--what it is, what it feels like, or how to respond to a person who is ill. Sometimes I think these people end up looking extremely insensitive and uncaring when they are really just ignorant about the whole subject. In my experience, people who make light of my pain are ALWAYS those who've never experienced anything like it! It's hard to care about something when you simply do not understand it at all. (I'm not defending the creep, just hoping maybe you'll see him in a slightly different light! )

Congratulations for making the effort to teach others about migraine disease! And remember, it WILL be meaningful to many people at your office...

jenny

MJ,
You may never know who in your office you have helped, but I would bet my first born you have provided someone with knowledge they very much needed and did not know where to find it.

Mr Insensitive on the other hand, well I do believe what goes around comes around. I don't think I would have said any thing either, but I would have glared very loudly to him.

Cindy

I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that ####. If I was in your place I don't know if I would have blown up at him or cried... or maybe both...

It is SO frustrating that so many people just don't understand that migraine isn't "just a headache". No, we can't just "get over it", and no, we DID NOT do this to ourselves. I too wish other people understood what it was like, though I would never wish migraines on anyone.

MJ, just wanted to chime in with the sympathy. Guys like him are threatened by women, especially women who are ill in some way. It's just his baggage from childhood, unfortunately now in a grownup body.

I've dealt with people like him before and the little mantra I repeat to myself to avoid reacting is "I can stand to have him mad at me (or nasty to me, or critical of me)."

Also, the old trick of picturing him naked with diapers works wonders, too!