Erectile Dysfunction

I have been married for 7 years and we have not had intercourse in 4 years. Before having a hysterectomy 3 years ago, my husband said he didn't want to have sex for fear of pregnancy.

After me nagging him, he finally agreed to have sex (I feel horrible.) We have tried twice, both times he can't get hard enough to enter. Flashback to the times we used to try prior to 4 years ago. A few times it would work, but most times not.

I am frustrated beyond belief. He seems to think there is no problem. As newlyweds, our sex life was slim, so his doctor had a testosterone test done and he has an average count. He also has a child from a previous marriage, so he is fertile.

For years, he told me he just had a low sex drive and didn't masturbate, but recently confessed that he has done it almost daily for 20 years.

Can anyone offer me any advice? Thank you.

Sounds like your going to have to have a very honest talk.Tell him about your desires, and try and find out his, I guess the big question is why does'nt he want to be sexual with you.
Its possible that your husbands fear of pregnancy has put him of sex, even though its no longer possible for you to get pregnant, his fear may have shut down his desire.
since he does masturbate he may have come to think of sex as a solo act.
My heart goes out to you, I think finding out that he has masturbated the whole time would be very hurtful.

greyhound, you still around?

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this with your husband. (((greyhound))

Your situation is somewhat similar to mine--the partial erection syndrome. My bf and I talk about it though, and he seems to have had this issue in the past with other women(despite the 2 kids). Why he hasn't addressed it is not really clear to me.

My guess, and it is only that, is that your husband feels terrible about this and is not comfortable discussing the issue.The 'low-sex drive' excuse may have been to spare your feelings (in his mind anyway) and to avoid a conversation he doesn't want to have.

I wouldn't worry about the masturbation although it is sad that he felt he needed to hide it. My bf does this too( doesn't everyone??) and he's honest about it, as am I. To me it's a normal part of everyone's sex life anyway, although i can see why it is hurtful to you right now when things are difficult.

I think for my bf and maybe your husband part of that is just seeing if he can get everything to work at least in some situation, which makes sense to me. And then, when you think about it, if your sex life together has become filled with anxiety, the need for some type of sex in which he feels no pressure is natural, at least to me. I think that men are also very very reluctant to believe that they could have a physical problem and this outlet of masturbation lets them keep saying it's all in their heads and they can therefore overcome the problem themselves through sheer willpower.

Perhaps your husband has some long-held beliefs about sexual relationships that are unusual and making it difficult for him to be intimate with you? Did you have problems in this area prior to getting married?

I wish I had an answer for you about your situation. My bf is still reluctant to seek treatment and is incredibly frustrated with himself.