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I'm new to this board and am not sure where to post. My spouse and I have been married only 8 years and I am in mid-50's and he's in mid-60's. There are a lot of issues going on in our marriage, including ED and we're in counseling for them. However, he is STILL in avoidance mode and won't fix any of the problems.
He takes high blood pressure medicine, and medicine for cholestoral and has for years before we met. I wasn't aware at the time we married, but of course, found out. He's also a big drinker and shortly after marriage, I found that the drinkign sure wasn't helping with blood pressure medicine too.
About that same time, I started thru menopause and was very dry and since he's not big into foreplay and I wasn't lubricating, I put a good bit of distance in between our relations. I broached the subject several times before consulting my ob to get some relief. He didn't seem to want to work with me.
Of course, I knew that his ability was somewhat problematic, but we couldn't talk about it. Needless to say, after a few more years, the relationship was strained and I filed for divorce after learning that his way of handling the decline was to find another partner outside the marriage.
We reconciled once he relayed that he had visited Boston Medical and was having problems with ED. Of course, he didn't like the options suggested. I have asked and pleaded for him to consult a urologist. I even made an appt. and he refused.
The counselor (a woman) and I know that it is a BIG DEAL when a man can't perform and I empathasize. I just never imagined that he is so uninterested in finding some intimacy between us.
I suggested buying some toys that he could use with me...wasn't interested. I suggested some massages, just anything to let him know I still found him attractive, but that hasn't worked either.
I know, as you know, this didn't start yesterday and it's been coming on for years and he keeps asking me to be patient. It's been coming on for years.
And, since he is depressed about the situation, I feel he drinks more to mask his problem. I'm left with an occasional kiss, a pat on the shoulder and that's about it.
How does anyone live with someone who refuses to get help?
Erectile Dysfunction Community 
