Erectile Dysfunction

I recently started seeing a man in his his 30's who I believe is suffering from ED, though he hasn't mentioned it, and is extremely ashamed and embarrassed when things don't go right.

He suffers from lots of anxiety and does have depressive spells, in addition to not eating well or exercising enough. He also had an ex girlfriend insult his ED in the past. He never said ED, just his "performance." So I assume she was insulting the ED, though I'm not positive. He is actually a wonderful lover. He is only able to maintain a strong erection for about 5 minutes, and then it gets soft until we have to resort to oral. Occassionaly he can't get an erection at all.

How do I talk with him about this in a gentle and respectful way? I won't leave him over this, but I want him to be at least open to seeking treatment. He is very anxious about seeing doctors, so realistically I don't know if he will.

He says that he will get better (again, without using the term ED or erection problem) but says he will improve at sex, the longer we are together and the more comfortable he becomes with me. He has improved in that he was able to ejaculate during sex finally. Maybe the erection part will improve as well?

But I am so afraid that if his ED is mostly due to low self esteem/anxiety that if I bring up the subject, he will assume that this means I'm unhappy with him, it will make him feel worse, and in the end just make the problem worse. He is so ashamed about it, just from seeing his body language and mood when it happens, that it feels almost taboo, and I can't imagine him bringing up the subject.

I honestly have no idea how to talk to him about this.

Any suggestions? Thanks.

I'm not sure how much help I can be with this, but it is my belief that a relationship that requires tiptoeing around issues is not healthy -- so from the beginning, you should work on developing communication with him. I think by being supportive instead of confronting about it, you will gain his trust and if the relationship continues to evolve, the 2 of you can work as a team to address the problem.

At the same time, you will need to consider if you can handle being with someone that avoids problems rather than dealing with them. You deserve better than that.

Firstly make him understand that he is not the first one to have this disorder. Erectile Dysfunction (inability to sustain erection) is a very common disorder which most men face in there life at some stage for one reason or the other like high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, fatigue, stress, physical injuries, smoking and alcohol consumption. The exact reason can only be judged by a specialist and only then one should use the medicines prescribed. You can have the information on ED and ED related drugs on http://www.levitrabliss.com .
Levitra is a FDA approved drug and is used to cure erectile dysfunction in male. This medicine helps in treating impotency and ED disorders in men suffering from risky medical conditions like high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes. This is the reason why this medicine is being preferred over other impotency medicines. But the results and side effects may vary from person to person so it’s advisable to use this medicine in accordance with the instructions of the physician.
So just suggest him to see an urologist, and help him in getting over this crisis.

Hi Dana,

I really do understand how you feel. I feel the same way too. I could never leave him either. He is my soulmate and the love of my life and I would do anything for him. When we are together he makes me so happy.

I just wish he would talk to me properly about it. I am the one who does the talking and he listens to what I have to say. All I want is for him to go and seek help. I get frustrated because he is too embarrassed to seek help and won't face up to the problem.

It sounds like what your man really suffers from is somatization, since he also suffers from anxiety and depression.

My man has many issues including IBS, depression, headaches, and of course, ED. I have been studying a lot about this, and several medical sources have revealed that people who somatize (turn emotional issues with physical symptoms) can normally be cured with brief pscyhotherapy. In fact, most are cured within 15 sessions.

I am trying to convince my husband to see a psychiatrist to resolve these issues. If you ever convince you man to do so, please advise me how to do it

There is no way on earth Grant will ever see his doctor about this. I know that for a fact. I would be shocked if he did.

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