Erectile Dysfunction

Have you talked to your partner about ED? Did they approach you about it or did you bring it up?

I can't remember which of us brought it up the first time, but we do talk about it. Actually, it was probably me now that I think about it, asking if there was anything he wanted me to be doing instead of what I had been doing at the moment.

We aren't really getting anywhere because he just WON'T go to the doctor though. At least our talking about it helps insofar as I usually believe it's not about me and he knows I wouldn't leave him over this.

He had his doc call in a prescription, which I think he used twice. He didn't like it and that's fine--no one should be doing anything that makes them seriously uncomfortable in my opinion, and if it made him uncomfortable, then fine, don't use it. But I haven't seen any sort of plan to attack the issue differently, and that bugs me. Especially since this problem could be a sign of a larger health issue that is not being addressed.

I know he feels terrible, so I try not to bring it up now unless he does ( and he does, so that has worked ok). But the other night he admitted that he dropped me off really hurriedly after a date this weekend because he just couldn't stand the thought of 'it' happening again. This worries me. I've been in a relationship like that before where we eventually just avoided any situation that could possibly lead to intimate contact, and I do not plan on getting into that groove again.

Why is avoiding your partner a better solution than addressing the problem? A problem that will stay with you even if you succeed in pushing me out the door? Ugh!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: KA,

My fiancee and I have been talkimg about his problem for a year now. He has been taking Viagra before we started dating so it was an ongoing problem. He is only 29. I have been trying to be understanding since we started having sex, more than a year ago. He saw a doctor who switched him to Cialis. Sometimes works sometimes it doesn't. I also hate to have to tell everytime i want to have sex that he needs to take a pill. (if he doesn't he can't peform!) It makes me uncomfortable to have to ask him to do that everytime I feel horny. What upsets me in this is that when we use foreplay he is fine but as soon as he penetrates me he loses it.
Also it seems like he doesn't have a problem when he masturbates or watches porn on his own. He even look at other ladies bodies discreetely on the streets. He has stopped watching porn because that habit started to hurt my feelings. But even after that we had ongoing problems. If or less.
People say I am a very attractive lady and I can't seem to deal with this problem anymore. It is getting so terrible that I am starting to feel guilty for being horny around him. I am starting to wonder what real sex is like. He knoew all of it, we talked but the problem is not getting any better. I don't know what to do, I have been trying to support him for 12 months now and I think I am "running out of gas". I am starting to believe that his problem will break us up. He may feel embarrased and bad over this but I feel so bad now and hurt I don't know what to do.

hurtgirl & KA
I think one of the hardest things I found with ed, is I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone, its the sort of thing that is too personal to share with family and friends, and to make it harder my partner avioded talking about it for a long time.
I made the decision that even if we never had sex again, I would still feel like the luckiest woman in the world because I love him with all my heart, and I know that he feels the same way about me.
There are a lot of relatioships out there with lots of sex but theres no real love in it.
We have been talking about it and trying to deal with it recently, he has been to thr dr, and there is a medical side to the problem.
Talking about it openly was the best thing for us, it reassured me that it wasn't me, and reminded him that I will love him no matter what.We tried a sesson at counselling, but didn't like it much, may have been just the wrong person. Its so important not to blame each other when you talk, and only talk about it if you both feel in a open and good mood. I think that once the medical side is dealt with the sex may well come back, hence I see going to the dr as a very important step.
I printed off information from the net, which seemed to help him,made him see its a common problem, and there are things you can do about it. My partner was showing signs of dieabetes which I expressed concern for, and seemed to help get him to the dr.
I think even if your partners are not yet ready to deal with it try to inform your self.
It took us about two years to really start to deal with it. I think it feels demeaning, to men which makes them try to aviod it.
Don't ever doubt yourself for it, its natural to want your partner to be attracted to you, and for you to desire him.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: hope it helps,

He brought it up, after he saw a doctor about it. He came home with a paper and a prescription. The paper said ED (I had no idea what that meant) and the prescription was for Viagra. I had no idea there was a problem until that moment. I certainly know all about it now. Since that first time we talked, he refuses to discuss it at all. He has a presciption for Viagra, but for some reason he doesn't take it. I get the impression that he feels like he should be able to do it by himself. For a while it would only happen on occaision and he would never know when, until we would get all hot and bothered. The last couple of weeks he can't seem to maintain an erection at all. He has Type 1 diabetes which frustrates him to no end in and of itself. I guess he feels like this is just insult added to injury. I don't know what to do anymore. When things go wrong in bed, he just sort of shuts me out. I know he's embarrassed and frustrated and I try to be comforting and assure him that I love him no matter what. I get the feeling that I'm not getting through. I am scared to death that this will affect our marriage. I love him more than life itself and we have been married for 11 years. We have been through a lot together in those few years in respect to his health, as he was diagnosed with diabetes a couple of months after our wedding. Plus a year or so later he was diagnosed with cancer. We beat that together, but for some reason he feels he has to deal with this alone. Unfortunately he's forgetting that it affects me as much as him.

When we first discovered the issue, my husband was completely up for talking about it. We even watched some "self help" adult videos to get ideas about overcoming the problem. Lately, though, he just insists that a pill will solve the problem. He currently does not have health insurance, so we can't really afford the doctor's visit required to get the prescription. I have tried to tell him that I don't think simply taking a pill will solve the problem, but he's being really stubborn about this, and it's very frustrating. Have any of you experienced that, and what did you do?