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hey everyone, the name's molli. I'm 19 years old. i have been with my fiance for 2 years. This all started about 3 years ago... i started getting really depressed after high school. all my friends went away to college and i stayed home to go to a community college. school wasnt really my thing so i dropped out because i would get so anxious i couldnt breath. i had a job at a daycare and was really happy with it until about june of 08. i didnt really feel like doing anything. i would get so stressed and didnt want to be with the kids anymore so i quit. ive been looking for a new and less stressful job but i havent had any luck. i have been in therapy since july of 07. i am on cymbalta for depression welbutin xl an anti-depressent and another anxiety medicene.
last december i found out that my finaces sister was pregnant. ever since i have wanted a baby and to be pregant with a big belly and feeling the baby inside of me. i have been obsessed with her... i look at her myspace page all of the time. she had depression too. she said she just stopped taking all of her meds and met her husband and now she is so happy with life. her baby is now 5 months old and she says she is the happiest she has ever been. i go to her page and look at her belly pics all the time. i just want to be pregnant. the problem is my fiance is a senior in high school nd he doesnt want a baby. we have sex and everything but he says he's not ready.
i just really want a baby. it hurts so bad. every single time i see him i just want to cry because he doesnt want what i want. i keep trying to break up with him because i just want one so bad and maybe if i leave he will see that he loves me so much that he will give me a baby... it doesnt work. i just end up feeling bad about it, call him back, and apologize and we get back together. i feel so bad all the time.
i talked to his sister and she said that i should go to college and get an education first and that babies are so expensive and you have to get up really early and have no time to sleep but i dont care. i still want one. i believe i would be happy... so happy. what do you think?
