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I want to just quit living I have prayed for a terminal illness that will lead to my death so I don't leave my children by suicide. I have been fighting depression for about 30 years but was only able to realize I needed help 15 years ago. I have seen many drs, pychiatrists, counsellors, pychologists and been on pretty much every med out there. and everytime I start getting somewhere in counselling i either have to move or funding is no longer available or I have used up my visits and have to go back on a waiting list and lastly my most recent counsellor quit and of course I have many additional stresses like my daughter moving out to live with her friend at 14yrs (old now 16 and living with my brother and his wife). i have to move because low income housing says I'm overhoused and approved a transfer but nothing has come available and its been 4 months and my current landord say I only have 2 more months to live here. My 14yr old son has alot on his plate with me being lifeless and practically bedridden only leaving the house to shop for food. I have no enjoyment in anything I once loved including the outdoors and I am now an agoraphobic with severe anxiety issues.
On my last psych appointment dr increased one of my meds and for a couple days all seemed to be improving but now I don't even know where the last 2 month have gone. I have started getting headaches more frequently and dizzy spells and seem more depressed than ever. i want to get help most likely psych will ask me to goto the clinic again but things need to be in place first. My son is going to my dads to work for the summer and I hope he will take our dog with him and then would be the best time to goto the clinic BUT how much longer can I hold out I seem to be losing my grip on sanity I lay in bed staring at the walls or I just stare at the tv or web pages over and over again and again.
It is worth fighting. I absolutely feel your frustration and exhaustion. You should pat yourself on the back for continuing treatment. It is wonderful to hear that suicide is not an option for you. Yes, it isn't the best thing to wish for a terminal illness, but if it is your kids that keep you from suicide...it is something. My daughter keeps me from suicide when I get so low. I will not leave her with that baggage. Keep at it. Do you think that there is anything you can do at home to help bring back some passion? I don't have the money or emotional stamina to travel, so I watch the Travel Channel and get big picture books from the library as an escape. Is there anything like that you can do to help get out of your head?
Posts: 5 | Location: SLC, UT | Registered: 07-24-2008
I have to agree that you are in a precarious situation and I have been in such a situation before in my life. Please realize that you have to make sincere attempt to get out your predicament. Being lonely and hopeless is never going to help you. You can try to indulge with your friends or someone close to you. This will allow you to relax and will also help you to overcome this situation. And, it seems that you are not sticking to a particular treatment for a long enough period.
You have to follow a treatment with dedication and self-belief and have to keep at it for an adequate period of time. You can definitely get out of this and so many others have done so as well. Show the determination and will and you will surely succeed. you can know more from http://www.pillwatch.com/category/anxiety-disorders-treatment.html. you can surely find some useful information there.
hello all, I truly wish you well and that you can find some help for your situation soon.
Do you have any siblings who can offer some support or help? Have you tried increasing your B vitamin intake, it is very good for the nervous system and may give you some energy as well.
