Make a connection, ask a question, share a concern, give advice or just chat. Our message boards connect you with a community of people who understand where you’re coming from and what you’re going through.
Hi I am new, I was wondering if there is anyone else out there that has gone thru spousel sexual abuse ? My husband has been molesting and raping me for 16 yrs.I stayed because our kids were little . They have now moved out on there own. I recently found out that my husband is a Sexual Addict and has been caught exposing himself in public. The whole ordeal has sent me intoa tail spin , trying to keep his secrete from everyone out of fear has nearly destroyed me . I start my frist coundsling session this week . Has anyone gone thru this? If so how do you cope? Thank You Gen
I am new here, and saw your post below mine. I have a similar problem with my husband, although he is NOT a molester or rapist. He is a sex addict though. As I sadly found out.
His problem is due to his bi-polar disorder. Does your husband have the same illness??
It is good you have gone to counselling. It has helped me thru my dark times at present.I know it is hard. I am having a tough time also. I just take it one day at a time.
Hoping your husband gets psychiatric help. He sounds like he needs it.
Hi Therese Thank You for the kind words and thoughts. He has never been diagnoised with BI - Polar . I am cymbalta for depression , I had been on Paxil for 8 yrs , it's when I went off the paxil that everything I had buried came to the surface and that was in July . Once again thank you for the reply. take care
Hi Gen, I just want to say that I really appreciate you putting this topic out there! I know how hard it is, and how embarassing it is to talk about. My husband has been raping me, for 4 months now. We haven't been married as long as you and I am in a lot ways terrified of it happening again. I am a Christian and right now I have SOOOO many questions that are without answers.Does God really require me to stay in a relationship like this? I hear from a lot people "You need to forgive him, and move forward! Stop dwelling on the action that has happened and just accept the fact that you are his wife, and you are to meet his needs!!" I can only imagine how much harder it is for you, because of the time that has passed with this! I hope that your counselling sessions will be helpful for you in your road to healing. There is a book I am reading that is pretty intense and of course her situation is different but it is helping to heal me. Its called "Shattered Vows" by Debra Laaser. All I can offer to you is encouragement and that I am ill for you, but it's also so good for me to know that someone else has and is going through this! You are worth so much, and one day at time we can overcome this disgusting and devasting situation and be strong in the end!
Gen and Lyn-- I am also suffering from spousal sexual abuse. I have been married for 1.5 years, and my husband was abusing me the whole time. He raped me once.
Lyn--I am also a Christian. You need to know that abuse is NOT accetable. You need to get away from your husband and away from danger as soon as possible. You also need to distance yourself from people who think that you must sit and suffer under your husbands treatment. You are in physical and emotional danger. Get away from it as soon as possible.
You know who you are in Christ. He loves you, and died for you and all your sins. God has graciously provided divorce for people like us who are being abused. It took me a long time to get from the place of "Christians do not divorce for any reason" to the truth that God has provided divorce for special circumstances, which includes sexual violation. You need to get spiritual counsel from a pastor or counselor who can explain to you the biblical justifications for divorce. If you are being raped like you say, or sexually abused in ANY way, you are FREE IN CHRIST to divorce your husband. You do not HAVE to divorce him, but you need to know that Christ has given you the freedom to do this. Please pray to God and ask for clarity and understanding on this. Pray that he would place people in your life that will help you. In the meantime, GET AWAY FROM YOUR HUSBAND SO THAT HE CAN NOT HURT YOU ANYMORE.
I also wanted to add, about what people say that you need to "forgive him."
There is a difference between forgiveness and reconcilliation. It is possible and important that you forgive your husband EVENTUALLY. But it may never be possible for you to be reconciled to him, because of the pain that he has caused you. This is a consequence of the sin that he has done to you, and it is not your fault.
Forgiveness is not possible until 1) you are completely out of the abusive relationship and he is no longer abusing you and 2) you have healed. HEALING TAKES TIME.
Only until you have forgiven him can you possibly consider reconciliation. Reconciliation is not always possible.
Also, about the statement that you are to meet his needs. People often confuse the command "Wives are to submit to their husbands as to the Lord" (Eph and Col) as saying that no matter what you have to do what you husband wants. This is grossly misunderstanding what submission is. FIRST AND FOREMOST you are to submit to God. And He does not want you to sin and he does not want you to cause other people to sin. By submitting to WHATEVER your husbands wants you are 1) making your husband your God and 2) allowing him to sin. Submission only works when BOTH people in the relationship are submitting themselves to God and to one another. You know that God also says, "Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church." Christ DIED for the church. That is complete and TOTAL submission. So God is also saying to husbands that they are to submit to their wives. MUTUAL submission under God's authority. I hope you can see, then, how in this situation you are NOT to submit to your husband. He is sinning grieviously against you and to God.
Hi Thank You both for the kind words . I realized that in order for me to heal and understand his addiction " Sex Addiction " I needed to pray and forgive him . Only then could I heal the pain inside . I have read numours books on his addiction just trying to understand it , then trying to except and love this person who I have children with and married to for over 20 yrs . I had to learn to love him all over again and that has been hard and a struggle at times . But thru the Grace of God go I .... God never gives us more then we can handel and if we truly believe in him he will guide us thru what ever life holds for us . I hope that you both were able to tell someone besides on here . That is the first step in healing and understanding . When I told my kids 24-28 , they finaly understood why I was depressed ect . It's been hard for them also but it DIDN'T destroy their relationship with their dad . It gave them a knew understanding of addictions and it gave them a better understanding of " Forgiveness " . Please let me know how you both are doing and if you would like to know the books that I have read ... gen
Hi My husband sexually abused me for 20 years. He raped me so many times. He also verbally abuse me for 20 years. I grew up with a mother who verbally and physically abused myself and my three siblings. My father-in-law verbally and sexually abused me. I have been in therapy for four years now. I was just diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. I am currently on Lexapro. I started having panic attacks about 4 months ago, because I had such hate towards my husband. I have delt with the past as far as my mother and father-in-law are concerned. They have both past away. Now I am dealing with my husbands mess. I have wanted to change for so long. My husband now goes to therapy and beginning next week we are starting to go to couples therapy. It has been a long painful road.I still can't believe what he did to me,for so long. He does not abuse me anymore. He just recently accepted that he did verbally and sexually abused me. It took so long. I wanted so much for him to change. I know I cannot change him. That is very hard for me to comprehend. He never wants to talk to me about his past or any of our problems,but we are working on it and hopefully couples therapy will work. My life had a pattern of abuse and now it has ended. I am so proud of that.I know my husband loves me and I forgive him. I have to love him all over again.
