Depression

I have felt bad for a really long time. My first memories of it started when I was in third grade. I've never had anything overly traumatic happen to me... I am 28 now. Things in my life are ideal, but I still feel bad. I have a wonderful husband and son who I adore. I have parents and family who are great. We are building a new house. I am a school teacher and like my work. I worry a lot. I analyze everything I say and do. I cry a lot behind closed doors. I often have thoughts that pop into my head about past memories where I've said or done something stupid. Or I have thoughts in my head of something that happened to me as a child that hurt me or embarassed me. Sometimes I think of current things that hurt my feelings and it makes me think of things that happened years ago. I feel alone and helpless. I hide the way I feel and have gotten good at it. I have a low self-esteem. I don't make friends easily eventhough I am nice. When I was living at home with my parents, I told my mom needed some help (counseling or medication or something). She didn't understand. She said she didn't want people to think I was crazy. I feel like its getting worse and that I cannot hide anymore. I feel like its time to face it. I am a good person. I would never do anything to hurt myself or anyone in this world. I don't do drugs or drink. I am just tired of feeling sad and anxious. I have told no one close to me how I am. I have never been to a doctor or told a doctor about this. I don't know where to go or who to call to get help. What do I need to do? I want to get some help so that I can be a better wife and mother and find some peace with my self.

Hello Jenny,
It sounds like you are going through alot right now and you need someone to talk to. You need to talk to your doctor about seeking psychotherapy. Considering you have been feeling this way for many, many years, you may benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy. This form of therapy will help change your thought process in times of emotion. Personally, I wish I had this therapy from Day One instead of messing with medications...Too me, medications should be used in acute situations or with serious mental health issues. If you can avoid the meds and try the therapy, you will be thanking yourself later in life! Good luck

Wow Jenny,
I feel like you're talking about me!
Usually I can't relate too well with most people's stories so it's good, as well as sad, to know there is someone like me out there.
If you would like to e-mail me my address is:
dionne_larrieux@hotmail.com
I don't know if I can be of any help to you but maybe just having someone to talk to with no judgement may make things a tiny bit easier.

I agree with suzie and have had a similar experience with cbt. Read the book by Sam Obitz and start doing the tea form exercise and you will begin to feel a lot better. It will teach you how to change the way you are processing things and eliminate those awful feelings and make you will also have more energy once you stop upsetting yourself