Depression

I was in a car wreck in which the other driver died. There was an investigation, by the police and insurance companies, and they determined the other driver was at fault. Everyone tells me that I wasn't at fault, but I feel so guilty and horrible. It is the first thing that I think about in the morning and the last thing at night. I keep having moments where I just have a feeling of terror at nothing in particular, like while watching television. I also flash on horrible ways that I can die, specifically in two ways, burning in a house fire, and in another horrible car wreck. Me lying charred in a hospital bed came, I think, from catching a glimpse of something while being drugged up in the hospital. I haven't really cried, but I feel such a distance between myself and others. All I want to do is lie in bed, watch tv, and sleep. I almost resent being forced to see visitors and being cheered up. Of course, noone knows it, because I am so cheerful and agreeable to everyone. These are people I love dearly and they are just wonderful to me. They couldn't possiblty know how I feel inside because I don't act even slightly depressed. Where do I even begin to move forward from this?

Hi manray
I am sorry that you were involved in what must have been a traumatic ordeal.
Have you found anyone to talk to yet? It sounds like you have loved ones close to you, maybe you can let one know that it would help you if you could talk to one of them? And see if they will be good listener ? Of course, not everyone is, but someone who will listen and simply let you talk about it may help the most.
If not, perhaps one of your medical team will know a good counsillor who can help?
Certainly it is not just the body that suffers in trauma.
Best wishes
mat

I have not had an experience like yours, although it is one of my biggest fears. There is nothing I can tell you that would make you feel better. And others telling you that you are not at fault and should not feel guilty will not make you feel better either. I would imagine it is something you will have to be patient with. Perhaps trying some anti-depressants and talking to someone. I wish I had some words of wisdom or better advice. I can't imagine the anguish you must be putting yourself through. If you ever want to talk, I'd be more than happy to listen. I will keep you in my prayers.