Depression

My name is Christopher. I'm one of the bloggers on this web site.

I'd like to respond to a lot of you who have expressed dismay at the treatments that aren't working; the husbands or wives or partners who don't 'get it'; and the feeling that this is never going to change.

As someone who has been depressed off and on for 50 years, and has had close family members who were deeply depressed; and as someone whose wife has had to live with my depression for 45 years -- I can shed a little light on this.

1. One of the symptoms of depression itself is hopelessness. So, when you feel it "won't go away" that's partly the whole nature of your illness: bad things stay, good things don't arrive.

2. Depression, whether deep or shallow, great or small, is a nasty disorder because it hovers always on the edge of your life. Then, it leaps. You get "sandbagged" by it, dragged into lethargy or pain or despair. The goal is not to expect or hope it will "go away," but to learn to live with it. I don't mean living with the deep, unaltered dismay, but live with the fact that it's always going to be there in one way or another. And what you can hope for is that it'll be on the fringe most of the time, not in the center of your life.

3. Treatment can work. It's a matter of finding the right treatment: sometimes it's a combination of medication and talking therapy. Sometimes the meds take a long time to start (4 weeks, usually), and sometimes you have to change meds over and over to get the right dosage and the right combination. It's really important to get a psychopharmacologist to prescribe for you. Not a "regular" doctor; they often underdose and don't know the latest meds. Believe me, it's worth every penny of the money to find the right psychiatrist who knows these medications. They won't do therapy, but they'll see you for 10 minutes every month or so, and monitor your progress.

4. If your spouse or partner doesn't get it, that's sad, but perfectly understandable. It's not their fault; it's not your fault you have depression. You can only hope your partner or spouse will read everything you give them to read (such as this web wite)and will hold on tight to give you a chance to get better.

5. I'd be happy to correspond with any of you who want to reach me at kit.Lukas@gmail.com.

C. L.

Thanks Christopher. I just printed out your message and will ask my wife to read it. She will probably refuse. Just like the book I read and ask her to read (recommended somewhere on this board: Depression: The Secret Strength, or something like that). It is sitting untouched and unread where I left it for her.

Even though it is obvious, in retrospec, my wife has been suffering with a certain level depression for many years, it has become acute in the last 5 months. And even though she was hospilitized and diagnosed with severe depression, she is still in denial. Even though she has lost her job, stays in the bedroom most of the time, is often either angry or sobbing uncontrollabily, she still will not admit that she is suffering from a desease! She even seems to have fooled her doctor who recently cut her visits to every two months.

I tell her about all the things I have read. I tell her she does not have to feel this way. That her medication probably needs to be adjusted or changed. That she needs to take certain vitimins. That she needs to excercise. That she needs to eat right. I'm making no progress!

Suggestions?

If I could get my severely depressed wife to get online and check out this message board, which appears to me to have all kinds of potential to help, she would probably read but never respond, like most of you. (She won't even read or discuss messages I have printed out from this board and left for her!). Another self-defeating symptom of the disease!

Can someone at least please suggest a discussion blog on depression that has some activity??

Christopher thanks so much for doing this I really helped me when I read this you explained everything so well. This site has helped me so much to deal with the every day issues of depression. Thanks again.

My wife and I have been living with/dealing with her server depression for almost 6 months now. Some symptoms have become more acute. Other symptoms have faded alittle. She is on Welbutrin which has at least stablized her occasional lashing out violently which she was doing before she was hospitalized.

Since she talks very little and will say nothing about how she feels or what she is thinking, I can only try to figure things out by observation. Essentially I believe she has lost the ability to feel good about anything. She enjoys nothing. She feels nothing good, including love and happiness. She does feel sad or angry. When she appears neither of those, she is just misreable. I don't know what to do!

I did try an experiment. My wife drinks lots of coffee (always have). I switched to decaff without telling her. Observed result: instead of being angry a lot, she started crying all the time. Switching back to regular, the anger returned. I'm not sure which is better (for me)??

This is my first time trying a blog. I have been depressed for years and have tried many different medications, only to get better for a while and then the depression is back again. Nothing seems to really work and I try to explain all this to my husband, but he does not seem to understand at all. He thinks that I am just unhappy with myself because I have gained weight, and this may be partailly true, but there is more to it than that.