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I’m reaching out to anyone who is interested and has a piece of advice. The truth is that up till three months ago I was fine, I mean, all of my life I’ve been predisposed to depression, and I have had episodes in the past but never this severe. I don’t get any sleep, I don’t have any energy and I’ve lost 10 pounds over the last 2 months, I cry for no reason at all and I find it hard to even get out of bed. Anyway, I’m working to overcome this and I’m trying to live one day at a time.
However, this is not what I need advice on. I know that my depression comes from many places and many reasons, but I think that one of the main reasons is my relationship with my boyfriend. Let me feel you in. We’ve been dating for 4 and a half years and the relationship has been great so far, I mean, we’ve had our share of problems but we’ve always worked them out. Now we are both really scared because we feel is time to take it to the next level, we’ve been talking about marriage and even moving away. He is getting his Masters Degree in other city and is planning in settling there, so I’ve been thinking in going away with him. Of course that means that we both will be leaving our families, friends, current jobs, etc. This doesn’t really bothers me, since I’m sure I love him and I feel I’m ready to make a commitment.
The problem is that I feel, well actually I know for a fact that he’s been lying to me about another girl, but I don’t think that he’s cheating on me, at least not physically. They met about 9 months ago at work and became instant friends, and I was fine with that, I even encouraged him to work on that friendship since he has very little female friends, and I was always telling him to invite her over when we were going out. About 4 months ago I stared to notice something odd between them, and she will always find an excuse not to go out with us but she would have no problem going out with him. I notice that they would talk over the phone for hours and some of these calls would be at odd hours of the night. I confronted him and told him that I felt uncomfortable with their relationship and that I felt that she had romantic feelings towards him. He told me that nothing was going on and that I had nothing to worry about, and that she had never talked to him about such feelings. I backed off, but still felt that something was wrong. So one day I logged on into his e-mail and I found that she has sent him two emails over the last 2 months talking about her feelings for him. The first email said that she was afraid to talk to him about it but that she was glad about what has happened (God knows what…) because that had gave her the courage to tell him that she was falling in love with him, and she even dedicated a song to him. Latter on, he asked me to make him a cd and to include this song; of course he didn’t told me why he wanted that song. The second email was basically the same, she explained to him that she wasn’t dating anyone else because she still was waiting for him and will do so until he tells her otherwise. Anyway, my question is how do I make him tell me the truth without telling him that I logged on into his email? I don’t want to give him any reason to turn things around, he is a master at it, and I don’t want to end up apologizing for anything. Even though I know that what I did was wrong; I think that lying to me about this girl is even worst. So what do I do? Do I tell him the truth? How can I confront him? I mean, I’m thinking about leaving everything behind for him, the least I deserve is the truth….
i have good news and bad news for you...good news is that you have in-tune gut instincts. the bad news is you're not listening to them. this guy is/has/will cheat on you. if he was getting everything he needed from you, both physically and mentally he wouldn't have any relationship with this other girl. sorry. but that's the truth. your worrying about looking at his email and feeling bad...are you always the victim? are you always the one that apologizes? just because you were polite and tried to include this girl doesn't mean you created the situation. i would sit this guy down and find out exactly what's going on. actually i would skip him altogether and talk to her. tell her you felt bad she never hung out with you two anymore and you hoped it wasn't something you did. yes, that's a lie but this is a girl who is/has/will cheat with your guy. i wouldn't worry too much about her feelings. i mean she knows he has a girlfriend and yet she's waiting to hear from him? wow! sorry, but your man does not like strong women in his life. which, is why you should get out while you can anyway. but seriously, do you honestly think this other girl is sitting around waiting for your boyfriend to tell her what to do just for the hell of it. he has given her a reason to and what that reason is, is irrelevant. one of you two girls is plan b to him. the one he keeps in his pocket as a just in case. you need to decide which one you want to be. girl a, girl b, or the woman who tells him, the jig is up, i can do better. if you think its just the two of you, the other girl and you, you're also mistaken. maybe it is now, but wait until he has more time on his hands. like when he doesn't have class, tests, etc. i guarantee you it will be worse. any guy will tell you they don't seek out female friendships unless they like the girl. even if you incouraged him to. bottom line is you know what is right you just need to have the courage to do it. and trust me, it can be done. i mean come on...we're talking about life and marriage. i think those topics deserve a little more credit for their severity. xxoo!
