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My husband and I have been married 4 years. I noticed a few symptoms of possible depression while we were dating, but figured he would talk to me if there was a problem. During our marriage I would ask him if everything was ok and he would say it was fine. I think I started to ask so much, I started to annoy him. He seems like a text book case: Spends money without a care or concern, has committed adultery and doesn't know why, some nights he has trouble sleeping when I know he must be tired, some days he wakes up and is miserable, or irritated for no reason, finds no joy in taking our two year old out to the zoo or water park, has been making rash decisions about wanting a divorce (however has not acted on it) and has moved out, says he is unhappy and doesn't know why or even what to do about it. Everything seems to be happening so fast! For the last three weeks I have felt like our son and I mean nothing to him. That we are holding him back from this great wonderful life he might be having without us. He never wanted to talk about what he is feeling and sometimes would not even answer me when asking about our relationship. Today I brought the topic of depression up and he has considered it. Whether it is a serious consideration or just telling me what I want to hear I do not know. I know I CANNOT make him get help, and I can research everything I can on depression and hope he recognizes some of the symptoms, but what else do I do? I guess I just leave the ball in his court right? I am just a wife wanting to keep my family together.
Dear Lanimele, I am so sorry to hear about these heavy burdens you and your children AND your husband are experiencing. Your husband may be depressed and perhaps feelings of tremendous guilt. Try to be strong and if you can, offer forgiveness to him, maybe in a letter. Encourage him to find someone he can talk to. When my marriage disentegrated, my mother suggested Celebrate Recovery. They are Christian faith based and they have a mens group where a man can tell anything which can be a great relief for one's self. Please try to be strong and continue to try to hold the marriage together. This is a very difficult task for both of you. I send Love and I said a little prayer for you and your husband and your children. A non-faith based program is AA which is the foundation for the CR program too. Know that you are not alone.
