Depression

Hi everyone,

I have read some of your posts and I never thought I would ever encounter people who feel the same as I do. Being depressed is such a terrible feeling, and it seems like people who have no connection with it do not take it seriously. They think you are just lazy, wanting attention and being a cry baby. IF ONLY IT WAS THAT EASY! ha.. right?

I am currently a freshmen in college and had to take a medical leave during this spring semester in order to receive proper medical attention. I guess I have been depressed for a few years and never quite knew what it was. I always thought that I was just being an angsty teen and a drama queen, but my senior year I realized this is way more than that. I stayed home and went to community college first semester and once my friends left for school my depression became VERY apparent. I had no energy, I felt so alone and as if it was like that because it was my own fault. I thought it got better but once I went away to school it just got worse. I never left my room and I (normally being a very social person) had no desire to make any friends or social interacts.

Because I felt this way I met with a social worker who told me I could get help from home with my personal counselor or use the school's resources. Me thinking that I would be a failure if I left decided to use the resources the school offered. I met with a psychiatrist and I told her I was considering killing myself because I felt I had no reason to live. After listening to me talk for about 45 minute she responds by telling me that she thinks I am just homesick and therefore do not need to see her any further and do not need any medication. WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU THEY ARE GOING TO KILL THEMSELVES YOU DON'T DO THAT?! Hi lawsuit!

Thankfully I worked things out and am now home working with my own counseling team and am taking medication. Ever since I started the treatment I feel that overall I am happier, with a few exceptions. Normally day after day I would lie in bed and feel sorry for how pathetic I am things like that. Now I would say I feel like that maybe once or twice a week, sometimes more and sometimes not at all.

I feel like unless you have or had depression, there is no way to understand it. I feel like everyone is on the other team and trying to escape from my life. I think I drive everyone crazy and am so anxious and insecure that its all I think about. I should have known earlier that I had depression because back in high school when people would get mad at me all I would think about was how I am such a horrible person.

This isn't very coherent but it was a great outlet. Feel free to comment or share anything with me that you please.

-Liz

it's nice to know that people can get help that works, and it's also nice to know that the counselors i have visited with are not the only one's that are incompetent. I have had depression since i was at least 13 and i reached out and no one ever knew what to do with me. they said they'd help, and i waited, but nothing was there.
thanks for giving me a bit of hope.

I understand!!!! I have heard... just do it?
I've been called "bed head" when more than anything I would want to get out of bed and do anything!!!!! this disease stinks.... especially when you have a few good days, weeks or even months only to fall into the abysssssssssssssss of hell... even when you have the talents it seems like something has placed a glass dome over the world and you are on the outside looking in unable to join in...
ULG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So ride the good times and accept the down, for "There is always the up"

I can totally relate to your college counselor visit. When I was in college, I visited with one of the counselor as well. All he did was listen to me. He said very little and I mean very little. I always left feeling like what is going on? It was very discouraging. I am glad that you went on to get better treatment.