Depression

Hi,

I'm 24 yrs old and I was recently diagnosed with depression about a month ago. I have these crying spells where I can't stop for hours and then my head feels heavy and aches for the next day and a half. I can't focus or concentrate on anything. I can't remember anything, I just feel like I'm losing my mind. I stopped talking to all of my friends and I think I've managed to push everyone away including some of my family members. Sometimes it gets really bad where I think about just not wanting to be here at all. I have been so close to overdosing twice. I just feel like everything I've ever done in life is a waste and that i'm just worthless. I have no confidence and I'm supposed to be starting a new job soon. I have so much anxiety that I just want to put it off and not work. Its a great position with a wonderful company, but sometimes I wonder if I'll be able to get out of bed because I can't seem to now. I guess I've always been an anxious person and I'm just really realizing it now. I'm on medication right now and just starting to see a psych, but everyday is the same and nothing is getting better. Anyways, I know this is really long, but if someone, anyone has the time or energy to respond even a line, I'd be so grateful. I just feel so empty and alone. Everyone around me is happy and no one understands, and sometimes its just frustrating. I don't want them to be sad or depressed, but its not a great feeling to see everyone else fine and I can't fake it. I just want to talk to someone and physically know that i'm not alone in this. So if anyone wants to talk, pls pls write back.

Hi, how are you today? I saw your message yesterday, and had to reply.
You sound as if you have quite a good insight into what's going on.

There are lots of people suffering in a similar way, but they don't talk about it. I've been suffering from anxiety too, and often feeling really down, so know something about what you are feeling. I tend to cover it up too, and don't tell friends and family any more that I have too.

It sounds good that you are getting some help form your doctor, how is that working out?

Hi Matt,

Thanks for responding and so soon on top of that. You're right there are so many people that feel this way and I think this forum is a great way for people to just put something out there and make a "connection". A lot of people wont talk about it because they're afraid of someone finding out and this way they don't have to.

How are you? I know you mentioned you've been feeling anxious as well and can relate. If you want to talk I'm definitely around and want to help in any way that I can.

I woke up this morning in a melancholy mood again. I set my alarm for 8:00am and slept in till noon because I couldn't bring myself to get up. I get up to take my meds and then figure I should stay up.

I have been feeling these intense "downs" as the doctors call it, since January, but in some way I think I've been anxious my entire life. Just looking back at many of the situations that I've been in and how I have handled them, they just all seem interrelated. I don't know if you're experiencing this in any way, but I just recently thought this might be an actual problem that I never dealt with and never really recognized because in my culture everyone just brushes it off. I think i'm just starting to notice it more since my feelings and insecurities have been magnified what seems like 100 fold.

I obviously have several other issues besides the anxiety, but I think anxiety may have a lot to do with the other issues or vice versa. Everything seems to be connected. Talking to a therapist seems to be helpful in the sense that they're obviously unbiased and will just sit and listen. My family is pretty supportive, but sometimes I feel as though they just don't understand and they want to help, but trying to impress they're opinions and thoughts on me isn't helping too much. So talking to a therapist definitely serves as a good outlet as well as someone who can step back and look at things from a bird's-eye view when you're consumed in the situation.

Anyways, sorry for the long post again, but thanks again for responding. It really does make a difference to know that there are other people feeling the same way. If you want to talk I'd love to be an internet buddy, because I know how hard it is to go through it alone.

Hi nrg-less82

Thanks for your reply, it did not seem long at all, I found your thoughts very useful.

Thank you for what you said, does feel better to talk to someone about the "downs", although I don't do so often. As you said, it feels better to talk with people who have experience of it. My family just give a little advice, and encouragement, but I don't really tell them how I am feeling.

Did you have the energy to get up earlier today, and is that the latest you have laid in? I've managed about 1pm, but then the feelings of guilt overcome the fear of the day!

When you said you thought you may have been anxious all your life, how did you cope with it then? Did you get a " bit" anxious, for a short time, or get really, really, anxious? I hope you don't mind me asking, but I've mostly lived in my comfort zone. I did the usual things, had some friends, worked, and generally enjoyed life in a fairly quiet way. But recently I've been really stressed by doing a job I didn't like, and did not suit me. I'm wondering if it has pushed me too far? As if the depression is saying "hold on, take a break here".

Now I'm looking for a different job, but it will not be as well paid, and I feel bad about having less income - feel like a failure really. but that's another fault I tend to have; to set myself too high a target, and feel bad if I fail.

Does your therapist guide you on what to do, or let you explore what has happened and make your own decisions about what to do?

Take care of yourself

Matt

Hi Matt,

How are you? No problem, I'm always here to talk if you need to share a problem. It might seem weird because we don't actually know each other, but just knowing someone else is dealing with the same things can make you feel even a fraction better which is all that really matters.

Recently I've been sort of pretending that i'm doing okay towards my family (I don't really talk to my friends much anymore). I'm trying so hard not to just breakdown all the time. I felt like I was such a burden on them before and now I see them functioning much better with this weight off of their shoulders. So I definitely understand what you mean about not talking to them about it.

I've definitely laid in bed later than 1pm. I think the latest was 3pm and then I got in bed around 7pm and cried for another 3 hours. But recently its been much better. But you're very right the guilt overcomes the fear of the day, and I get up but instead of being productive I feel like a failure because I have wasted my day. Its a vicious cycle; well thats the way it used to be anyways.

See the thing about being anxious, what I'm realizing now is that it could have affected me in so many different ways. I never really knew how anxious I was, until I just got out of a distance relationship I was in. I started looking back at certain events in my life and tying things together and suddenly I realized there was a pattern. It sounds silly and just plain stupid that I never thought I really was until I sat back and reflected on a lot of things that I've done and not done in my life (not just in a relationship aspect, but in every aspect). So as far as coping, I'm trying now because I never really had a chance to. I think in some way I've always felt like there was something off, but in my culture ppl tend to just shrug it off and it gets brushed off. No attention is paid to these psychological issues.
I've essentially lived in my comfort zone my entire life as well and thats why right now i'm having several regrets and also rising anxiety. I never dealt with it before, but things that I try now are writing in a journal for about 45 min a day, doing yogic breathing exercises, reading, cooking, or trying to go for a jog. Also one thing that I read was in order to just put yourself out there, you should try to make yourself do one uncomfortable thing everyday. Even if its saying hi to a neighbor, just do it.

I think high goals are great, but make sure they're realistic and achievable. Don't set goals that are too lofty especially when you're feeling this way. It does tend to just drag you more down in the dumps if you can't achieve them. I did the same thing and felt worse than before I set them- if you want I would love to go over them with you if you don't have anyone to do that with or if they're not too personal. Family or close friends are good sources to do that with as well.

My therapist mostly lets me talk about what I feel and then she'll give a recap/summary and tell me what she thinks. She doesn't tell me what to do, but she definitely provides insight into the info i've just laid on her and that makes me think about what I can do. And we'll go back and forth about decisions ( I can throw a pro/con list at her which is useful).

Maybe the job has pushed you to a point where you're feeling too much stress. I was in the same boat about a year and a half ago and I quit because I couldn't take it anymore. How do you know a new job will be a lower salary? You never know. Anyways, I hope things are going okay for you.

Take care

Good Morning. First I suggest as my name says, Smile. I am as new as a blade of grass in the springtime here. Been with depression for three years with certainty. Started with minor to major. Situational and have experienced the fight-flight syndrome. Sought counseling and have taken medication. Still enough about me to start. I'm from Upper Michigan and the flight situational side effects has had me traveling abound for three years as well. I was drawn towards your newby-ness, and commend your ability of proactive yearning and finding support on line. Perhaps through time your time here will provide some support and as well help others too. I came here today, like you, looking for answers. Isn't that the reason anyone of us tune into cyber these days? Some offer answers, others gentle tugs, and others the push to give us the courage to know we are not so different with the 87% others in the world that at times have too suffered from depression. The more informed we are, the better equipped we are to heal thyselves. So call me a friend. To start my introduction, my first suggestion only would be to SMILE! Thus why I pen name self to also remind myself everyday, I too will heal and be okay, by Smiling.

Hi Stacy,

How are you? Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts and comment on what you thought. I whole heartedly agree with you about tuning into online chats/forums to look for answers. That is initially why I joined. I think it gives people who can't make that first step to physically contact someone (counselor) or a friend/family member a chance to communicate, let down their gaurd and sequentially let out their deep feelings of depression, anxiety, etc.

However in the midst of exchanging these messages, looking for answers, and talking to many people, I found comfort; comfort in knowing that no matter how empty and alone I had felt at my lowest point, there was an inkling of me that held on solely because I went online one day and read word for word what I had been experiencing. I read online stories of people who I could have sworn heard me speaking because I too said the same exact things. After that I continued researching it and am still actively reading about how many people this has affected worldwide and what the stats are. I invite anyone reading this who wants to let something out to do it. We're all here to help, so don't feel shy!

Smiles, thanks again for your sincere introduction and your advice. I love making friends (well I used to before I somehow developed a social phobia), i'll try implementing your suggestion and look forward to chatting!

Take care, I hope things aren't too stressful and if you ever want to chat I'm always open to listening.

HOLA NESESITO DESESPERADAMENTE HABLAR CON ALGUIEN, TENGO DEPRESION Y ESTOY EN LO MAS PROFUNDO DE UN HUECO OSCURO DONDE NO TENGO A NADIE CON QUIEN HABLAR Y DESAHOGARME YA NO PUEDO MAS ESTOY DESESPERADA..........................

I am new and was just told diagnosed with depression a few weeks ago.I have felt this way for a long time and thought I would see if there was any online help.Then I read what you wrote and it was like you are taking about me. I feel a little better knowing I'm not the only one.Thank you for that. My family just say get over what ever is wrong, like I just spilled milk or something.I can not do that.

Hi Charmed,

How are you? Let me just start off by saying thanks for reading my post. I remember the first time I signed onto this website I had googled online depression groups and this one seemed to the one of the first ones to pop up and draw my attention. I was in a state of a desperation and needed to grab onto anything. So thanks for taking the time to read it and I sincerely hope you found some usefulness from it.
I'm always available to talk and would love to help with anything I can. If you have questions or comments or just want to chat please feel free. I can't emphasize how much this online forum helped me because I could talk to other people in the privacy of my own home and not have to step out of my comfort zone until I really was comfortable.
How are you feeling today? Tell me what your daily routine is like. What are you thinking about? Also I have to say about family and friends - they all care so much about you and just want to see you get better, but sometimes they don't understand exactly how you feel because they aren't in the situation themselves. My family was supportive, but didn't understand what I was going through - and like you wanted me to just get "out of it." And until someone is in the exact same position you are (or going through depression), they wont have a full grasp as to whats going on with you.
Are you seeing a psychiatrist or on medication?
Hope things are going okay with you - again if u need to talk please do. I'd love to help! Oh yea and one more thing do one thing today that normally makes you smile Take care of yourself.
-nrg-less-