Depression

Hello,
I have suffered from depression for years. My depression has gotten so bad over the last couple years I have removed myself from my friends and family outside of those who live in the house with me. I don't go out and hang out with friends anymore. All of my personal relationships outside the house have fallen apart and have no signs of repair. I thought to myself there is no hope for change unless I make an effort to do so, well so here I am. I am not comfortable running around looking for new friends yet, so I thought maybe someone who was like me would be interesting to chat with.... get to know and maybe become friends. Sadly my previous friends don't understand depression, they think it;s all in your head and a choice. As many of you know, no one WANTS to be depressed and given a choice I am betting all of you would decide to be something else... Anyway, for those of you looking for someone to talk to or to make a new friend I would love a chat. Feel free to email me.

=)

Hello,
I too have suffered from depression for years.
I went off of medication about 4 months ago and it has been hell.
Things your mentioned, could very well have been written by me. I am trying however, to get out again, I just don't have a direction, if that makes since. I realize I have lost opportunities to make friends, and have lost my share as well due to the isolation I have placed myself in. It amazes me that I have done so and allowed so many years to pass.

Would love to chat more.

I'm amazed, I couldn't imagine talking with other people who were as depressed as me could possibly help, I mean what have we got to say to each other but how miserable we are, and yet I'm thrilled to read your letters. I knew I wasn't alone, I read the statistics, but what a relief to hear someone else talk about how isolating it is. I can't bear to spend any time with anyone, and yet I'm lonely. My friends know I'll go months without a word, then I'll show up again, but honestly it's like twice a year. Enough to not lose them completely. I read some of the other messages about how difficult it is for the spouses of someone depressed. It is. There's no way around that. I've been divorced for 11 years and even if I met someone, I can't imagine putting someone I care about through this with me. It's hard enough my kids have to make adjustments.

I just want you to know i understand. I wake up every morning fighting to just get out of bed and get my kids of to school. no one understands and I just want to cut the world off. The sadness sometimes just overtakes me and the tears won't stop.

Hello,
You are not alone.Depression has resulted in me gradually over the years being less of a socialite like I once was.I would give anything to have those days return.However,for that to happen I have to be happy again,optimistic and overcome this nasty thing.You're not alone in the sense that your friends do not understand what we are going through and if you're like me you wouldn't wish thing on your worst enemy.I agree with you that many people do blame us as if we have self inflicted ourselves with the inability to enjoy life and be happy.I am also new to this and I am glad that I decided to join because it gives me comfort in knowing that I am not alone and that there are many other people out there in similar states of mind who are braving it out and fighting depression.I am optimistic that we can overcome this dark and sad period in our lives.Since many people in society cannot appreciate depression it is a good thing that this community exists because it allows us to discuss things that only we can completely understand.I was afraid to join because I thought that either people would judge me and complicate things or that this was going to be one of those chat sites where people write in codes and only partially spell words and,it is more like a bar scene than giving assistance.However,I was pleasantly surprised after reading many of the postings because I knew that this was for real.Only if you suffer from depression can you identify those that really understand it.I love to talk and always have but my state of mind has prevented me from maintaining contact with people that were once close to me.What people don't understand about me is that I have a beautiful and caring wife,three beautiful children,nice house...and they ask ,"How can you be depressed?" They think that it is like a light switch that can be turned on or off...don't we all here think that it is as simple as that?

HI DisneyGal and Everyone else who replied.

I could not agree with all of you more and as one person said it was almost as if i wrote those words.... i had the same "me too" feeling. I've had a hard life and have had friends come and go and now have one true friend but she is busy with her life and daughter so we dont get together much anymore and only talk a couple times a month. I'm married to the most amazing man but as far as my family goes they are all estranged from me now and really want nothing to do with me. my father died a few years ago and he was the biggest abuser of the family mentaly and emotionaly, my mother treats me like a stepchild that she hates, my brother is a drug addict and in his own world, my sister who is now married will talk to me once in a great while but we have had a falling out and she does not seem to care about mending things so i just dont push for it anymore. my mother-in-law puts up with me but is mad at me for taking her only son away from her and my father-in-law lives in KS. I have not met him yet but so far he is a very nice man and my hubby's stepmom is as sweet as pie and we get along great and chat via email all the time but not having a face to face relationship is hard. I have two kids a son who will be 10 in Feb and a daughter who is 5 BUT my daughter lives with my exhusband in San Diego and my mother has my son.... long story but they were not taken from me under bad cercumstances, just some stupid legal thing i had to go through 3 years ago that turned out to be way less of a big deal then the people involved made it out to be.... and none of that helped my already horrific depression.

I have been trying to make friends where i live but Visalia is a small city compared to San Diego and Orange County where i used to live and people here are either married and happy and dont have time for me or are much younger than i am and just want to party and get drunk. Sorry that has never been my thing and at 29 i'm ready to start a more serious side of my life then just "hanging out at the mall" or "partying on a friday night" I was diagnosed at age 15 with severe cronic depression, PTSD, Suicidal tendancies, Agoraphobia, Panic Attacks and i think there was one other thing but the list was already long enough for me. The shrink said that i had been this way probably since i was 4 and being 15 and just now finding out i was already on the very bottom of the scale for their diagnose chart. I went on meds but they didnt do anything for me and i hated the idea of chemicals in my body so i stopped taking them. Therapy didnt help either. I felt like as soon as i would start one one subject the doc would say ok now lets explore that more weather or not if i wanted to and so i would talk about it. then i would say something that caught his attention and he would stop me and say lets talk about that more now. and at the end of my hour i felt like i was just a bunch of piles of little pieces on the floor and i didnt feel any better, in fact it made me feel worse. So i stopped going to therapy... after 7 shrinks it was clear that i was not going to find help that way. one hour a week was not going to help me heal any time soon. My twenty's were hard and now i'm heading into my 30's and i just want things to be better even if just a little... just to be able to feel the slightest bit better would make a huge difference for me and my hubby.

I'm just going to put this out there right now so that there is no hurt feelings.... I'm a Bisexual Wiccan, no i do not whorship the devil, i dont whorship something that was made up by man. I do believe in god but do not believe in organized religon. I have all the respect for those who do believe in church, if it works for you then thats great but it is just not for me. Please do not try to save me and get me to go to chruch, i was blessed in the mormon chruch when i was 3 by my mothers father, went to that church for years, then after my aprents divorced i went to my fathers mothers baptist church for 5 or 6 years, then married my first husband who was a memeber of the Calvary Chappel and that was not for me either. After years of fighting who i really was inside and how i felt about lifde and the world i stopped fighting it and learned all i could about Wicca and being a Naturtist. I love mother earth and all life living on her. I'm a witch as far as being in tune with nature, life, and the vibe and energy that is put off by our world. I dont perform black magick and i dont believe in it. I believe in Ghosts and reincarnation, past lives, horoscopes, psyhics, card readings, astrology etc. I'm very open once you get to know me and i'm very excepting of everyone no matter what you believe in. I enjoy learning new things and i think of myself as a sponge... i soak up all i can. I love arts and crafts, music, movie ANYTHING DISNEY.... I had to believe in fairytales growing up because it was my escape from the abuse and i could have a perfect life full of love and wonderful parents so i have always been fond of anything that allows me to be me without judgement. It's a good thing i grew up 10 miles from Disneyland and 1 mile from knotts berry farm. :-) I love food and it shows.... i'm overweight but that has a lot to do with my depression and how i think very little of myself, but my hubby loves me and thinks i'm beautiful and thats good enough for me :-)

Sorry to have gone on so long.... i'm just desperate to talk to others in my shoes who "get it" and arent just saying the get it to be nice. Believe me once we get talking your will get long emails/IM's from me.... years of not having anyone that understood me has made for a very backed up amount to get out and to be able to let go of. :-)

I wish you all well and hope to make friends with as many people as i can.... the more people who "get" you the better the healing for all of us.

Blessings & Pixie Dust
Jenn

I too could have written these words I know this was written months ago but I ma just now looking for others like myself.

I'm new to the site but I can relate very much. I've suffered from depression for 11 years of my life. I was on medication for a while then I got off them about two years ago. Since, I've had several bouts with depression, that most of the time, I could easily fight off. Recently though, I've been feeling it on a daily basis and it's a constant that doesn't seem to go away. I have a constant feeling that I let down everyone in my life and that nothing I do is good enough or will ever matter. I came on here to seek out advice and support from anyone that's going through similar things as me.

Hi, I'm new to this site. I thought that maybe joining something like this could help so I'm giving it a try. I'm 20 years old and I've suffered from depression for about 2 years now. I didn't realize it's what I have until I started my freshman year at college last year. Suddenly everything changed and I couldn't handle it. I wanted to go back to the way things were and when I realized that would never happened it felt like I broke inside. Knowing that I can't fast forward and I can't go backwards makes me crazy and I feel sad all the time. I don't give anything much effort anymore and the only time I feel truly happy is when I'm around family or my best friends from home. Being away at a new school (I transferred out of my old school because it was killing me) I felt that I could start over, that I would give more of an effort to make friends and be happy. But as I've discovered, though my new school is a lot better than my old one, I'm still the same. I sleep way too much, on weekends I stay up really late and wake up late in the afternoon, and sometimes I'll even take naps during the day. When I'm not in class or at my job on campus I take naps. I think that being asleep is easier than being awake and having to deal with the world. It sounds kindof childish but it's how I feel. I've met a few nice people here which is good, but I don't have that many friends. I've come to view college as more of a job instead of an experience: go to class, go to work, do homework, hang out with people, and sleep. Like it's something I HAVE to do. I feel like a robot, going wherever I'm told, doing what I'm told. If my friends invite me to go hang out with them I go because I have nothing else to do and I don't want to sit alone in my room. However going into it with that state of mind makes it hard to have fun once I'm hanging out with them. I wish I could just live at home and hang out with my friends all the time but that isn't going to happen because it's not reality. I haven't been diagnosed by any doctors but I've taken plenty of tests and quizzes online and I know I suffer from depression. I haven't told anyone because part of me feels like it's none of their business but the other part of me just doesn't care to tell them. I'm thinking about telling my mom but I'm not sure yet.

I am new here too - have been reading posts here for a couple of weeks and just have gotten the nerve to join and write tonite after reading DisneyGal's post and all the replies. You all seem to be experiencing many of the same things that I am. I have not worked for four and one-half years - have been on disability for two and one-half of those. I hate to have to go out of the house for anything. The only place is to the doctor. If I am desparate, I will got to small market. My town is very small and I have only lived here since I had to stop working. Consequently, I have made no friends here at all. I have chronic migraines as well as chronic hip and low back pain due disk problems in my back and recently had back surgery. I live with pain every day and I have not been diagnosed with depression, but my doctor has me on an anti-depressant. Some days I hate myself and just want to cry. I want to do so many things, but they are just in my head and I have no motivation except thinking about them. Few days I sit on porch if sun is shining. The only thing I really do is read. My life is passing by and by as I have isolated myself.

I agree with all the posts here and believe I have have found somewhere I can talk about what is going on with me cause there is no one else to tell it to. I have friends from where I moved from, but I wasn't like this when they were around me a lot. I don't see them anymore and talk to them only several times a year. So they won't understand.

This post may not make total sense. Please forgive me if it does not. I am just so happy to be here!

Bless you all.

Hey i've isolated myself too. I'm 25 and have been depressed and on meds since I was 14. I was really popular and outgoing in high school but now I'm still in college and stay home a lot. I hate being alone and have no motivation to go out and make new friends. I have on best friend that knows all about me but can't understand the same things that other depressed people feel. I feel like my life isn't moving forward.

Hi,

I'm new here. Wow I'm surprised of how many people are going through depression.I can relate. I have been depressed for years and still am. I have good days and bad days where its hard for me to even motivate myself to get out of bed. I'm 27 and i do go out and theres times when depression hits me all of the sudden i dont feel like going anywhere. So i try my hardest to get up and do something anything even as simple as taking my dog for a walk.

By going online and posting a message takes alot of effort for me. before i wouldn't even consider going online but now i feel like theres other people that are just like me. Just not vocal in public.

Some of my friends know i have depression and there cool with it. I go out depending on how im feeling. Its a struggle to be happy but i"m trying to find ways to be busy just like i"m doing now for me to not think about depression. THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS

Hi, I'm sorry to hear about your struggels. I know what you are going through. Please consider visiting a Psychiatrist and consider getting some meds. I told my Dr that I couldn't afford the modern drugs and she prescribes older drugs that have a generic. Meds can make a big difference and they can sometimes cause you to feel worse. As you can tell there are many of us suffering, you're not alone in that regard. I hope this message makes you fell alittle better: I send love to you and I said a little prayer for you. I hope you cand manage to improve your health. -Mark