Depression

Hello,I'm new here,my name is Robert and I want to tell you a little about me first on whats causeing my depression,I'm 26 and I was born premature,I spent 3 months extra in the hospital and I had to have a coletomy surgery on my stomach it was a matter of life and death,The drs all labled me as a Special Needs Person and that I would always need others to take care of me in makeing choices and things of that nature,I still live with my Parents and there Absolutly great to me,they take the very up most care of me and see that I get just about anything I want and they do everything for me,don't get me wrong, I love them deeply,but thats part of the problem, they do "everything" for me I don't do anything for myself or make any choices on my own,I went threw school as a special ed student,I've never had a relationship or had a girlfriend,that makes me really sad and depressed,lonley I never have learned to drive a car,proably couldn't anyway bescase of my motorskill problems my hands won't move certin ways,they don't want me out walking by myself bescase there arfraid of something happening to me you know how the world is so bad now adays,I feel as if I am over-welmed and smothered to death,I don't have any friends execpt family, the only true friend I had outside family was killed in a car accident in 2004 and he had a disablity to so we had a lot in common,we were like brothers did everything together,I also deal with adhd-and I was takeing 250mg of depakote and 50mg of steraline for my depression but they wanted me to stop bescase it was makeing me feel worse,I'm not takeing any anti-depressants right now,I think I am bi-polar,I deal with raceing thoughts rapid mood swings and extream highs and extream lows,I'm not on any type of medication,I am a regliogus person I believe in God,I know I feel as if I don't want to go on and I just want to give up and quit seeing no purpose in life,I don't want to go to hell, but I feel like I'm gonna end up killing myself eventualy,I don't feel like I have had a normal life compared to everyone else around me, You know like when I'm out at stores or at church and I see everyone else you know get out of there cars and had into a building with there partner girlfriend or wiffe and I see all these with there independent lives, I feel so sad and cheated out of life,its like I have to eat it every single day and watch it before my eyes and I'm just geting tired of being here,Most I've talked to believe that Suicide is unforgivable and that you will go to hell if you kill yourself,I don't seem to agree with that,I feel as if a person offered a heart felt prayer and was honest with God,I think he looks at what drives a person to that point,I don't want to go to hell but I do feel as if I want to die,I appreate you all takeing the time to at least listen to me,does it make me a bad person to want to commit suicide? I wouldn't be doing it to hurt others in my family or to cause hurt, I do love all of my family, but I can't help the way I feel,

my reasons for wanting to commit suicide-

1-my depression sadness personal problems and emotional
2-no relationship a girlfriend

3-lonlyness-lack of friends

4-My Limitations in terms of my disablity

5-the death of my very best friend that was killed in 2004

6-no independence

7-feeling no purpose in life

Thank You so much for your time and I hope I wasen't too long and please excuse my poor spelling but as I wrote I have had some problems in about every area,

Hi Robert,

It sounds like you have a had a difficult life and all those previous experiences will inevitably result in difficult or low feelings. I'm very sorry to hear about you losing your friend, even this in itself is very difficult for anybody to deal with and takes a long time to get over. I have no relative experience to do with your motor skill problems but Are there any clubs/societies/meetings in your area involving people with the same condition? Even some internet forums could let you talk to other people in the same situation to see how they deal with their problems.

I too suffer from massive mood swings and at my lowest point all I can think about is suicide, it seems like the only way out and the only way to remove the thoughts from my head. I feel like I would die happy just because i don't have to try and make myself feel betetr anymore.

Have you tried talking to your parents and getting them to realise that you feel they are too-overprotective and you want more independence in you life?

I have had one girlfriend in my life but because of my depression and other things we broke up a year ago. Since then I have been terribly lonely all the time and think i will never be in a relationship, I hate myself and my life at the minute. I don't even want to try and meet someone else because I don't care and i have no confidence at talking to people anyway. Although I have had a girlfriend the break-up has made the depression even worse and it feels now like I never was in a relationship.

However, the only thing I do know is that talking about my true feelings to people has helped and the only way to get better is find any way that I can get out and meet new people. This seems like an impossible task but I need to keep trying. I know this is more difficult for you but there are other people in the same situatuion and there must be hobbies/activities/events that you can go to and share the same interests with other people.

The mantra I keep repeating to myself is that suicide is only:

"a permanent reaction to a temporary feeling"

Your low feelings will go away and no matter how impossible the task seems it will get easier with time. Try to keep your hopes up and it is good you have a numbered list of your problems. Try to start with doing something positiive towards one of these. Even just a small step will lead to bigger improvements in the future.

Keep well, i hope to hear from you,

e

Dear Robert, I am certainly sorry to hear of your situation. Unfortunatley I know the toll a death can cause to an already existing depression, I lost my husband 8 years ago, & my depression has gotten much worse since. I am on disability for my depression, and I have degenerative back, fibromylagia,ulcers.I usually don't even get out of bed, nor do I have the desire to even bathe myself. It's awful, I want so much to feel better. I am curretly on Cymbalta, trazadone, and have to take sleeping pills also. Well I'm too old to be your girlfriend, but would love to be your friend. medicinetear57@yahoo.com

I know what its like to want to commite suicide .. i too think daily about it. But they way i try to rationilize it and its scary is that you need to think that its perminant. you dont get to see the reaction and its not a "ill show them" kind of a deal. Most ppl do it for that reason. its hard but even if it is only one person you need to know that that person loves you and one person even if it is your parents is better then no one. I dont have anyone and i know what its like to be alone in the world. Plus take it form me huni being independent is not all cracke up to be trust me. i have been so since i was 17 and im 21 now. I would love to be living at home with a family because it gets lonely. Ppl are different and you cant take society accpectations and make them yours. Its hard and i struggle everyday but its just a life lesson we all need to learn. I drive ppl away and im learning to cope with being alone. if you even need someone to talk to and be a friend (i am always anyones friend) dont hesistate to ask/ email or anything. .... my fav quote that i think of daily is "you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only thing thats left!" im sure your best friend (rip) would want you to be happy. Life always rains on the ppl it should shine on but again thats part of life... no one said that it would be fair only that one day it would be worth it... i promise.