Chronic Pain

first and foremost this site is a godsent. I was searching for hours for support groups and was thrilled when i came across this site. thank you for a wonderful service where caregivers can connect.

My husband has been in chronic pain for almost 3 years now. and with no official diagnosis finding understanding can be difficult. i'm here because i know i can't do this by myself anymore and even talking about day to day struggles can ease stress.

one morning he just couldn't move. and the only consistant thing his doctors have said is, 'i dont know whats wrong with you'. hubby is on a waitlist for a pain clinic and i'm hopeful the doctors can work some magic.

he's on a slew on meds and other meds to conteract the side effects of the main meds. he's been staying away from narcotic pain killers because he doesn't want to start down that road. he's been on time release drug(tramacet) but i fear it isn't working as well as it used to and not that his pain is increasing, the meds aren't effetive anymore.

the stress of it all is finally catching up to me and I can no longer keep pushing it down. and it's hard to stay hopeful when he has lost what little he had left. i feel guilty when i get upset over disappointments because i know i have a pretty good life and pity parties don't suit me. but some days i can't help but feel like i'm just holding on by the finest of threads and to come home see the dishes still in the sink, know he hasn't moved from his chair all day and the only things i asked was that the dishwasher be loaded. and then having to share with him why i'm upset the instant i walk in the door...over dishes. i dont' want to tell him cuz i know its just gonna make him feel worse and even more inadequate over doing a simple task.

there came a point a few months ago where i told him that i didn't want to hear him say 'i'm sorry' anymore. not that i doubt the sincerity of his apologies, just that it usually followed any question or came up in some topic we were discussing. so instead of sorry we came up with 'i love you'. i still know what's behind it, and it's a small thing, but it's about the little things.

i know i'm not alone, i just need vent...