Chronic Pain

My name is Andrew. I have chronic back pain for the past 4 years. I have inherited spinal stenosis from my father and I've had problems with my back since I was a teenager. My chronic pain started in 2005 when I changed careers to become a Chef. I love cooking, but the long hours on my feet often left me with back pain. At first, I could manage it with occasional pain killers and a visit to the chiropractor. However, my back pain became more frequent and tenacious with each spell until I finally could not get rid of the pain. It constantly feels like I've been hit in the back with a hammer. It never goes away. I had my first MRI in 2006 after physical therapy, osteopathic manipulations, pain killers, exercise etc. The MRI showed 3 ruptured discs. It looked like surgery was inevitable and I was only 33. I was devastated.

However, my doctor suggested I try spinal injections. He said if they work, we can put off surgery for a few years. After some very painful facet injections (that did nothing) they finally gave me Epidural Injections which worked very well. I could go for weeks with my pain level lowered enough that I could work and function semi-normally. The pain cannot be totally releaved. The downside is, after 2 years of periodic injections I have decreasing relief from the procedure. My last few injections worked less than 2 weeks.

After another MRI, I now have 4 ruptured discs. The pain borders on unbearable. It goes down both my legs and is a constant ache in my lower spine which often causes painful back spasms. I cannot sleep, I cannot work to the best of my ability, my marriage is strained and frankly, I am sick of the whole thing. Sometimes I want to die. I am horribly depressed and I cannot function. I quit my job last week (which was a bad idea) because the mental and physical pain is literally affecting everything in my life.

I have already consulted numerous doctors with the following results: They cannot do an orthoscopic procedure on me because I have multiple discs damaged. They cannot do a discectomy because it would weaken the structure of my spine. I have literally looked at ANY option that could help me and the only conclusion is I need Spinal Fusion surgery. I have mixed feelings about this because I have heard both horror and success stories about the surgery.

I've spent the last 4 years "toughing it out" and I cannot do it anymore. No matter how hard I push myself I am failing. I used to be able to "suck it up" and go to work depsite my pain, but I can't anymore. The pain is too great and I am reaching the end of my resources to deal with it. It has taken me a long time to admit this, but I can't do this alone anymore. My marriage is in jeopardy because my wife thinks I should be able to do things despite my pain. No matter how hard I try to describe it to her, she doesn't understand. She thinks I'm being a wuss or something. Like I can just "shut it off". I wish I could.

Any comments are welcome. I think I just need to know someone understands.

Thx, Andrew

I have spinal stenosis and fibromyalgia. I have lived with chronic pain for 33 years now. It would be so much easier if we had "outside" physical symptoms. Family not believing us is so devastating, it took me years to get a doctor to give me pain meds so I could continue to function enough to drag myself through the day. I wanted to die. How can I make a doctor understand what I am going through if my own family thinks I am faking. This is like a direct punch in the gut each time we are in pain and they don't believe us. I tell my family it's like hitting your "funnybone" only the pain can last hours not seconds. I want to pass out, I wonder why I don't pass out, how can we live with so much pain??? Family support is SO Important...keep coming to this site for help on this end of the chronich pain management. Cody

Hi Andrew,
Welcome to ChronicPainConnection. I'm so sorry to hear you're having to live with so much pain. You have found a group of people here who can relate to what you're going through – both the physical pain and the pain of loved ones not understanding.

Have you ever talked with your doctors about an intrathecal pain pump or a neurostimulator to help manage the pain? Here's a link to more info on both: Neurostimulators and Pain Pumps If you're interested in learning more about the pain pump, we also have a very active thread on pain pumps here in the forum entitled, “Willing to share experience with intrathecal morphine pump implant” under the General Discussion topic. It was started and is maintained by Bob Englebardt.

On the subject of helping your wife understand, I've written an open letter to loved ones who are having difficulty comprehending what we are going through. Here's a link: Understanding Chronic Pain

We're glad you're a part of our community here. I wish we could give you a simple answer to relieve your pain. Hopefully we can share some ideas and experiences that might help. But at the very least, we can offer you support and encouragement and let you know we understand.

My best,
Karen

Hi Andrew,

your opening line caught me. no one should have to suffer alone. i myself don't live in pain, my husband does, but i do understand your need for understanding.

you should be able to depend and rely on your partner for unconditional support. i said a vow, 'in sickness and health' and i will make good on that promise til i die. if someone has never personally experienced pain on a regular basis, they have no concept of how hopeless everything seems. where you would give everything you own for even a moments worth of being 'pain free'. where you don't have good days anymore, it's only bad and worse. and even as i'm drawn to tears as i type, i can't lose hope.

I don't know your suffering andrew, and i can only imagine not being able to cook, but you are in my thoughts. as with everyone out there in pain.

i know it's easy for me to say fight, but fight andrew, fight until you have nothing left to give. fight until you can no longer stand. and don't lose hope. keep a small glimmer burning that one day you'll have a ok day, maybe even a good day.

Erin

Hi Andrew,
I too use to work in the culanary( sorry for the spelling)Field, It was my joy to see people eating what I prepared and loveing it, and complementing the hard work that was put into each bite they ate was such a since of self gradification and pride,( This I understand )... It is hard to just give up what you love to do, it is like you had to trade down your happieness for sadness and constant pain,No it is not fair,That is where my problems began was in the kitchen, the pain in the lower and upper back and in the feet, that made it so hard to do a good job and concentrate on the task at hand.On the side I loved to decorate cakes for family and friends and at christmas I baked enough cookies for a small army.
I have Fibromyalgia,Degerative Disc Disease,CFS,Athrites in my neck and lower spine,Tremors in head and torso moveing to my hands. I am in constant pain, if it is not one place it is another, to me the only peace I get is when I sleep, only to wake up back on the train of pain, I take Hydrocodones 75/750's now 2 at a time, and Felexeral( muscle relaxers)for pain,Cymbalta for depression and anxiaty( it don't work for my pain) and 2 outher meds for my tremors which don't work.
About 2 month's ago I broke down and I also wanted to end my torment of physical pain and the pain in my heart from my husband and family not listening to me, I know a whole lot of us here knows that feeling, Have you thought about counsoling?, if not for you and your wife, then for you so you can keep your sanity while you deal with this,(You are not a wimp!!!) even though you feel like you have been whipped by the cat of 9 tails in your back, it pushes us into a deep depression as we morn for the person who we once were and for being a person who now is disabled and unable to work. My Theripest explained to me that I have the same deep depression as men go threw after being told they can no longer work due to there disabilities. I was a very independant person and worked hard at work and at home.
Now my Husband fixes most meals and does most of the house work and all the yard work, I cried everytime my husband mowed the yard, I had a beautiful yard, but now I just don't worrie about it anymore.I don't have the energy to do things like I did, and I tend to sleep a lot too.
Click on my Picture Icon and I have a web page filled with info for all kinds of stuff. But most of all talk to your Dr. about a Psychiatrist or Theripest, it helps to talk to someone in person to let it all out!!

Good Luck and Blessings to you
FibroAngel2