Chronic Pain

Hey Y'all,

Well, I guess this is something else I need to do to try to keep from going insane - reach out and connect with other folks who have similar problems.

I'm 49, married, with two sons (26 and 12). I have also had problems with my low back for almost 20 years. I had my first inkling of the trouble to come when I was working as a janitor and going to college. I bent over one evening and herniated two disks in my lumbar spine.

Since then, I have had periodic trouble with my back, episodes that were initially isolated by months and sometimes years in between. But the time in between episodes gradually reduced so that by the late 90's, I was in constant pain and in pain management. It was handled poorly by the docs there; their answer was to give me more and more meds. I got hooked, took a great effort to get off them, and just dealt with the pain without much assistance except chiropractic and the occasional ER visit for about 3 years.

That brings me to this year. I stared feeling pain in my back while doing the demolition work on my kitchen, and ended up in Urgent Care. The subsequent MRI showed moderately advanced degeneration of my lumbar spine, and a disk herniation at L1/L2. I got hooked up with an excellent doctor; he is cautious about prescribing pain meds, but I am unable to work. I've been on short-term disability since the end of last month. I am taking a muscle relaxer, neurontin, hydrocodone 7.5/350 6/day, Prozac, fish oil and a multivitamin.

I'm an engineer, and I can't think or remember important things. The only asset I have is my brain, and I can't think clearly. I am really depressed, and I don't know where to turn. I don't like where I think this is going.

I guess I am just really, really wanting to be heard. I think I have to go see my doc and get something stronger for the pain, but I am really worried about his response given my history. I feel like I'm in a corner with no way out. I'd do anything to not be where I am today.

Uplifting, isn't it?

g

Hello Greg B,
I am also new to the forum, but not the pain,I have Degerative Disc disease in my Lumbar too and athrites,I guess I can say I know where you are comming from because my Phyc. Theripest told me that I have the same kind of depression a man gets when he gets disabled and unable to work after years of hard labor in the work force, he said it is unusual for a women to get this type of depression,but due to the types of labor I did and as hard as I worked and my ethects( sorry for the spelling) it is a deep depression,I have had a hard time dealing with the fact I can no longer bring in the pay checks and do what I loved to do( work) and work at home.
I am proud of you for knowing you were hooked on the pain pills and knew what you had to do to quit,I'm just the opisit, I have to make myself take my pain pills because I told my Dr. I didn't want to be a statistic and be called a hypocondreact, but he told me to quit being a hero and take them.I only have brothers and I have always been sort of a tomboy with a femine side,LOL,to me 50 or 100 lbs was nothing, but now I am lucky if I can do 10lbs.
I am 44, married and have 2 grown daughters 23 and 26,and I'm a Grandma too of 3 granddaughters,I'm married and also my husband has health issues and he has been getting anxiaty attacks. So he has to go see the Dr. about them.
I hear you and I am sure a whole lot of outhers here do to,You are not alone in your thought about giveing anything to get where you were before all this hit you. Me Too!
I have a web site and I have links on it for depression and for pain,and a few outher things,and if you read my intro you can see all the health issues and meds I take too.
Here's my Web site--Fibro Angel's Space

Feel free to contact me also,I am rooting for you!! Hang in there Greg (((HUGS)))

FibroAngel2

Hi Greg,
My name is Sheila and I will admit that I rarely go to any other section on this Chronic Pain Forum other than Bob's Posts (Willing to share experience with Intrathecal Narcotic Pump). I, too have dealt with each and every thing that you are going through.
Greg, I understand the depression all too well. I won't share my experiences with it due to the chronic pain that I have had to live with, because to this day it honestly frightens me. I hope and pray that you will be blessed by "light being shined into that darkness" of depression that so many of us here understand.
I strongly recommend that you go to your doctor as soon as possible and explain what you are going through physically, emotionally and mentally. Please Greg, do this for yourself and for you family.
I do have some good news for you. In case that you are going to good pain doctors, they will understand and not judge you. Your pain is causing great depression and it is so important that we be well emotionally and mentally. I am pretty sure that you wrote in your post that you are on anti depressants at this time and you may need to switch to a different one or be increased, but whatever you do, please take a step out of the corner and call the doctor as soon as possible. I don't know you....but I am very concerned for you. Depression can actually increase all of our symptoms. I am not saying that you do not have pain, or that the pain is all in your head. I am just trying to explain to you that depression and chronic pain go hand in hand and you need to trust your doctors judgements. If you are concerned about the addiction that comes along with pain meds, you can give your pain meds to someone that you trust to give them to you, this way you won't abuse them in any way. Greg, you have severe pain and pain meds are medically necessary. I urge you to please make an appointment with your doctors to discuss with them the fact that the meds that you are taking now aren't providing a sufficient amount of pain relief. I will also recommend to you to contact a counselor who deals specifically with those of us who suffer chronic pain, and they will be able to help you and you can open up to them and be honest in how you are feeling. Greg, whatever you do, don't suffer in this alone, please don't do to that when there is so much help available to people like you and I.
There are many ways of handling taking your pain meds if you have been addicted in the past. Your doctors could have you sign a confidentiality form to be able to contact whoever it is that is holding your pain meds for you, possibly your wife, and this gives them permission to call this person at any time to just make sure that you are not abusing the meds in any way. This is a very "healthy" way of dealing with the fear of abusing pain meds or fear of addiction. This is a wonderful plan for what I call accountability. Accountability, in my definition (I'm sure that it isn't Websters definition), is a responsibility involving someone else.
I am going to be thinking of you Greg. I have had many lower back surgeries, fractured vertabraes in my lower back, I now have a cage in my lower spine, Titanium screws. I have also had the Intrathecal Narcotic Pump. The pump worked wonderfully for me, unfortunately, it had to come out because a hole opened up where the incision was and I ended up with an infection.
I am going to recommend that you also start to see this and yourself in a positive manner. Greg, be proud that you are man enough to admit that you have had a problem with pain meds. Be proud that you love your family enough to admit the depression. Be proud of yourself that you are reaching out for help and that is hope in itself. You should be very proud of yourself Greg, I don't even know you and I am proud of you. If only I was as brave as you when I herniated more discs, because there was a time that I had 4 herniated discs, then had surgery, everything was going great, so I went back to work as a Nursing Assistant and I picked a lady up off of the floor all by myself because she was on a ventilator and had alzheimers and demention, and she had literally crawled all the way across the floor and became disconected from her tubing from her ventilator. There wasn't enough time for me to call for anyone to come and help me get her hooked back up, and her grand daughter loved her so much and wasn't ready to let go of her, so I picked her up myself. The very next day, I merely coughed while sitting down on my couch and within minutes I was crawling on the floor because I was unable to stand because I was in so much pain. I ended up in the ER and had an MRI and I had blown more discs and had surgery on that and then 9 weeks later I was in a horrible car accident and ended up being life flighted and the CT Scan revealed fractured vertabraes in my lower spine. I haven't worked in a very long time or at least that is how it feels. I am only 40 years old and have an 18 year old son and a 10 year old daughter. Being deemed disabled was one of the hardest things that I have ever been through in my whole life. And I have been through so much Greg that I completely understand what you are going through. I ended up having very bad thoughts and I also had fears about addiction when my meds needed to be bumped up and my doctor introduced me to the "accountability policy". I signed a form that allowed him to call my Mom or my husband to make sure that I wasn't abusing my meds. It allowed him to call me in for pill counts and also for urine/blood tests to make sure that I was taking my pain meds properly and not abusing them. If you are in severe pain Greg and you take your pain meds as prescribed, I am pretty sure that it has been proven that you will not become addicted to your meds.
Greg, you are in my thoughts and prayers and please ask your doctor concerning a good mental health counselor who specializes in those of us who suffer depression due to the chronic pain and everything that goes along with it.
Take Care and please update us to let us know how you are doing. You aren't alone....you are never alone.
Sheila

Angel, Sheila,

Thank you both for your responses. I had an appointment with a great pain doc on Monday afternoon, discussed my pain and concerns, and both got heard and taken care of. My wife was there to support me and advocate for me.

They have started me on Avinza, 30 mg daily for starters, to be increased to 60 in a few days. Plus, the doc recommended that I keep on taking the hydro for breakthrough. Finally, something that I can take once a day for the base pain level, so I don't have to worry about taking something often, or at my discretion. Plus, my wife is there to support and monitor me.

The doc had me sign a contract to protect their liability, and promised to give me whatever treatment I needed so I could live with as little pain as possible. The past couple of days have been much, MUCH better.

I feel like I have fallen into the hands of a loving God. This just feels like a miracle to me. I am still in a lot of pain, but I don't feel hopeless any more.


I have a surgical consult later this week, and the pain doc said that he might want to do a discogram, depending on what my x-rays have to show. So, it looks like some progress is being made there too.

Thanks again for your responses. I hope I can provide some support myself pretty soon.

g

Greg B,
Thank you SOOO much for sharing this good news with me. You had mentioned that you felt as though you had fallen into the arms of a loving God and I truly needed that encouragement. The thing that I didn't tell you about myself is that I have been going through some trials of my own, due to pain and by the way, I am a Christian, and I have been praying so much and I didn't really know if I was being heard or not. Greg, the night that I read your post, I got down on my knees in front of my couch and I prayed and prayed for you and with this wonderful news that you have shared, I have a new found hope again in my loving and most Merciful God. I feel refreshed again in my Faith.
Greg, I will continue to pray for you and also for your supportive wife, what a blessed man you truly are. It really took a whole lot to do what you did and to confess all that you confessed. Be proud of yourself because I just know in my heart that you are on a divine path of physical, spiritual and emotional new found wellness. It's true that you will probably still experience some pain, but not at such a high agonizing level. There are ways that we can take our pain meds and be responsible concering the accountability issue with our doctors and our loved ones. I am so glad to hear that the doctors didn't judge your need for pain relief on your past experience and that they are willing to help you and yet, protect themselves from any sort of liability. I am so glad and blessed both to hear of your good results with your doctors. I prayed more than once that God would touch your pain docs. hearts and minds with God's Mercy and God's Love for you and God was faithful to answer.
Please reach out anytime that you are struggling with depression due to the pain and just how much it affects our lives. I am a huge believer in mental, emotional and spiritual(for myself) wellness being vitally important when it comes to dealing with our pain.
Again Greg, thank you so much for sharing your update, I am so glad to hear that you are doing better and that all went so well. It is such a comfort in knowing that when we are suffering horribly with pain not only physically but also emotionally, that we can end up finding ourselves in the arms of a kind, non judgemental, loving and merciful God, full of Grace and kindness. You truly are blessed.
God Bless,
Sheila

Greg,

I am so happy my wings are flapping with sheer greatfulness that you and your lovely supportive wife are on the road to releif ,,

I would have been in sooner to respond but this Angel has been under the weather with the flu or something,so I have been resting a whole lot for a few days and I feel it will be a few more, My how it makes the aches and pains 3x as bad, I have to get my flu shot again soon.

Blessings be with you and yours, may your Angels always be at your sides for confidance and support! (((HUG))) Great Job!!!! Both you and your wife!!!
Angel