Breast Cancer

My wife is Swedish from Stockholm. She is 28. I am french/swiss from Geneva Switzerland. I am 39. We got married in Stockholm last July 2006 and life looked great. We are living in Geneva. My wife was diagnosed with a aggressive breast cancer last december while being 5 weeks pregnant.
Prognosis is good. Negative lymph nodes and nothing in the margin of the tumour when it was removed. She is on cycle 5 of chemo with Taxoter. Life is hell. We are arguing all the time. She is nagging at me all the time about me not be a good support and not taking my responsibilities. On my side I have being trying my best to support her as much as possible. Even forgetting about me. I realized that last week that I needed to take some time for myself and I believed that she understood. Her mother is now visiting from Sweden and she is also nagging at me. I had to step outiside today needing to get my breath back. I am so tired and emotionally shocked I saw no other action but to see a friend. She did not want to let me go. Called friends to see if I should step outside. They all encouraged me to do so. What happened was terrible before I shut the door. Her Mom started at me then her then I simply could not hear those aggressive and shouting voices anymore. I left. While walking down the stairs I heard glass breaking and extreme screaming. It hurt me so much but I knew I had to walk out on this one.
Have been talking with a friend for the past hour. I am now in a public library writing this mail. In a hour I will meet a cancer league volonteer and at 19h00 a shrink. Indeed I was told all this could help. I try figure out what I have done wrong here and I simply get depressed. Cancer is hard for the patient but emotionally also terrible for the husband/partner.
There are of course many other factors in our past, present and futur that I should mention here but I don't have the energy.
Any advice is welcome. Thanks for reading my words.
Philip

Phil, you’re not wrong in seeking to remove yourself as the punching bag for your wife & mother in law. Attempt to speak with them (one at a time) and make clear that there is only so much you can do. Tell them each in clear terms that you will not be yelled at. Breaking glass and tantrums helps no one. It’s OK to have them, but one must then acknowledge that they’ve had one and apologize where appropriate.

In short, you didn’t give your wife cancer. That fact that she has it doesn’t give her the right to treat you like a piece of dirt. My wife was 35 when first diagnosed. I have to say I can’t believe many people could handle it better than she has. That’s not to say there aren’t ‘crabby’ moments, etc. After over 2 years of treatment, I recently had to scream at her to get the message through that I’ll only take so much. I don’t yell at her, and I expect the same respect I give her to be given to me.

Give her time to adjust, and hopefully she’ll see that beating you up won’t help her at all.

Good Luck