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Question: What do you do when as a care giver, new friends are causing triggers for rapid cycling? My boy friend of 3 years is rapid cycling, on meds,and a recovering alcoholic of 15 months sober. I have been through H*LL and back as I am sure all care givers go thru. His cycling has become more stabalizied on the meds for 2 years ...until he met a new group of friends where he works. They are irresponsible partyers.I have never met them because he says they party too hard for me. He has become raging manic, staying out all night etc. I did not live through hell to let someone who doesn't understand bipolar to undo all that we have accomplished. Do I try to talk and explain to them? They don't understand that he makes poor decisions when he is like this and that I am not just being overprotective. Because of the recent episodes, trying to explain that they are a terrible influence, he just can't see right now. Do I go to them with medical info, or what? Please, Someone out there has had to have dealt with this. Any suggestions would be appreciated before I lose what I have worked so very lovinginly over.
This message has been edited. Last edited by: punky,
As a caregiver myself I understand why you are trying to control your boyfriend's relationships. There is real risk here and real problems result, I get it. But please understand that only your boyfriend has control over who he associates with. You do not have control here and any attempt to control something other than yourself will result in frustration, anger, resentment, and many other feelings that you can read about in any forum such as this.
I read in some medical research journal that the lifespans of caregivers are shortened in comparison to non-caregivers. Your boyfriend is shortening your lifespan. You have to take care of yourself.
I also understand from personal experience that you want to help, and that he doesn't get the connection between these friends and his change. What has yielded the most success with me and my bipolar husband is focusing on our life goals and values as well as hard facts. He is an intelligent man, and bipolar doesn't change that. Just ask the doctors. But his judgment can be clouded, so we stick to observable, measurable, identifiable facts. If this is the way that he wants to run his life, then that's his choice. It is inappropriate for me to say otherwise. But when he looks at the little that he has achieved at this life and feels dissatisfied, then HE wants change and that will make all the difference.
In the meantime, hunker down and take care of yourself.
