Bipolar Depression

I discovered this site a few weeks ago. Have found others to be less than helpful. My soon-to-be 21 yo dtr. has been diagnosed with Mood disorder NOS.
I am a psychiatric social worker in an ER. I am fairly sure it is Bipolar II. She has been doing well having just moved back in with our family over the summer--taking classes and a good job in the ER where I work.
Over Xmas she got sick. This triggered an episode. She typically has a hard time in January anyway.
She refuses to take medication. Most concerning, she has meet an older man on the internet and has purchased a ticket to go to Canada over spring break to stay in his home. I have tried everything to plead to her not to do this and pointed out statistics on the risks. We have offered to send her anywhere else on her vacation. We have even spoken to him and he is obviously loving the fact he has a young girl coming to see him (his wife just left him for another man).
I think I have found a way to cancel her flight. I am hesitant to do this as she is so angry at me right now that I am not supportive of her effort to be "her own woman". (he is feeding her some of this too).
Should I do everything in my power to stop her even though she will hate me for it?

absolutely,
being a parent the last thing we want is to watch our children make mistakes and do nothing about them.if you really feel this guy is a mistake them yes,do what you have to.it does sound like it is.i've been in your shoes.but it was my wife,not daughter.being a social worker,you know how hard it will be for to you get through to her.if she is in a manic state,reason is not an option.time is something you do have at this point.she's not leaving till spring.work on her meds.get her stable.if you succed there,she will hopefully see whats going on.

in the mean time also work on getting this guy out of the picture.what worked for was telling the guy "you want her,you got her",but i added"she comes with bills and kids,all of which you will share responcibilty". he bailed out. sometimes i feel stupid for that.
now you dont have that option,but you may have another form of persuasion.you know your daughter.

momof3,

wow. this is a really hard one. I nearly always agree with rob's excellent advice on this forum but not sure if I do this time.

First there is the age thing. She is nearly 21. Hard as it is there is a point where you have to let your kids be what they are and take them at whatever that is no matter how much you may disagree and how much your wisdom tells you they are making mistakes. They are adults and they need to find their own way. Ultimately she can and will do this thing that may well be a mistake no matter what you think or do. If you continue to protest, you relationship with her is likely to be damaged beyond repair for many years. Is that worth it? Adults are adults and they do what they want despite their parents wishes. Did you do everything your parents wanted? In addition you being to active in preventing this may cause her to find a way you cannot prevent instead of possibly coming to her senses by possibly listening to you.

Second there is the bipolar thing. In my own experience with a bipolar ex wife, I may have kept her from manifesting serious symptoms for maybe 15-20 years through various combinations of my refusals to cooperate, kindness, stubbornness, supportiveness, etc. At the time I didnt know she was bipolar. Did it work? Well possibly for a while. But eventually she left to be able to do those things that manifested her symptoms without my interference. Her life subsequently spiraled downward through losing several jobs, to disability, to institutionalization. Could I have done anything to prevent all this? Probably not. Did I delay it? Possibly although that is not totally clear - she may have been getting progressively worse despite any efforts I made. I expect the only possible route for success for a bipolar is for them to recognize their illness themselves and get appropriate medical treatment and stay on it. I doubt that having someone who cares about them take control of their lives accomplishes anything except destroying their relationship with that person and possibly delaying the ultimate.

So I guess I think you should make your thoughts and fears clearly known to your daughter in a way that you think she understands. And then leave it at that. Not sure you can realistically really do much more anyway. Hard to accept that its in her control and not something you can do anything about. But thats what it may be.

while it is true she is 21,an adult,all of here know the mentallity of one in a manic state is that of a teenager.hardely an adult.
age aside and bp or not its still your daughter.as parents we get those gut feelings.i do adree with letting her see her own mistakes.but at what cost?we are talking about a young girl,confused going to anojther country(yes canada is another country) to be with a complete stranger.it would worry even parents of any child.

i supposed what you would have to look at would be your daughters past decision making.has she made bad choices already?

as i said you do have some time here.perhasp if she is "hell bent" seeing him,suggest he comes here.you meet him,atleast you will know where she is.

i dont have to remind anyone of the dangers of a young woman going to a foriegn country and hooking up with strangers(holloway story).

I'm confused as to how you can legally prevent her from flying, short of a court order and taking legal custodial rights.

Having an adult son with bipolar disorder I can say my plans, ambitions, and hopes for him have changed considerably over the years. No matter what I do, how protective I am, he'll put himself in harm's way. It's just the way he is. Given this, I want nothing more for him than happiness. Of course, happiness that doesn't come with a risk to others or himself.

You have to do what you have to do as a parent, and I admit that I would be looking for any way to stop this if it were my daughter.

I wish you the best on this, it's an unpleasant scenario to face.