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In August, after 34 years of marriage, my husband revealed that he has a sexual addiction. Being in shock, I did a lot of research and he told me he was 'suppressing' it for the next months. In December, he came home and announced he had found my 'replacement', a 38 year old woman. (He is 59). He was tired of the fighting and wanted out. Then he four days later he went on this crying binge. Saying he didn't really want the woman. According to him, he has only said hi to her three or four times but he got it into his head that since she was divorced, he could pursue. His addiction has manifested in his pursuing women but he really doesn't want the sex part. Just the affirmation! To further complicate matters, he had memories resurface from childhood and sexual abuse from his mother. His acting out is directily tied into what his mother did. For our entire marriage, he seems to have been manic. Working, rebuilding houses, coaching three teams at once! Never home. As the years went by, his anger and hostility towards me grew. We have six children and the last in going to college in August. I have been home raising our children for 34 years. This last year has been one from hell. His acting out has gone out of control. Suddenly I find that the life I planned after my children are gone won't exist. I feel like I don't exist. Who am I? A person who has tried to 'fix' him! Since December, he has continued to act out but told me he was changed! A new man! He was lying. He has been to 9 therapists in four years and lied to all of them. In January, I got him to a pdoc and he was diagnosed with BP 2. He is on Seroquel. I believe he has an addiction to lying as well. On Sunday, I could not take any more and I asked him to leave. So I am trying to sort through the three issues and cannot tell what stems from what. Are bipolars pathological liars? Has he had 34 years of hypersexuality? Will the medicine help? Is this sex addiction an entirely separate issue. He is going to a special two week intensive 'course' at a place called Sexual Recovery Institute in California. They say it is just a beginning. Not a cure. Where does the bipolar fit into all this?
Pathological lying is not a symptom of Bipolar. It is though, from what I understand, a possible symptom of a Personality Disorder. The hypersexuality is a symptom of mania but sex addiction is a behavioral/personality issue. It seems that your husband not only has Bipolar as he was diagnosed but he may have a behavioral disorder, personality disorder, PTSD running alongside it (I am not a dr by the way). Only his pdoc can diagnose these things and can tell you if this is what he/she sees. Course, the pdoc can only go by what your husband tells him or doesn't tell him. Can you speak with his pdoc? Did your husband give permission for you to speak with the dr.? Also, BP is not fixable but can be managed with the proper meds which may take a while to figure out and the personality issues would be helped with some form of cognitive or DB therapy but he'd have to stick with a therapist.
