Bipolar Depression

Lucy, you are too young to have to deal with these issues. you'll have enough to deal with in this life soon enough. get on with life and have some fun while you still can.

Good luck.

I just found this board and it has been very informative. My husband has recently been diagnosed with bipolar (1yr). We have been married for 8yrs. I discovered early (6mos) into our marriage that my husband abused pills and alcohol. He has been in & out of treatment about 16 times, off & on AA...always relapses. Now the bipolar diagnosis. We have been seperated for 1yr as I couldn't take the relapses. My husband is on lithium, seroquel and 2 other meds as treatment. I see him about 2-3 times per month and he is not the same person. He is slow in movement, speech and thought. His has a hard time keeping his eyes open. I think he is either over medicating himself or has been prescribed too much. He thinks I am exaggerating and picking on him. My gut tells me he is an addict who has just found an acceptable label in order to self medicate and not have to feel much of anything. He has always been quick to take medication for whatever ailment he might have. I just think he likes to be medicated..am I crazy?

Greetings,

You may be right about your husband wanting to self-medicate. I have bipolar, being diagnosed with it since June, 1982. I have run the gamut of being undermedicated to being overmedicated, to seeking comfort in drugs and alcohol - all in an attempt to get rid of the awful symptoms of bipolar, either the manic phase or the depressive phase. Although, when I am manic, I like the feeling, and I am less inclined to take medication when I am manic. The one exception to this is when I feel irritable mania. Then I want meds to take away the irritability.

Your husband may well be overly medicated, just by taking the medications that have been prescribed to him. Or, he could be taking more than he is supposed to, to put him into a non-feeling state. Most doctors, these days, are not into over medicating their patients. Many years ago, that kind of thing was prevalent, but not so much these days. Your husband could be taking his meds as prescribed and also drinking and/or doing drugs (prescribed or not) to get to a feeling of nothingness.

When you feel like you are out of control of your emotions, you want to do everything you can to re-gain that control. Sometimes, it means you end up overdoing it to the point that you feel nothing.

Whatever the case, your husband should not be so doped up. It would appear that he may be over-medicating himself, if he is always dull and lifeless when you are around him. Have you thought of going to one of his counseling sessions with him, so that you can tell his therapist what you see?

I take medication every day for bipolar, which includes Cymbalta, Seroquel and Lamictal. I just started the Seroquel, so I am not sure how it is going to affect me just yet.

Your perception of your husband wanting to take pills for any malady he experiences, is probably right on the money. We are in such a state in our society, in which we think we can cure all the evils of the world with pills and medication. I do believe that medications are helpful, but they should be used in conjunction with cognitive behavioral therapy, counseling, proper diet, exercise and good sleep habits.

I wish you the best with your husband. If you can, encourage him to register on this site, so that he can read what others have to say. He may recognize himself in one of the others' posts.

Warm thoughts and peace to you,

Kay

Kay, thank you for your thoughts...My husband doesn't go to therapy...he attends AA, which he has off & on for years. He stuggled with the thoughts that he really wasn't like "those people" and always relapsed. Now with the bipolar, he seems content with the way he is and says the meds help him. I don't want to interfer if he is ok with how things are. The problem is that I'm not ok with it. I wasn't and am not consulted on the treatment but yet he thinks he will be moving back home soon. Everytime I try to discuss the subject, he gets defensive and says when I get my medical license, he will listen to me. I didn't sign up for this and had no idea he had addiction problems prior to our marriage...you are correct about our society that wants to take a pill to fix all. He certainly falls into that category. I am the polar opposite of that. I am a firm believer in the power of behavior modification. He wants the easy fix. I struggle with the "death do us part". We can't even have any kind of conversation except for superfical talk. He is a non compliant diabetic also. He is a good person and it makes me sad as I know what he is capable of. He has said before that being sober and feeling feelings is very painful. He now has permission from a psychiatrist not to feel those feelings...Thanks again for your insight and listening...

Bubba,
I myself kept going through the same emotions. I tried to reason in my own mind and cinvince myself that with the meds and love things would get better. They do for awhile and your hope soars. You begin to build the relationship back up. All the hope, promises of a good life,etc. Things seldom change. The lies, the deception. I finally ask myself if I wanted to live this way over and over. Finally, I forced myself (with the aid of a therapist, friens and family) to remove myself from the situation. I have finally excepted the facts. My BP SO is so involved in himself, so self absorbed, that all he sees is what he wants and what is "good" for him. He continues to try to be in my life and plays a good role of changing for the better but all the problems (drinking, internet liasons, internet porn) are still actively pursued behind my back. I decided that I couldn't live a life with boundries and rules was not for me. He tells me that he loves me, but all the while he pursues anything and everything that will destroy our relationship. I don't know if he is capable of understanding the pain he causes me. I don't think he really cares, Finally I chose myself and my own mental health over the life I was living. We still talk and have dinner on occasion. I have to remember that the charming, fun guy across the table from me is just visiting and the real man with all the anger and resentment is just under the skin trying to get out. I wonder if he draws strenth from knowing he could control me. I am finally in a place that I can be there for him from a distance, but on my terms now. Loving a BP is hard work with few rewards. Some can endure it. I can't. I have a life now that I can be proud of. I am responsible for my actions and mine alone. It took 4 years of scratching and clawing but that peron finally fought their way out. I can't go back. Please take care of yourself. Please remember the person you once were before this relationship and find the strenth to love yourself again. We didn't ask for this life, but we can take control of it. I am so sorry for your situation. Bubba, take care and be strong. We have all been through similar situations and if you need to talk one remember someone is listening and feels your pain. Have a good weekend and do something for yourself.

Hello everyone.
I'm new to this and I'm writing from Portugal.
The reason I joined this forums was because like many of you here, I've been in a relationship with someone that, hasn't been diagnosed with Bipolar, but has all the symptoms and behaviours of someone who suffers from it.
To cut things short, I've been with her for 4 years...or should I say was ? One month ago she just said to me that I disgusted her and started to act strange. In all these years with her I noticed some mood swings, some more extreme than others, ranging from deep depression, to manic episodes where she would have all the energy in the world...
I never thought that something was wrong with her...most of us have mood swings anyway and since her parents didn't care much, there was nothing apparently to worry about.
But for the past year things have changed gradually...she became more...let's say aggressive (verbally but she has been physically too in the past...)...

I couldn't say anything, couldn't support her without having a storm falling down on me.
I tried to be supportive, to give her space she needed but nothing was good enough for her.

6 months ago I discovered that she cheated on me with...my best friend (should I say enemy now ?). She lied, created a whole web of lies just to keep me in the dark of the whole thing...

Even so I forgave her...I thought "everyone makes mistakes"...I'm no saint either...no one is but cheating is not part of who I am.
Still I tried to forget and to continue my life with her...
Everything continued smoothly for some time, until recently we made a trip to the south of Portugal. I started to be suspicious because she turned off her mobile phone saying "I don't want anyone to disturb us"...still I thought "Maybe she's right"...
Then it was the fear of me grabing her phone, the fear of me seeing her e-mails, staying up to 5am saying that she was studying...the rage against me, the constant swining of emotions...

And then...all finished...she just cut her self off...
Days after she sent me an e-mail showing that she was sorry and for me not to "make a decision before talking to her"...it wasn't me that took the decision to leave...
I called her and we talked...but when I said I didn't want her to pick me up at the airport (I was for some weeks outside the country)...she just hang up on me and sent me a message saying to leave her alone...

And so I did...just giving her some space...
The next week we had a fight because she wrote some nasty things on a website about me...saying that she loved my ex-best friend and that everything was empty before she met him...
After the fight, she still tried to add her self up to my MSN account...I accepted...she stayed online 5 minutes just to see what I had in my topic...and then just blocked me again

Now she hasn't said anything for weeks...for her I'm the enemy, she hates me for having female friends...she hates me for caring...she hates me for loving her...

I tried...to be honest I tried to get the things work out the best way...we were engaged...soon to be married...on that e-mail she said the marrige was everything she wanted and she didn't knew why she did that...that she didn't understand...and then she just kicked me out again...

Sorry for this long post...just to say that I love her, that I want to be with her but I can't stand it anymore... I don't want to be part of a love triangle...I don't want to be treated like trash when not needed...
I have a depression because of that...severe stomach problems and I just want to be happy...

I have nothing against people with this disease, I know it must be difficult for them...but it's too hard to be rejected and be treated like a complete stranger...without even a valid reason for it...


Greetings from Portugal

This message has been edited. Last edited by: ki82,

I just recently got in a relationship with someone who is bipolar...


We have already been through some things.
I know that they care about me because they told me they do, and I believe them.
Everything was good until one morning I
did something wrong and apologized...

I had my problems and they have been talked about between us and now
we are fine but,
they just mean as H*** now days.
When we first started talking it was okay
that I liked attention now, they get mad
about little things and irritated at night..

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

How do I try to make this work?

Is this just a mood?

I LOVE THEM!

Hi, my husband i believe is bi-polar...we separated for 3 months but recently got back together... i cannot believe how much this forum sounds like our marriage...so glad i'm not alone in his mania/ rage outbursts... he just had one last night, and it's been a while since he's had one...well i say a while a week...he's just so nice when he's normal and then when something triggers it he's goes off...i really want him to start treatment...

Hi everyone,

I guess i'm here because i'm in the same position as everyone else....i am in a relationship with someone who has bi-polar.

Now this person has been my best friend for 13years.....and we tried dating about 8yrs ago, but as i now find he had a manic episode where he was close to committing suicide.

At the time i was heartbroken because i was in love with him, but i didn't understand until recently reflecting on that time....that it was not my fault nor his, it was his bi-polar.

He was awful to me, he went from being my best friend, the closest person in my life and the only man in my life who i knew treated me with respect. To this hurtful, selfish, cold- hearted person i didn't know anymore......it was very much like Jeckyll & Hyde.

At that time he moved back from uni and took on my lease of the apartment when i moved out, before then he practically hung out at mine everytime he was down at weekends anyway. So when he moved in i was still very much there on a regular basis, and that's when we decided to fall into a relationship.

At the time we were both very young, he was in is early 20's and i am 3 yrs older than him.

But he kept disappearing for days, not answering the door, not answering his phone, we couldn't have sex as he struggled to get intimate or aroused.....and i thought it was because he didn't fancy me.

His mum & dad were going outta their minds with worry and at times i had to tell them he won't come to the door to talk to them....which even to this day i think his dad hasn't forgiven me for.

Then he became verbally abusive, he'd tell me to f*@k off, accused me of constantly tracking him down.....it was heartbreaking to hear and painful to have to go thru....and those fears of what i went thru with him then are still apparent now.

His parents eventually got him to go live with them and he got better, and he has at times told me that by not letting him push me away and standing my ground, it has been his saving grace.

So we remainded friends and i guess that episode brought us even closer, until last year.

See i have always loved him, but because he said he would never step over the friendship line again, i took it that he actually meant it. And for years i harboured my feelings for him, and we both dated other people.

Then something changed, last year, and we started becoming closer again.

We are both musicians and one of our band mates got married, and we went to the wedding together, and i thought nothing of it, even with his suggestion of sharing a room to cut costs.....even tho secretly i was elated about sharing a room with him.

The weekend was amazing, it was proper me & him time, and neither of us wanted to go home afterwards, nothing happened physically, but the electricity between us was at times unbearable.

And from that weekend, we changed.....at the time we were both in relationships....but they fizzled out....and soon we were inseparable again, still only platonically.

Then finally down to mutual friends playing cupid, and our random drunken passionate snogging sessions......we finally decided to give it another go.

However.....that was 5 months ago......and it was only until december last year that he told me that he had bi-polar.......and at the time i thought well...yeah...that makes sense and thought nothing of it.....as at the time, we told each other that we loved each other and had done all thru our friendship.....and he seemed happy and normal.

So not only were we trying to find our feet emotionally from being friends to lovers.....but i am now starting to discover the realism of being in a relationship with someone with bi-polar.

And it's heart wrenching.

I love him, and there is no doubt in my mind that he loves me, but over the past 2/3 months he's been playing up again......and the fear i felt from dating him 1st time around had crept back and i'm scared.

He was due to start a new job in January, but his start date got held back, and he had to result to working mixed day and nite shifts, and it has made it hard to see and spend quality time together.

He's started 'shutting me out' and even tho i avoided it like the plague......we needed to talk.....because i was taking his negative behaviour towards me personally...and he was hurting me.

He was constantly tired, run down, and wouldn't return my calls or texts.

I was afraid that i was losing him again and i didn't know why.

So i made him talk to me.......and this is what he said:

he was confused about his feelings(even tho he'd told me he loved me and had done thru-out our friendship)

he said he didn't think he could handle a relationship and he was scared to open up and love again, as he feared i'd become an emotional crutch....and he'd set his defence mechanisms up to cope with everyday life....and he was scared of it would affect him if we broke up.

So i thought i was doing him a favour by saying that if that was how he felt.....i was prepared to let him go, but it wasn't cos i didn't love him.

And he had a weird mental breakdown in front of me, and that scared me, as i didn't know what to do!!

So i just held him........and told him that, i've been in your life for 13yrs and i've not gone anywhere, and i'm not going anywhere now.....and i'll always be there for you....i promised him i'd be there for him....and i meant it....i will always be there for him.

So he said he couldn't talk about 'us' anymore as his head was all over the place....and it was like a swarm of bees buzzing inside his head......

So we went to bed, and i though it was all over between us, as i felt i had had no closure or reassurance from him of where we were headed.

But in bed, he held me soo tightly.....and kept looking at me to see if i was asleep, then i'd ask him what was the matter, he said nothing, and he'd turn his head away......then this went on for about half an hour...

Niether of us could sleep......so we just looked at each other for a bit.....tenderly stroking each other's faces....and we made love.

Afterwards he was back to normal.....happy....chatty....as if the talk hadn't happened?!?

That was last week.

So this is how i feel now.......i know that he loves me, that is what i needed to know.

His actions, and the conversation that we had has helped me to understand him more and his mood swings......

I am now looking up & researching bi-polar, so that i am better equipped to deal with whatever is going happen in the future for us as a relationship.......

I know it is giong to be hard work.

And i know at times i will question whether he loves me and whether i am strong enough to deal with being in love with someone who has bi-polar.

We both want kids and marriage in the future, and i'd like to do both of them with him....but i know we have a long way to go.

I believe love got us to where we are now and i hope it will carry us thru a life together, with each other.

This is my story...so far....of a young woman in love with someone who has bi-polar, and this is new to me.....i need help......and i welcome any support and encouraging words of wisdom & advice from those of you who are many steps ahead of me.

Thank you for your time to read this.x

I just wanted to add my experiences.

I have been with a woman who is 37 for the last 9 months and she is bipolar.

She has two small children, 2 and 4, and when we met we were both married.

She spent many years working as a mental care health worker and as a result refuses to even look at the possibility of medication.

When we first met I fell for her and she for me, we had been in e-mail contact for quite some time. I did not intend to have an affair and went back to my wife - the calls, texts and e-mails followed constantly despite requests to leave me alone.

She left her husband and started divorce proceedings.

I would go back to her and then back to my wife until I eventually made myself extremely ill and was committed to a mental hospital.

Why did I end up being committed? because I finally acknowledged my marriage was over and told this woman that I loved her.

But according to her is was too late and she changed her telephone numbers and cut contact with me advising me that if I turned up on her doorstep she would call the police. It was too late and we would never be together.

I suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder and Depression.

During my time in hospital she spoke to me a great deal and before I was admitted let me stay with her and the children so that I was not on my own. "just as friends" but it turned out tp be just friends who have sex.

In hospital she was supportive but unknown to me she had started dating someone else.
I was in hospital for a month and a week before I was discharged after many many conversations she told me she loved me.

I spent Christmas with the family and since then effectively we lived together - I would spend 4 days a week living as her partner and a father to her children, whom I adore, and 3 days in my own flat quite some distance away.

I knew she was bipolar before we started to date - she told me and apparently i was the first person she had ever told - as a result she told her family - so something positive came out of it.

During this time we were happy although she would be very sensitive and was obsessed with the fact that woman were trying to pick me up all the time - which is utter rubbish.

I came home one night ill and decided to crash out in my flat - I told her what I was doing and spoke to her and then slept for 12 hours. She didn't believe me.

On so many occasions she would say hurtful things to me - compare me to ex-boyfriends and then the next moment tell me how happy she was and how much she lovced me. How she would love me forever no matter what and how she knew she could be terrible but I was so patient and caring.

When she is down she will self harm by putting needles into her gums or between her toes - places where people can't see. She explained to me once that she did this as she couldn't feel anything sometimes.

eventually she told me about the guy she had been dating whilst I was in hospital and that she had realised how much she loved me when they were about to have sex for the first time?
After reading so much on this site I am not so sure about that.

Four weeks ago we had the best day ever as a family it was perfect and the happiness shone from all of us.

6 days later it is over. Why? we had an argument I was depressed and needing a little TLC and was told to pull myself together and stop being childish. I was hugely upset and took my things and left.

Later that day, as I had heard nothing from her and cooled off, I rang and apologised but it was too late.

She blocked off all my e-mail addresses and refused to speak to me.

Then she joined a dating site, looking just for friends. I joined and asked her what she was doing she had told me she needed to sort herself out for a while but still loved me.

Her response was she was looking for me - I told her she had found me and what now? None of my business I was told.

The profile disappeared and and new one came up called the fugitive which told people I was stalking her.

Conversation picked up - the children were missing me and I missed them very much. She agreed it would be a good idea if I came to see them. She rang regularly to check I was ok because I was depressed.

She had made me promise in the past that if things went wrong between us I would still see the boys as they loved me and I them.

A day later and she became convinced that I was only seeing the children to get back to her. I was upset and asked her what the hell was going on - to me that was tantamount to saying that I was using the children as pawns in a game.

I finally started to research bipolar at this stage as it really started to dawn on me how irrational her behaviour was.

I wrote to her through the site and told her I loved her, would be there for her, was researching bipolar and knew that this wasn't her at the moment, I would wait for her.

As a result I refused an abusive call, children crying in the background, with her screaming down the phone at me that I was stalking her, she would go to the police, she had spoken to the kids school and given my description so that if I turned up they were to call the police and that she wasn't ill.

She changed her phone number.

Since then I have heard nothing - the only thing that has happened since is that our one mutual, male friend refuses now to speak to me and I lie awake worrying about what has been said or has happened between them.

I suppose that I should be grateful to have had a narrow escape but I truely love the woman and just cannot get my head around how cruel she is being especially as I putmy entire life into the area where she lives - so much so that I have no life and spend all my time alone where I live now.

I know I am on the way to hospital again - I don't stop crying and can't function anymore.I blame myself for all of this and now just see that it is all my fault as her bipolar drove her to be like this and I wasn't understanding enough.

I pray that I will see her again but I think in my heart I know she is gone now.

Sorry to ramble so much and thank you for taking the time to read this - it is destroying me.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Pumice,

I'm so glad I found this site... I think its possible my boyfriend has bipolar and no one see's it but me. I've been with him for a year, I love him with all my heart, but I've never been so confused or cried so much. One day he loves me with all his heart and he can't get enough of me, he'll tell me I'm the best thing that ever happened to him- then he gets in one of his moods and every mistake I've ever made is all he can talk about. He talks about how horrible I am, and no matter how much I try to avoid an argument he pushes every button til I lash out on him and I end up crying myself to sleep. He used to be so good to me and he's changed so much lately. His older brother and older sister have bipolar, but he refuses to get checked by a doctor or talk to a therapist. I love him with all my heart and feel if he could get treatment we could fight this together, but how do I get him to the doctor? And what if I'm wrong? How do I know for sure? I need someone to talk to, someone who is going through this as well....

Hi Felicia!
You need to read: I Hate you , Don't Leave Me!
I'm reading it right now. Knowledge is power for you and will help you to make the right decisions. What I can tell you about bipolar is that is is devasting! I'd rather that my child had cancer because at least then she would have the sympathy and support from my family that she needs instead of judgement and being cut off from all of her family and friends. It is a never ending nightmare that only gets worse with time. The only peace that I have finally found is allowing her to go and praying for her. I know she may end up dead, or a drug addict, but trying to save her has nearly ended in my own death. I realize that I cannot help someone who does not want help, not even my own daughter, I had to let her go and pray she comes back to me for help one day.

Hi everyone. I find alot of your stories very similar to mine. My girlfriend suffered from bipolar disorder her entire life. I am 18 and she is 17 (soon to be 18 too) She and I have been together for 8 months. I love her with everybit of my heart mind and soul. Her "ups" usually last a few weeks and then her "downs" tend to last a week at most. During her "ups" she is the perfect girlfriend and loves me as i love her and cant get enough of me. She makes future plans with me and tells me she will love me forever. Then when she gets down, she becomes "confused" and unsure that she wants to be with me. She even left me once for this reason but came back when she "realized how much she loves me" and apoligized and said it was the worst mistake she ever made. But still, when she is down she becomes cold and wont even tell me she loves me.
She and I live 70 miles away and my parents are very unsupportive and tell me that im throwing my life away by loving her. getting to see her is a challenge and i usually get to about once a week at most. My family and friends all tell me I deserve better, but i disagree. I think she is the most wonderfull girl on the face of the earth and feel lucky to have her. I never hold it against her that she is bipolar and I love her the same no matter what her mood is. I dont judge her or blame her for her illness. Recently I got a fulltime job to support our plans to move out together when she turns 18 in 6 weeks.
The reason why i ask for help is i want to know which one is really her. I want to know which side is the real her so I can help her realize what she really wants and help her to do what is right. Is she thinking clearly on her ups? or her downs? or neither? Right now she is on a down and pretty much on the brink of leaving me again. Although she says she wont i can feel how distant she is, when just a week ago i asked her to marry me and she said yes and was the most happy content person on the face of the earth. Now she says she is unsure and put the ring away until she is ready to make that commitment. I always will love her and no matter how many times she will break my heart i feel like being there for her is the right thing to do.
all advice and help would be greatly appreciated
thanks

Hello,, well, to answer your question, BOTH of the personalities are her. One is her in mania and the other is her in depression. Neither of these personalities is her in her natural state. For that, you will have to get her to a shrink and on meds, stabilized and see who she is then. Untreated BP gets worse with age. It's called the "kindling" effect, so get her on meds ASAP. This is a difficult road you have chosen, especially if you decide to have children with her. She could come home one day and suddenly decide she no longer desires to be a wife and mother, take up with some guy and leave you with the kids. I've read this has happened to others. Your kids could inherit the BP disease also.

Good luck to you.

I have recently become involved with a man, whom Ive fallen in love with after a short time..only a couple of month! he recently told me he has bipolar and that he'd understand if I wanted to just be friends etc, but Ive not felt the way i do for him about anyone before and im reluctant to give him up and want to get over this. My problem is my last relationship was abusive and I have two children to think about who are 10 and 6. I love this man but will always put my kids first as they have been through so much with their dads abusiveness..my ex! anyway, my current boyfriend has two kids too and is a great dad but his ex left him because he was such a burdon, and this has made him a bit insecure..i feel that through time and love we can get over this and he will trust me and believe me when I say how gorgeous etc i think he is but I am worried about the violence issue with bipolar, he assures me that at worst he takes everyones problems on and gets depressed..nothing more and that he always picks himself back up..I need some advice, and reassurance, Ive read up on bipolar disorder and really am not sure what to think..any help would be appreciated..is it possible to love this man, be happy and safe and help him overcome this?