Bipolar Depression

LADIES;

Thank you, Thank youu.. so much. Even though i am not with my boyfriend anymore, we are good friends when he's normal, once he's on a maniac episode he can't let go of me, so that's when i come back to the site and read your posts. i still love him, but i want a partner, a man, not a sick person that I have to care for life. It was so hard for me to let him go, but coming and reading your comments was theraphy for me, thank you.

p.s. what with the hypersexual and nonsexual for months, is this thruth or just an excuse to be unfaithful

It was true with my soon to be X wife, she had a string of affairs and one night stands with everyone she had ever been with, and would also go weeks on end without sex.

She once told me she lost count after 200 sexual partners.

Thats just my experience, I'm getting divorced because all the affairs were just too much for me, (which I did not find out about until the last one.

I deserve better

For years I was misdiagnosed and treated for depression. Only recently, I started working with a new doc who through extensive questioning and a complete family history diagnosed BP. It has literally changed my life. Although the Depression meds made me feel better, they were not the complete treatment I needed. I can tell you that, looking back, my BP has affected (and sometimes)damaged every thing I did. Thankfully, I am married to a wonderful woman who put up with my illness, not really understanding what I was going through. Our 35th Anniversary is next year, and I love her dearly. She has withstood my episodes of spending (I've ruined us financially several times). My rages, which thankfully never resulted in physical harm, my sexual ups and downs... yes I was unfaithful, my repeated job hopping, and the day to day uncertainty of who she was married to on any given day. I alienated my children through verbal abuse but Thank God, never physical. My meds are working and I am thankful every day that I found a doc who recognized the deeper symptoms and put me on the road to controlling my life. I know I have a lot ahead of me, but I can see from the reactions of those I love that I'm on the right track. Things don't change over-night but I am now working hard to repair the relationships that are important to me. I have been honest with my kids (the youngest is 21) and have the best relationship with them I can remember. Maybe my level of illness is not as bad as some of the posts I've read and I am sorry for the things you are going through, but without the Love and support of my wife, I believe things could have been much worse. Far be it for me to tell anyone how to live their lives or to offer advice to others concerning their relationships. All I can offer is a shred of hope that properly diagnosed, there is help for this illness. I only wish I could have the years back. Lord only knows what would be different.

WOW! I just found out about a week after my live-in boyfriend/fiance of 2.5 years left me based on several irrational reasons is bipolar. And he never told me nor will he admit it to his family. We always built our relationship on trust and he always told me he wants to be honest with me, I feel betrayed. His sisters thought I knew and thought he took his medication all this time, I never see him take any. His ex-wife told his siblings after she found out in a marriage counseling session and shortly after that he left her. I am his third failed engagement and he has one failed marriage, always blamming the other person and always seems to walk out with no problem and claims to never come back. He has a very subborn, always right, aggressive, outgoing, social, and passionate personailty. He is incrediable at his job and has done the same thing for about 10 years. It hurts that he didn't tell me about this illness and that he made me feel that I was to blame for everything and that if I hadn't done what I did in our relationship maybe things would be different. It's hard to believe that he could leave so easily and not feel anything for me as he said he's no longer in love with me; after being practically obsessed with me for the whole 2 years, if feel left wondering how the hell could there be no feelings in him. He also self-medicates with drugs and spending and is also hypersexual. In one of his many "tirades" he even told me that maybe I may be bipolar and the whole time I never put 2 and 2 together until his sister called me saying she doesn't understand what happened between us. He led me to believe that he was just moving to his dad's temporarily and that we were going to work things out and get back to how we were in the beginning and then in 2 days he told me that he can't keep lying to himself and that he doesn't think he can get past everything that has happened. He feels as though I dissapointed him and that he is so stressed out and overwhelmed, I just wish I could have seen the signs and helped. I want to approach him and tell him that I know he has this and that I still love him so much and am willing to help him through this. But, his sister tells me that he won't even admit it to his family and that no one can help him but him. Everyone tells me to move on but I keep telling them that it's not so easy, and I wonder if it's just me but I feel that the passion that he had for most of relationship and this love that was so intense may be immpossible to find again. And how could it mean nothing to him and make it so easy for him to break away and have no communication with me for about 3 days. We have some financial ties together also which makes me a little leary of approaching him with this new info and willingness to set him off, any advice?

I am bipolar.
They say I am a genius in music, art, literature and mathematics. I come from a good family. But I have disgraced myself and hurt my children by acting out and getting a divorce. I would be manic and have an affair...I would seek comfort in the arms of anyone because i was so desperate and afraid one second, then crazy and interesting the next. I destroyed my family. I hurt my exhusband. He did his best. He was not without blame, yet he did his best. My children know much of my past, it hurts so much to remember the bad things I have done. I feel worst about sleeping around. I honestly could not control so much of what I did. I have been on about 15 different drugs, developed bone marrow dysplasia from Depakote, had to give up my beautiful children because I was too sick from the drugs...my life is so full of regret and pain and horrible memories of my failings. All I can say is I am thankful for Jesus. I do not understand why I have this, so much suffering, yet I am called to perservere.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by HUrt and confused:
It was true with my soon to be X wife, she had a string of affairs and one night stands with everyone she had ever been with, and would also go weeks on end without sex.

She once told me she lost count after 200 sexual partners.

HI. I am sorry this happened to you.
This is classic behavior.
Where does one differentiate between sin and mental illness? I struggle with this because I have BP and am a christian and reaaly try to follow Jesus.Yet there have been times when i was so screwed up it was impossible to do the right thing. And the crazy behavior doesn't exist in a vaccuum...it creates personality aberrations apart from the disease...in other words, if a normal person sleeps around, they become a different person...so when you mix mental illness, sin, bad behavior, denial, lying...it becomes horrible.

quote:

Originally posted by starr:
it's so nice to hear of couples working things out. My spouse left 3 months ago, mania has taken over. I pray that he will be ok, and someday see I am not the enemy, I love him with my whole heart and soul, if only he could of trusted me. We made a deal before we got married that if i saw erratic behavior he would trust me and get help.. that went right out the window.. I realize my part in all of this.. we have been through everything imaginable in the last year, death, our marriage, a big move, new jobs, stress stress stress, and I thought he was handling it all fine. Silly me. I just pray that he will come out of this ok and soon. How does other spouses cope with the abandonement... its heartwrenching. Thanks for being so open and honest in all your posts, you dont know how much it helps.

My husband has bipolar and he is moving out. I don't really have any advice since this is all new to me. I feel just the way you fel and It is heartwrnching. I am loosing the love of my life and no one can help me. The doctors can't make him and I can't make him no one can get more help. He does good when he is on his meds when he is off its the end of the world. I am so desperate and feel so alone. I know that I am not but it hurts so bad to loose a peice of your heart. We have 3 kids and they all are affected. I hope someone can give us some advice because I am at witts end!

I believe my wife is suffering from Bipolar disorder and I just found out she is having an affair. I guess I have known for a while that she was suffering from something but just thought it was her. Since I found out about her affair two weeks ago, I have been trying to figure things out. I went to my family doctor today, and told him of her symptoms and he stated that they are classic symptoms of Bipolar disorder. She has an appointment with him next week. I just hope it is not too late. She is presently considering leaving me and our 3 young children. We have been married for 15 years. I don't know what to do? I love her so much, and I know that this is not her...it is the disorder. Any advice would be appreciated.

I don't even know where to start...my husband is currently in a mental facility, just since Friday. I left him, hopefully temporarily, over a week ago because of all the accusations and suspiciousness. He has been diagnosed previously, but absolutely cannot stand the label of being bipolar. He has not taken his meds for 1 1/2 years and I was lying to everyone and letting them think he was. He is always right in every situation we encounter. We are in financial ruins because I cannot be truthful about bills and am deathly afraid to ask him for money. We are currently losing everything we've worked for. He is excellent at the job he does, but when he starts getting in an episode, is very flaky and just wants to have fun. I need some guidance...I'm at my wits end. I have children and am trying to get a protective order, just so if he gets out soon, he can't take my kids out of their school. I am not currently divorcing him, but I seriously don't know how much more "walking on eggshells" I can take. My children have seen so much and we actually had to leave the place I was staying, per the Sheriff, because he was on his way to rescue us from my parents, as he thought my dad was holding us hostage. I'm just sick about this and don't know where to turn. I can't even get information from the mental facility that he's in because of confidentiality. He seems to have way more rights than I do, at this point. Can anyone give me any guidance? I'm in desperate need of help, NOW!!!! Thanks for listening!!!!!

Hi , I needs someone's input , thought , ideas or suggestion. I am not sure if my boyfriend is bi-polar , but I have a feeling that he might be . Lately , I am not sure whether it has to do with stress ,but he is snapping for no reason & it scares me . I love him to death & I'm not sure what can it be . The symptons that I expierence with him makes me believe that he might be . Pls help

Hi Everyone... This is my first post. I have been with my fiance for 4 years now and I mamanged to discover in May this year that she is bipolar... I have lived a nightmare with this woman, the lies, the manipulation and she has almost destroyed me financially. In June she started receiving treatment and was showing such promise.

For the first time we knew what was wrong with her and we could do something about it. She really started improving but fell in the trap of blaming everything on her condition... Then in June she suffered a miscarriage and went into a major depression. With her getting worse daily we managed to get her admitted to our local specialist hospital. For 4 weeks she stabilised and even started glowing. The sad thing was that she started showing signs of an episode. When I mentioned something she had her family discharge her. She has now ended the engagement for the second time and has been really ugly. This is the 7th time in four years I have endured this and while I understand she is ill, it doesn't make things any less hurtful.

However, I do not condemn her, I blame her interfering family who out of guilt have tried to stage a comeback in her life. She is now in a home wher Dad is an alcoholic, Mom abuses perscription drugs and her brother and his best friend are both drug addicts. They have convinced her that it was drugs and not bipolar that is responsible for her condition. They are all in denail and when she finally destroys herself they will all point fingers at each other and that will not bring her back.

The ugliness and agression are hard to deal with plus there is no acceptance of her inappropriate actions. What has helped is the realisation is that BP is all about perception. We just have to identify our deal breakers and realise we cannot help those that are in denail or that dont want to be helped. I try be fair and realistic but at the end of the day, it still hurts having your loved one suffering the symptoms of this condition.

God Bless

I am new to this forum. I have read so many stories about living with a loved one with bi-polar...and I am a wife who loves her husband...and my husband has been diagnosed b/p. My family and some of my friends try to talk me into leaving him...and I can't. We have been married for 3 years now. He was diagnosed last year..after a very long and hard road!!! I have read about the lies, the affairs, the financial loss etc etc...but I have experienced some financial issues with my husband becuase when he is on his "high" he likes to spend money..and I have experienced the verbal abuse...horrible name calling and very horrible "experience" with that...but he is on his meds and I see him it take it daily...he sees his psychiatrist on a constant basis...I am just trying to learn how to live with b/p..It always take me saying that I am done with this before he realizes that something is wrong here..is meds have been increased...I feel like I am going "insane" but I am not going anywhere...nor is he...I see something in that him that I love beyond belief and I am willing to "deal" with all of our issues!!! I am not dealing with the other issues that I have read..I am dealing with "how to cope and live and recognize the issues" when should I have my say!?! or just back off???

Hi LucyLou,

I was having a bad night...woke up having a panic attack so I do what I usually do, look for answers. My story is long and sad as many that have posted here. I'm the spouse of a man with bi-polar disorder. This is a man I have known since I was four. We were highschool sweethearts, dating for over 14 years and married for almost 10. He was diagnosed over 5 years, although looking back his problems started back in highschool. My story is not unique. I have dealt with the lying, maniulation, money spending and affairs. Each manic cycle getting worse in terms of risk. He is highly functional so to the outside world (including his family) he is just a wonderful guy. Charming, very successful etc. Like everyone else, many a lie has been told regarding my actions and behaviors and I have had to deal with trying to "educate" friends and family about what is really going on. Based on my experience and from endless hours of reading, course work, therapy etc. this is what I know. The time will come that "I'm done" doesn't work anymore. There is nothing you can do to help this man unless he is a 100% full-time student of his bp. What that means is he is busting his ass to keep the monster in the cage. Medication compliance is a big part of it, but not by any means everything. A good b/p patient (sorry for the poor choice in words) is one that has been fortunate enough to finally get it. They are very self aware usually as the result of a lot of theraphy and a med program that is working for them. They work with family/friends when stable to make sure things are in-place in the event another episode occurs, minimizing the potential negatives that can occur. Hey some b/p folks are so clued in they know a cycle is coming weeks before it happens and turn over the credit cards.

When should you have your say? Well anytime BUT it will do no good unless he is stable. Trust me, while manic you trying to get your point across is about as effective as holding your breath til you turn blue. They won't get it, won't hear you and they don't care. It is the disease not the person but just as bloody frustrating. If you want to continue with this relationship the first thing you need to to do is get educated on the disorder. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. The odds for b/p relationships lasting are slim BUT not impossible. Don't let love lead you blindly. Keep your eyes open, put controls in place to protect yourself financially and get a good support network in place. Most important, do not lose you in the process. Always put you first.

I want to know if I am the only parent who has given up and how long the guilt lasts....and the agony of watching my grandkids suffer & knowing there is nothing I can do....

my boyfriend is bipolar. he barely ever calls me. he seems to only be interested in me when we're high and or naked. never talks to me at school. sees no reason to get to know me. our relationship cannot move forward if we're only sexual. i mean im only 15 and i know i wont marry him but its really frustrating. when he's manic its amazing and when he's feeling low i dont know how to help him. with him though its either up or down. he quit taking his meds cause it made him gain weight, so thats that i suppose. and he's shy. i just feel really unwanted. why are we together this is hell. urrg and yesterday i called him and he answered and said WHAT? wow... dont make me feel to special now. little things like that just get to me. i lost a lot of sleep last night.