Bipolar Depression

I have read all your comments, and i also have a relationship with someone with bipolar. my case in some level similar and very different from the rest. My boyfriend does not use any type of drugs, so this excuse does not apply to me. but in two years i have live in hell more than in heaven, so why stick with it. I love him, yes i do. It it worth it?, no. In two year, he had tell me that he still love his ex, and the first time he told me he went back with her, to come back to me in a two week period. His episode happens every month and they are rapid and fast, some time as turning the light off and on. this is call rapid cycle from deppresive to manic in one day. He's being on the same job for 19 years ready to retire with no money save for retirement because of his inability to budget his money. He's very responsible with bills and pay his rent on time, sometimes before due day. He had never manage to tell me that he love me, but cannot function without me, he said he feels something for me. When deppression kicks in he no longer feels for me, until he comes down, when he start harrassing me to go back with him. this happens every other month. He' impulsive, angry, honest, liar, good, caring, unsensitive to the point that he does not care about my feelings like i don't exist, goes for days without talking to me to calling me five times a day. So, it is worth it. Hell, no!, i want my life back, but I can't hurt him, sometimes I want to scream at him and be mean(which sometimes i am, but compare to his insults it's nothing). I keep a journal that have help me figure out when the next episode is about to come, deppresion kick in first isolation and non responsive. Than grandiose and feeling that every body is after him on the job because he's the best, sleep very little and eats a lot, very talkative and authority with others. I first told him about his illness in the beginning and he accepted that there was something not normal in his behavior, but he thinks he can control it. He can't, i't getting worse by the day. We just came from a spring break with the kids and I came home a few days earlier than him, i new what was comming. Ir's being five days he has not call. He'll call eventually. Bless you all and hope you find peace and happines in your life.

I'm new to writing on this site.Funny thing is I read it all the time but have gotten to the point that I really need some advise. My boyfriend is bipolar and at sometimes I feel like I'm going down the river with him. Please someone tell me what happens after being manic? My boyfriend acts like he is madly in love with me when he is manic-cant get enough of me. Then without warning this changes and I get nothing from him-he stops calling-stops all attention. He says all the common things like he doesnt understand why he does this--but my question-he has never been verbally abusive to me or shown me any part of being aggitated. Most of the post I read says that when they are manic they can be real sons-of-a-b's. This is the opposite of how he is with me. I am the obsession. I've read about hypersexuality and this is totally how it is. I know this sound horrible but I luv it when he is this way because when he comes down-I get nothing. When I say nothing-he still remains nice but conversations are very standoffish. We cant get past a certain point in our relationship because he shuts down. This has been going on for over a year. I know I should get while the gettings good-but he's got me under his skin and when he backs off or tells me its over (done this 3 times) I seem to spiral down too now. When he is manic he is sooooooooooo sexual at first it scared me. Now I can see it coming like a bulldozer and actually enjoy it. But it usually only last a few weeks, if that, and then its back to just being nice to me. Claims all the time he wishes things were different and he can see in his mind all of the things we could do together. Lately its gotten to the point that he wont see me at all and makes excuses for it. I'm starting to feel like I'm just one of his delusional dreams. Am I not real to him? Its so hard to know what is real and what isn't. Everything revolves around him and my feelings only matter to him when he is manic. Do I still matter to him as a person or does he only keep me around for his manic periods? Please someone give me some insight to this!! I need help!!

Michel2264

Ive read your post and our stories mirror each other.With this illness it seems like alot of us are in the same situation. Its good to know that I'm not the only one feeling like this. My bfriend does the same things. When he is manic everything is about him and him only/what he wants and what he needs-doesnt even ask me anything about my life or my feelings. But he does become obsessed with me-calling me consistantly and talking sexually very sexually to the point it gets obnoxious. Then all of a sudden he shuts down-doesnt call and responds very little to me. He says he cant help it and doesnt know why-he has nothing to offer me. I never know if he'll be back but somehow he crawls back into my life. And like you I want to scream at him but know I cant because he becomes defensive and says he knows I'm mad at him so why call me. I'm living this hell along with him on a daily basis. I know I cant take much more because I'm making myself sick over this. How do we move on? I'm sure if I told him it was over it would be the end because he says he doesnt want to put me through this anymore. So why cant I just end it? I want all of this pain that he has bestowed on me to be gone-but he is so under my skin!! He's off his meds now-too many side effects he claims and am sure he likes the way he feels from everything I've read on being manic. Do you feel the ups and downs of this illness too? I mean sometimes I think like I have it too-when he is manic-I'm almost manic too/and when his depression hits I am so depressed I can hardly stand it.

Ok I' writing again. Don't know why-wonder if anyone is really out there. I'm done!! So done!! My life has become a nightmare since I feel for someone that is bipolar. This rollercoaster ride has been hell and I have to get off. I am soooooooo sad I can hardly stand it. He has transfered his pain into my soul and now I too have spiraled down to hopelessness.
He is hypersexual (he has never told me) and somehow I thought it would be different once he had feeling for me. Don't even know if after a year any of his feeling were real or if I was just a dream. Doesn't really matter huh? Told me today he was with someone last night. How wonderful for him! While I sit here alone like always and write this to noone. What a fool I have been! He didn't even seem remorseful and almost seem to enjoy hurting me. Don't know how to get past this/don't even care anymore.

Sadone - I'm so sorry about all you're going through.

I assume he knows he could be treated if he was willing? Perhaps your relationship has to be conditional on his honest desire to seek treatment.

Pleasure seeking goes along with the hypomanic part of this disorder. Drugs, alcohol, sex - they can all be methods of self medicating. Do you have the time to wait until he sees this in himself?

I wish I had better answers for you.

It is very hard to love someone with this illness. I've been in love with my wife for nearly 10 1/2 years and married to her for 9 this coming weds. I love her so much I can't stand it, but at the same time there are times when I hate her so much. She gets everybit of it, from spending all our money, to hypersexuality to no sexuality, verbally and physically abusive to me, lieing about me to others, sleeping with other ppl, leaving for hours or now for over a week telling me how she doesn't love me and has never loved me. Blaming me for every problem in her life. I want to kick her to the curb so bad, but I love her so much I know I never can. I worry about her every min of every day, cause she is with her family who is encourageing her to do what she wants and not to take her meds, and to stay away from her counseling, and that its all my fault. I wanna scream at them and rescue her...but I know I'm limited. I just hope one day she wakes up and comes back to me and her family here and gets her meds again and her counseling. Life is so great when she is with us and on her treatment. I pray it happens soon...I honestly don't know how much longer I can let it continue to go with her being gone before I have to draw a line for the kids.

I've just found this sight today. AND WOW!!! talk about everything that I have gone through the last 2 months being depicted hear in these comments. My wife is bipolar and we have been married for 4 years. I new she had this illness when we first met because she told me up front. She accepted for who she was and what she had. But that has all changed. On March 2, 2007 she left me, her two kids from a previous marriage that we fought to get custody of, and the church family. She is living with a friend and her husband from work and is now also in a relationship with another person from her work place. I knew that someday something like this would happen but I never knew it would so quickly. She told me March 1 about what she was feeling and when I came home from work March 2 her things were gone. This is the 4th time she has done something like this in her lifetime. The previous three times have ended up with her in very dangerous places and situations only to call her family for help. She is denying that there is anything wrong with her and since she has been gone I have come to find out that she went to a new doctor to get her meds changed. This was in late 2005. Like many of you she has completely cut me off from all communications. Thew friends she is living with have blocked all my numbers and they have filed reports for tresspassing on there propery. I fill so helpless. My hands are tied. It makes sense why she wants no contact with me and that is because of the "mirroring" that so many of you have mentioned. She sees me and she knows that she needs help but refuses to accept seek it. She also grew up in a church and she was very active in the church during our time together. But now she wants absolutely nothing to do with it. I love her so much and I knew what I was getting in to the day I said "I do". It hurts bad though that she acts like our marriage never existed and that I'm the cotrolling evil person in all of this. She has already filed for divorce but I do not want to sing the papers. For one reason I not going to sign a lie. She has been unfaithful to me and I want to make sure that is stated in the papers along with medical bills and other debts that are her responceabilities. I need to protect myself...Don't I..A lot of you have said to wait 6 months...how can I do this with papers already filed?? Is contesting them the right thing to do??? Will this give us adequate time needed for her to come down from her manic state? Any and all advise will be greatly appreciated.

Hello,

Im so glad I have found this site! I have been with my man for almost a month - we have been friends for years but decided to take things a step further....2 days after being togehter as a couple he was diagnosed as bipolar. I knew things were hard becuase I have been friends with him so long. there are days when i want to walk away - i feel that as I am his girlfriend i have more responsiblity to help him....but he wont tell me how - im not sure if he knows himself to be honest. when he is on a high he is amazing but when he is low as you all will know it is awful - and today is one of those days. I know later tonight i will be pursauding him not to give up and have hope, then i fall asleep wondering if he will still be around the next morning. Im almost 19 he is nearly 20, am i too young to be coping with this? but to be honest i dont know how i am coping, its hard but i love him and i dont want to give up on him. but sometimes i think that i should be out there n being a teenager, not trying to be a grown up dealing with this but grrr HELP!!!!

Hello EK142, welcome to this site! I too am from England and reading your story has scared me. I am 10 years older than you and I have spent the last 5 and half years coping with a Bipolar husband, who was sectioned this march and finally diagnosed with Bipolar. This illness can be controlled but he will never get better and this is something that you have to think hard about. My heart goes out to you as you are so young, you can still have a life and you will probably meet someone else. I don't think that you should have to cope with this illness at such a young age, God, even I didn't think that I had to go through what I have done. Please read my posts under general discussion - What now? and you will get a taste of what I have had to battle with these last 3 months. The mental health system in this country is awful and will be even harder to deal with for you as you are young and not married. I have some expereince of the health and political systems and still felt like I was banging my head against a wall. Please don't take offence but if I were in your situation I would get out NOW, be his friend but don't let yourself become his carer. This illness sucks the life out of you and reduces you to nothing. I know you may think that I sound bitter but I have been beaten, attacked, abused verbally and physically and worst of all I have had all of my dreams destroyed. I am having to sell our house right now to stop us going bankrupt. I used to be confident and full of life when I met my husband at the age of 24, now I am merely surviving to pick up the shattered pieces of what used to be my existence. I can't even call it a life anymore. The problems will get worse as a lot of these guys refuse to take their medication just like my husband is doing right now and then the rollercoaster starts. Love him by all means but please love yourself more. Do not get involved if you can avoid it. Feel free to vent here and ask if you need anymore advice. Good luck babe and hugs. X

Hi Bev,

thanks for your brutality i really need that right now! and thats not sarcastic its true!
but today he is having a good day after god knows how many bad ones and expects me to be happy with him too! yesterday it almost came to blows i was so close to walking away, sunday he told me (like many times before we were together) he wanted to leave our area because there is nothing and no one here for longer, i held back my tears n left n cried all the way home. and i confronted him and he said he knew he has been a shit boyfriend lately and an apology made it all better for me but i shouldnt let it. im scared if i walk away from us then he will feel so alone and do something stupid. im so stuck and i dont know what to do.

Hi Sweetie,

I'm so glad that you have come back here for support and I'm more than happy to provide it for you if you want it.

Please don't think that he will do something stupid if you walk away, they do stupid things even when you are there. Apologies are great when they happen but they always revert to type and I too made these excuses for my husband.

What I want to know is, is your bf getting help and taking meds? How involved are his family in his care? These things are important if you are going to stick around. However, what I will say is that get used to the tears as the floodgates will open the longer you are with him. I have cried for the last 5 years and the hurt gets worse not better. I really want you to have a life of your own. I understand that you love this guy but without being unkind, the guy I was going out with at the age of 19 isn't the guy I ended up. I now wish I hadn't ended up with my husband either. You really need to ask yourself if you want to put yourself through all of this only to end up with nothing? Are you going to be happy with the few scraps of love and affection that you might get off him? This illness is very cruel to all involved and you need to make sure that you stay safe. The running away thing is also a classic symptom of Bipolar, do you really want to live the life of a nomad away from your friends and family? I used to live in London (I left Yorkshire to study there) and left to live in the home counties to be with my husband. I loved him and was happy to this but in the end I became so islolated from my old life that when the s**t really hit the fan I had nowhere or no-one to turn to.

You are not responsible for your bf, so please don't stay because you feel like this. The last 3 months that I have been apart from my husband, he now lives with his dad in London, have still been rocky but my existence has been bliss as he's not here to make his demands anymore. I still love my husband and care about him and that is why I've chosen to stay away. I beg you not to ruin your life at such a young age.

Lots of hugs and sparkles.

Bev,

thanks for your help advice and support. Last night was mental, i finally told him that i am so run down and rubbish that i dont know if i can do it anymore, and he responded wonderfully saying he is still in love with all of his ex's which was great!!!
but after many tears and many calls to close friends of mine they told me that the best thing i can do is walk away still be his friend but not be in a relationship.
so this morning we have come to that conclusion, i have told him that in time mayb if we are ment to be we will be. I feel like a weight has lifted from me.

With regards to his meds - yes he is taking them and a consultant he has seen has sed if the batch he is on at the moment doesnt work he will on lithium (which will probably happen) with regards to his family...thats a compltly different story. he is finally after 2 years living back with his mum and dad, but a week ago his pills went "missing" him and his dad believe his mum has taken them to take herself but it hasnt been proven so for all i know he could of ditched them.

i love him to pieces but i think the only way i can have him in my life is as a friend. thank you for posting your stories bev they have made me see that if i stayed i could of gone through the same thing and at 19 (well any age) no one should have to go through that.

if any one is starting up a relationship with someone with bipolar. DONT. its harder than you think, after only a month im warn down and stressed n weak, i hate to think what people like bev are feeling.

i will never stop loving him.

thank you bev you have helped me made the decision!

Love

Emma

Hi Emma

I'm so glad that you have come to your decision, I know how hard it must have been for you, but like you've said, if you're meant to be then it will work out in the end. I think you are wise beyond your years, I read your post to my mother-in-law and she said the same thing. You are brave - stay that way!

I'm glad that he is taking the meds but I'm a little worried about the missing pills. It's convenient to blame his mum, I honestly think that he has probably dumped them, it's quite common for them to do this and blame is central to this awful disease. You also have to remember that the high feels good, would you want to come down if you were feeling that good?!

Be his friend and support him but let his parents care for him. Look after yourself. I'm here if you need a friend that understands. Good luck with the rest of your life babe. Get out there and have some fun now.

Lots of love

Bev

Having bipolar disorder doesn't make you immoral or stupid. There is no medical excuse for cheating on your partner or refusing to entrust the credit cards to the non-bipolar partner until the manic phase has passed.
I am as run-down as anybody I see posting here...I am tired of being jerked around and fed up with having to be the rock of stability in my household just to balance the chaos. But my bipolar husband genuinely cares about my well-being and he knows that I care about his, so when I tell him that he is a manic phase, he turns over his credit cards, etc. to me with no threat to his manhood.
He is an intelligent man and we have both researched this disorder on the Internet and grilled the doctors. He can recognize a pattern of decisions as being influenced by mania or by depression.
Look, if I had realized that he had BP when our relationship was just beginning, I would NOT have married him. It has been hell hell hell and to anyone in a non-binding relationship I say get out while you still can if the person won't take ownership of his or her own disorder.
But if you're sticking around, remember that bipolar disorder does not make a person immoral or stupid. These are character traits, not part of a pathology. So carefully consider what solutions are out there as well as how much can be blamed on BP.

Bev, thanks for saying im brave but what i have had to deal with is nothing compared you most of you on here. you all have ceased to amaze me. his meds i dont know if he did or if he didnt - only he will ever know that.

Im glad me and him can stay friends and i think he finally understands how hard i was finding it.

i hope things are ok for you and you work things through. Im going to keep coming back here because Im sure even as a friend there will be times i need some support too!

all the best for the future, chin up.

Emma x