Bipolar Depression

I've decided to schedule an appt with the psychiatrist our doc *highly* recommended and simply tell my husband he IS going -- or I am going. He's been slightly more open to the idea -- on the basis that he will "tell it like it is" and then I will realize that "I am the one with the problem". I have to admit, that I am a little worried...what if she doesn't see who really has the problem? What if she does think it is me -- because I've been so emotionally detached, etc. I've been down this road once before with a marriage counselor (first husband) who let my manipulative alcoholic spouce convince him I was the problem -- and he had no problems. Our doc assures me that this psych "is the best in teh area" and will get to the bottom of the problem quickly -- which is hopefully true, since she is very expensive and "cash on the barrel head" for her services. I hope we get what we pay for. I know it will be a he said/she said situation...can a psych really make a diagonsis quickly with that sort of debate? We are in such financial distress right now with the "entrepreneual" business my husband started tanking and his spending habits. I'm hardly making the bills each month, not sure how we are going to afford an expensive psych...but, I figure if I am going to be filing for bankruptcy, I might as well do it after having a consult with a psych so I can decide if I'm filing for BK alone, or with him.

I've been opening up to our friends about what is going on...I"m feeling a bit guilty about it...espcially if the psych comes back and says nothing is wrong. Geez, then will I ever look stupid or what? He's been gone for two days and I have been so relieved. It is like the craziness is gone for a while. I really don't want him to come home from this business trip. I've slept better the last two nights than I have in years.

SC, if there's one thing I want to stress to you, it's that every single emotion, thought, doubt and reaction you've shared with us since you've joined this board has been experienced by BP SOs. You are not alone and you are not crazy -- although at times you will feel like you are, because the pressure just gets to be too much. When you feel like you're about to explode, DO! Let it all out with someone you love and trust, and who will accept the tears, the hatred, the love, the self-flagellation, the hope, the despondency, the anguish, the questions and the yelling without judgment. You need to purge yourself of these conflicting emotions, which are running wild inside you and at the same time paralysing you. They invariably well up again, and you will just as surely and regularly have to find an outlet for them.

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Originally posted by stonecold:

I've decided to schedule an appt with the psychiatrist our doc *highly* recommended and simply tell my husband he IS going -- or I am going. He's been slightly more open to the idea -- on the basis that he will "tell it like it is" and then I will realize that "I am the one with the problem".

That's what BPs in denial always say... And they're always overly categorical about it. They seem to protest too much. Good psychs see right through that. Plus, if you show up and he doesn't, you'll have pretty much proven your point.

Your instincts are right: it's during their manic phase that BPs are most open to treatment, to "show there's nothing the matter" with them.

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I have to admit, that I am a little worried... what if she doesn't see who really has the problem? What if she does think it is me -- because I've been so emotionally detached, etc.

We all end up throwing up walls to protect ourselves from the madness; it's the only way to preserve our sanity and avoid a breakdown when nothing else is going right. Besides, BPs in manic state are in thrall to their emotions and don't hide them very well. Since your husband is on a "high", the verbal rambling alone should betray him.

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I know it will be a he said/she said situation... Can a psych really make a diagonsis quickly with that sort of debate?

Unless a BP is in a "normal" phase, psychs can tell there's a problem after a couple of hours. They know which buttons to push. But it's true that it's so much easier for a psychiatrist to sniff out a "fake" if the BP is confined in a hospital for a few days -- they get much more agitated than a "normal" person would, and many develop a persecution complex with a side order of self-righteous belligerence.

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We are in such financial distress right now with the "entrepreneurial" business my husband started tanking and his spending habits. I'm hardly making the bills each month, not sure how we are going to afford an expensive psych... But, I figure if I am going to be filing for bankruptcy, I might as well do it after having a consult with a psych so I can decide if I'm filing for BK alone, or with him.

I doubt your husband will agree to file for bankruptcy unless he has no choice -- say, if the banks freeze all his accounts or his salary is garnished by debtors. Whoever files, he will probably remain convinced that the business failed because of you and your lack of support; he will never assume responsibility for the bad decisions he's made. Just make sure that if you *do* end up filing, you tell your trustee that at the time you paid for these psych sessions, you did NOT believe that you couldn't turn things around financially.

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I've been opening up to our friends about what is going on... I"m feeling a bit guilty about it... especially if the psych comes back and says nothing is wrong. Geez, then will I ever look stupid or what?

Hopefully, the psych won't misdiagnose your husband. Just remember to "press his buttons" as often as you can, the ones that will flush out his BP behaviour and make him ramble illogically on. There will be a point -- you know where it lies -- where his very defensiveness will alert the psych that he's not on an even mental keel.

Good luck, SC. Know that you are headed in the right direction. Try to deal with the acute anxiety one day at a time, and accept the help of those close to you.

Daniel

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Daniel,