Bipolar Depression

So, I'm coming to accept that my husband is BP...but, now I am dying to understand it. He is a pharmacist -- extremely bright. He will admit that he has issues with depression -- I managed to get him to start prozac 5 years ago. But, he refuses to acknowledge he may have mania or hypo mania symptoms. My husband seems to fluctuate between three phases: 1. depression 2. Rage/outbursts/meltdowns 3. Euphoria -- LOVE, optimism, grandiosity. And, as I think about it, it seems to follow that pattern. A period of depression/stress, followed by a rage-filled meltdown (usually targeting me), finishing with this incredibly plesant, loving, kind phase. I know not all bps cycle the same way. But, can someone give me some guidance about cycling...what is manic, what is hypomanic, etc...

Unfortunately I don't have much advice to give you. I did want to let you know that my husband whom I left many months ago has a cycle, and like you I could follow it. during the last year and a half of being together I protected myself and our son from his behavior. i would emotionally and at times physically distance myself from him. He was really really sick and towards the end of the relationship he even started threatening to harm me. He even told our son that he was going to harm me because that was the only way to make me talk to him. In his twisted mind I think he actually thought he was justified in treating me like that.....all the while telling me that nothing was wrong with him. He would even say that I am the only one who thinks that he has a problem....I'm certain that I'm not. I mean how do you justify threatening someone to make them talk to you??? Things are hard at times but i am glad that I ended the relationship. He rotated between trying to me a good husband to treating me like i was crap and i never could understand why his feelings fluctuated. It got to the point where even when he was in his kind loving mood I would distance myself from him because I knew that the other side of him was lurking around the corner. I have my own separate life and waiting until he is out of mania and i am a bit more stronger to file for a divorce. I woke up one morning and decided that I was getting off his emotional rollercoaster once and for all. Looking back I realize that there was nothing I could have done differently to change our relationship. His disorder dictated it. He was suffering when I met him, while we were together, and I'm sure he continues to now that I left him (I can tell by some of his texts and voicemail messages when and if i check them). He has choices to get help and try to get better, however I will never let him make me and our son miserable again. He can live that life if he wants to.....we won't.

Hi,

While I am no expert at this, I have been reading these boards and others extensively and I believe that the euphoria is part of the hypomanic or manic cycle, as is the rage. Bipolar disorder runs on a continuum - from BPI to BPII and Cyclothemia. There are varying degrees of BP. BPI has mania (think Britney Spears), where BPII and Cyclothemia are milder forms which have hypomanic, lesser symptoms.

The difference between mania and hypomania is that in mania the symptoms are exaggerated. For example, the person might go out and buy a car he can't afford because his brain has "convinced" him that he needs it and can pay for it. Or he might buy a vacation home, or a boat. Or he may quit his job out of nowhere to start his own business, with no planning or preparation. Or leave his wife for a woman he just met and barely knows. That would be mania.

In hypomania, he might just buy 5 bottles of cologne or 10 DVDs or $350 worth of sports logo T-shirts or a whole bunch of religious paraphernalia (these are what my ex-BF used to buy). The key is that these "things" are not necessities at the time they are buying them, but they have convinced themselves that they are. It's not like a store is having an incredible sale and that's why they are "stocking up". Although, my guy did buy 75 boxes of pasta at the market because it was on sale. He never cooked - they were in their original market bags in his garage and had been there for 8 months along with a bunch of other unnecessary stuff. And, he didn't have the money to pay his rent, car payment and child support at the time. That's hypomania. At the time, however, I didn't know what hypomania was.

But, I digress. Hypomania might be chatting with strange women on the web, or joining a bunch of clubs and organizations (church, baseball league, etc.) and overextending his time, or becoming obsessed with a certain hobby out of the blue (my guy had suddenly taken up jogging with all the requisite expensive running shoes, Nike running watch and specialized sportswear). The key here is that the person really doesn't have the free time to engage in all of these activities and may then pep himself up with caffeine and other things just to be able to run from one activity to another. And, there is a decreased need for sleep during these manic/hypomanic times so he would stay up late and get up early.

Out-and-out rage and violence would be mania, while snide remarks and irritability and criticism would be hypomania.

I think depression is easy to decipher. It sounds like your husband doesn't have many periods of normal behavior. He may be what is called "rapid cycling", where he changes cycles several times a year.

You may be able to show him his cycles and convince him that he has a mood disorder if you compile all of his symptoms and look at them as a "package", instead of isolated things. I didn't put all of my ex-BF's symptoms together until I read about women having the exact same experiences. I had no idea that the excessive caffeine, smoking, decreased need for food and sleep, along with excessive "joining" activities, the spending, etc. were part of a greater syndrome. Not until he turned into another person, said he "needed his space" and simply disappeared in a matter of two days, causing me to search for answers. This was two weeks after making me look at rental homes for us to live in and giving me an expensive gift and, of course, telling me that I was his "true beloved" and he'd finally found his "missing half". He was VERY loving and emotional - love letters, flowers, chocolates - you name it, he did it - he was the perfect man. Until he wasn't. He became someone else: cold, silent, cruel and GONE.

If you run a "google" for bipolar disorder, you will get thousands of websites full of valuable info. But, I guess nothing beats hearing about others' experiences with specific symptoms. It certainly helped me. I had no clue just how varied the symptoms could be until I went onto several BP web boards. I found this one to be particularly active: http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/bipolar-support-forums (I don't know how to post a link, so you may have to cut & paste). You will also find that frequently the BP disorder is "bundled" together with other disorders such as NPD (narcissistic personalilty disorder) and BPD (borderline personality disorder). I think www.Wikipedia.com is a good source to check on all of these disorders.

BTW, I just read your other posts, where you speak of your husband's brilliance and educational level. I thought you would like to know that my ex-BF was an Ivy-league educated surgeon (board-certified and licensed in 5 states!) - yup, all that education and he bought 75 boxes of pasta and was stockpiling it with other things in his garage!!! So much stuff that he couldn't park his car in there.. He also tried to start a business that was not well thought through. It goes on and on and guess what .... I'm still in love with him.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: chattycathy,

Thank you both for your insights. It means so much to hear what others have experienced. I sat down and started to compile the events in our lives over the past 8 years -- and it is a bit frightening. Four times in the past 8 years the symptoms have been so severe that I have reached out to our family doctor for help. I didn't realize it had been FOUR TIMES. And I count on a rage/meltdown every few months -- so in that respect, I guess he would be a rapid cylcer.

One comment struck me as particularly meaningful last week when I again discussed him going to therapy...

"If you medicate me it will take away my edge...and it is that edge that allows me to be smarter, faster and better than everyone else" He sincerely believes he "sees things others don't", "predicts things others can't". "other people are stupid! Why can't they see what I can see?!" He has frequently talked about how the ideas just hit him and he can't verbalize them fast enough. HE LOVES THAT FEELING. He doesn't want to give it up.

I never thought much about it in the past other than he had an incredible ego to think he was that much more gifted than others, but now I think these are probably clear signs of hypomania -- where he spends the better part of his life.

quote:

Originally posted by stonecold:
"If you medicate me it will take away my edge...and it is that edge that allows me to be smarter, faster and better than everyone else" He sincerely believes he "sees things others don't", "predicts things others can't". "other people are stupid! Why can't they see what I can see?!" He has frequently talked about how the ideas just hit him and he can't verbalize them fast enough. HE LOVES THAT FEELING. He doesn't want to give it up.

I hate to tell you, but he is right. I think someone even wrote a book about the "Bipolar Edge" - that might even be the title! Many great people throughout history are now viewed as having a form of BP disorder and have achieved great things during hypomanic times. Examples are Meriwether Clark (of Lewis & Clark), Teddy Roosevelt, Frank Lloyd Wright, Einstein and even Ted Turner are thought to have been hypomanic when they did all their great things. There are even those who feel that JFK had a form of the disorder (which would explain his hypersexuality and occasional lapses in judgement.

Maybe you can get your husband to go on the Truehope supplement, EmPowerPlus. The Discovery Health Channel did a special on it and you can find it on www.youtube.com if you type both "truehope" and "discovery" into their search engine. It is in 6 parts. The website is www.truehope.com. This stuff has apparently helped many people with much more severe symptoms than your husband's, but it doesn't help everyone. Might be worth a try - it's only vitamins and minerals. Being a pharmacist, your man will probably "poo-poo" the efficacy of the formula, but it wouldn't hurt for him to just try it, even if he doesn't believe it will work.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: chattycathy,