Bipolar Depression

hi,

this is my first time posting and i suppose i just wanted some advice and maybe some piece of mind. i'm concerned about my ex, and as i don't know a whole lot about bipolar, any feedback would be greatly appreciated. first of all, some history - i started going out with her about 4 years ago when i was 18, and she was 23. she chased me for nearly a year, and being scared about my sexuality i was reluctant to be with her. we were together about 3 years after this and so have been broken up just over a year. our relationship was extremely intense, and she would frequently burst out with uncontrollable anger over small things. i myself am fairly quiet person, and my housemates were often worried. every small argument turned into something huge, and she would often get angry at me for 'ignoring her' or not expressing my feelings well enough. these fits of rage were often heard by neighbours and lasted throughout the entire relationship. she would become verbally abusive, but not seem to see it. it was always me who made her react that way. on the other hand, she would be the most caring person i had ever met. her passion for our relationship and her 'love' for me was never questioned. her romantic nature was sometimes almost too much for me too handle. she made me come out to my parents and promised me that it would be worth it - that she had never felt for anyone like she had for me despite her having many relationships before.

she would often rely on me to make her 'racing thoughts' stop. as if i had control to make her feel better in some way. she would get an idea in her head, and said that her imagination would run wild, and that i should say the right things to make it stop. once i came home from work and had some sand on me, and she burst into tears and accused me of cheating on her with someone at the beach. she is a musician by profession and wants to make it big. she has her own buisness and travels extensively, and has had some great success. she would often describe to me that being on stage was the only place that she really felt good, and i felt like she needed these feelings and attention she received. she was never happy with anything i did, and it never seemed to be enough. people adored her, and her stage persona and the front she put on at gigs was nothing like the person i knew at home. she seemed so confident on stage, but was so needy of much love and attention and i felt like she became dependent on me. i hardly ever saw my friends etc. and she wanted to come everywhere or else it meant that i was excluding her.
her ideas for her band were always huge, and for a cd launch, she organised a 14 piece orchestra to play which i thought was pretty extreme. however i admired her creativity.

she had weird things that had to be her way. i wasn't allowed to come to bed until i had gone through a specific cleansing routine, and she kicked me out one night when i came home after a night out and just wanted to sleep.

she doesn't have a lot of money but i always felt as though she could pull it from anywhere. she would book tours and trips at the drop of a hat, and was always buying expensive equipment and getting herself into debt, even though it was justified by helping her buisness. in saying this, she always managed to get her finances back on track.

her sister has been diagnosed with a terminal illness in the past 10 years and has begun to get progressively worse. i don't think she knew how to deal with this and i would frequently be comforting her as she uncontrollably cried. she would say that she felt guilty, and i felt like this situation in her life allowed her to be excused in a way.
she is the most talkative person i've ever met, but looking back on it, it almost seems selfish. everything revolves around her life and she seems to have little time for anyone elses problems. being around her was often exhausting and i would never get a word in. many of my friends and hers would describe her as extremely self absorbed. she has had many relationships in the past, none lasting more than a year. she would talk about the future and her intense love for me every day. we ended our relationship because i couldn't deal with her possessiveness and the way she spoke to me/yelled at me. i was too young to deal with it. and i couldn't trust her. she cheated on me a couple of times during our relationship, and i could never understand her impulsive behaviour. it would almost seem my fault, and she would say that she felt so low and had no control. i always felt as though i was the more mature one, even though she was much older than me with many more experiences. yet she would talk of morals so highly and lost respect for anyone who didn't share her own views. as soon as we ended our 3 year relationship, i walked in on her with someone else in the house we shared together. she seemed sorry for this, but she still made me feel as though it was somehow my fault. devastated by this, about 6 weeks later i was with someone else and as soon as she found out i was the worst person in the world. she blamed me for everything and immediately flew to canada to be with someone else which lasted 9 months and totally shut me out. still to this day i am struggling with what happened and try to make sense of it. she made me all these promises, extravagant and beautiful plans for our future, made me fight harder than anything i had before, and then just left me and never looked back.

now i am genuinely concerned for her. i spoke to her a couple of months ago, and i told her i was worried about her and asked her if she was depressed and she said she thought she might be, but related it to her sister. since she has been with multiple people, and jumps back and forth in a way that makes me sick. she is in her late 20's and her i have recently had to remove myself from her for awhile. i feel as though she is manipulative in a way that she can't see, and multiple people have said this to me. she feels a sense of ownership to everything around her including me and i find it inappropriate. she goes through stages on calling and txting me saying how much i mean to her, and then nothing and she is with someone else again. the other week when i wouldn't share something about my life, she lost control in a coffee shop in front of everyone, saying how mad i had made her. i burst into tears and had to leave. i couldn't believe that after 14 months of not being together she could continue to treat me like this. something just seems not quite right. i have never met anyone like her. like i said, i have no experience with bipolar but was wondering if anyt of this is symptomatic? please help me make some sense.

Wow. Some of the stories on this forum are just incredible - fascinating. There is plenty of good advice, examples, and help on this board you should read through that I won't repeat here.

The short answer to your question whether your ex is BP, or not, is "yes," sounds like a classic case. Many BP's are highly successful, and a large number of performers who are household names are BP or depressed.

The lucky thing for you is that your ex is, in fact, your "ex." You have your own personal dramas and issues to deal with without worrying about her - she'll be just fine without you and will be quite content being a perpetual train wreck. You describe yourself as a sexually confused lesbian who was strongly influenced by a dynamic and full-blown BP at the height of a manic episode. I recommend you get into therapy yourself and sort out your own feelings and sexual identity - and change your phone number and stay away from your ex until you do.

Take care.

G