Bipolar Depression

SophieGoddess here with a few more things to add to my previous post about trying to figure out if my husband is bi-polar. I see a pattern of cycles where he will be hating someone for a long length of time and then suddenly get over it like he should have to begin with. This hate can last weeks, months and many times years. Once he is over the hate for one person, he immediately finds someone to target and the cycle continues with him sometimes stopping it early when its my turn and I put my foot down and he is afraid I will leave him. He rarely sleeps, never a full night. I just don't understand how he seems to be able to stop his target but maybe its because he finds a new one to replace it. I do know that in 20 years he has never been without hating at least one person. Sometimes I see a love/hate thing going on too. He picks everyone apart and no one is good enough in his mind except at times himself as he can have a high opinion of himself and his ego can grow extremely large. He says things that are important life histories events then years later denies them. He manipulates and is a control freak but really believes that he is not. Spends too much time worry about what other should be doing with their lives instead of focusing on his own. Seems to rarely no middle ground, its either high or low. If things are going great, he finds some old wound to doctor and tears things apart. Hates it that others like me and will do anything to get them to think badly of me. Seems to always want to compete with me and always makes sure he gets the best of anything and that I get the worse. His normal thinking is reverse psychology---if I say I don't want something or don't want to do something he will push it, if I express that I want something or want to do something most times unless he will get enjoyment too he will make sure it doesn't happen. It crazy to have to try and live with express no desire for something you want to do or want so that you can actually obtain it. When he has rage, his eyes turn coal black. He's a bully and likes to pump his chest and get in your face. Twists everything and will never ever take responsibility for any of his actions--if he hits someone, he believes they deserved and truly has no remorse, no compassion, no empathy for anyone. Will not take off from work all though he has a boat load of time to assist an ill wife....tell her to take a cab or call someone else but expects her to be there for him. Likes to test---to see if she will do the things he wants. Refuses to admit he is jealous of anyone that cares for his spouse as he wants everyone to care for him only. Has road rage and thinks he owns the street. Cannot conform to society as far as attending wedding and funerals--does not want others demanding his time but at times feels guilty as the "family" will expect it so he will go and sit and pout or in the past would try to cause a fight until I picked up that he would always use that route to justify why he couldn't show up for the event so didn't give him the satisfaction of using me as his excuse. Goes on binges targeting things he doesn't like such as smoking in bars when he never goes to bars. But the smoking issue is selective, if he really admires someone they can puff away, especially men but all women and strangers get the dirty looks and comments. Seems to always have a ailment or two. His the man bi-polar or just plain nuts?

Hey SophieGoddess,

To simplify, the answer to your question is that your husband is bipolar! Is he crazy? That could be a good thing, not necessarily a bad thing, so I will withhold my opinion about that. Your husband displays all the typical patterns of someone who has bipolar. My husband did the vast majority of the things your husband is doing and he was definitely bipolar.

My husband was a bully and would threaten to hit us in the face and then back off at the last second. Of course, it scared the you know what out of us (my son and I), and eventually, it got worse than that. It got so bad, in fact, that we ended up living apart from one another. We remained married, but my son and I had an apartment separate from Bill's.

My husband did not like to do the social things either, as our relationsip progressed. Initially he did, but that all changed as his illness got worse. He did not take medications, at least in any consistent fashion, so he was always vulnerable to stress as a trigger for his mania.

Oh yes, and the reverse psychology bit! My husband psychologized every single aspect of our lives, whether through reverse psychology or constantly summing up our lives in some dysfunctional psychological assessment. It was as if we were all people from a psychology book, rather than just normal people living day to day.

My husband's binges were with cigarettes, setting fires, lighting candles, buying toys at the salvation army, eating anything he could get his hands on, not bathing or brushing his teeth and controlling everyone.

Does any of this relate with what you are going through? If so, my next question to you would be: if it is determined that your husband does have bipolar, what then? Do you go online and research the illness to find out what you can do to manage it for both yours and your husband's sake? Do you try to get him into treatment? Do you love him enough to stick around for a roller coaster ride that is pretty much never-ending? Do you have kids who are affected by your husband and his behavior? What would be best for you, if he is bipolar?

There are so many questions to be asked if he is bipolar. And sadly, there are no easy answers. For me, I was willing to stay with my husband through just about anything, but the violence. I was not going to be a victim of abuse, so I got my own apartment shortly after the abuse occurred.

Let me know what you come up with. I will be interested to know how you make out with all of this. Throughout it all, though, just know that you are not alone. My thoughts and prayers are with you,

Kay